It's been amazing to see it all. The people here have this fire, One guy, Julio, had a job that paid 6000 euros a month. He's a double masters in engineering. He's been really working and investing in the church and he's on fire for God. Really leading the young people. He lost his job a month ago and he was offered a better paying job than his old one but it was in another country. He also got a job offer for the same amount of money but it would make it so he couldn't work at the church. He turned both down so he could live for God.
Saturday night we were all praying before they went witnessing in the streets. They had 10 converts! 10.. and the church is booming. They don't know how to disciple though. The pastor here has seen me going through the commands of Christ booklet and wants to use it in the church. I've been typing them out as Kirsten reads them to me. Then they will translate them. I think maybe God can use me in this way.
Today I made French toast with Kirsten.. haha I'm living proof that guys can cook! but what wasn't so cool was the clean up... did you know that heated sugar when cooled by water forms an epoxy?
:P
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Spain day 11
Today has been nice. I finished up the powerpoint, and spent time reviewing a book on praying in the word. I spent alot of time having a blast with my coz! They really are awesome. It was nice and I was into an interesting debate about spiritual weapons. It's so important to be proactive in the fight!
What ever comes.. i will rejoice although I feel weak, I have laid my hand to the plow and I will not turn back.
It's been hard to deal with some stuff today but I have made the determination and I'm fasting until the desires are gone. Pray God will give me aid as I try to serve Him. This is amazing what God is showing me... and comforting me with Psalm 139
What ever comes.. i will rejoice although I feel weak, I have laid my hand to the plow and I will not turn back.
It's been hard to deal with some stuff today but I have made the determination and I'm fasting until the desires are gone. Pray God will give me aid as I try to serve Him. This is amazing what God is showing me... and comforting me with Psalm 139
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Spain day 10
It´s been amazing to be here at church.. well all day practically, we came at 9:30 and we stayed here until 12 at night.... God is really firing up this church here. They have such a passion. It puts us to shame.. becayse they are not afraid to live for Christ. They are a light in this darkness and Satan would dearly love to snuff them out. Now they are far from perfect as they would say, pray that they will follow and finish casting off what will hinder them.
God has been doing small things that are so much blessing.. like in church a girl sitting next to me who spoke perfect english and nicely translated for me. My friends who are pouring out prayers for me, a dad I can tell anything to and who loves me more than I thought he could. I´m free, thanks to God.
Why is it easier today? Well I've got a prayer chain. Many of you have seen or know of my dogtag and ring.. well it´s on a break away necklace and there are 181 beads on there. Every morning when I get up, I go over each one praying for someone different. Who do I pray for? Well if you are in my family or you´ve shared with me and I said I´ll pray, I am. God works best in my life when I´m more concerned about others. Thanks soo much for all your prayers and everything. You have no idea the effect they have.
We just spent time at church. I talked alot with Kirsten and she said I had some very sweet friends and she was glad that she got to talk with them. Yes that includes my sister. If she is saying it.. she's gotta be right. Thanks so much all y'all!
God has been doing small things that are so much blessing.. like in church a girl sitting next to me who spoke perfect english and nicely translated for me. My friends who are pouring out prayers for me, a dad I can tell anything to and who loves me more than I thought he could. I´m free, thanks to God.
Why is it easier today? Well I've got a prayer chain. Many of you have seen or know of my dogtag and ring.. well it´s on a break away necklace and there are 181 beads on there. Every morning when I get up, I go over each one praying for someone different. Who do I pray for? Well if you are in my family or you´ve shared with me and I said I´ll pray, I am. God works best in my life when I´m more concerned about others. Thanks soo much for all your prayers and everything. You have no idea the effect they have.
We just spent time at church. I talked alot with Kirsten and she said I had some very sweet friends and she was glad that she got to talk with them. Yes that includes my sister. If she is saying it.. she's gotta be right. Thanks so much all y'all!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Spain day 9
What do you do when you are up against incredible odds? When you are being beat back? Do you give in? and give up? Do you keep resisting in your own strength? Or do you run to God.. begging for help and forgiveness? I was presented with that challenge today.. I did something.. and I had a choice, I went running to God and told my dad. I know that God is the one who is always big enough. Run to Him!
Today was again more relaxed. I really started learning Spanish and I met some awesome people. Good thing they spoke english. I prayed with the group of people my age but I had to leave before they went street evangelizing. These young people about my age to early 30's use their Saturday nights to go witness to the Homeless and help them out. Saturday night.. when most of us are busy doing our own things. It's really convicting. Their prayers were not the prayers of infants.. but of warriors. God please use us in mighty ways. I see the fire some of this church has and I see great things coming for them as God works. Funny thing for today.. Sabrina tries to tickle my knee and grabs it.. she stops and turns big brown eyes up at me.. "Is that a ball under your skin or a tumor?"
lol..
Today was again more relaxed. I really started learning Spanish and I met some awesome people. Good thing they spoke english. I prayed with the group of people my age but I had to leave before they went street evangelizing. These young people about my age to early 30's use their Saturday nights to go witness to the Homeless and help them out. Saturday night.. when most of us are busy doing our own things. It's really convicting. Their prayers were not the prayers of infants.. but of warriors. God please use us in mighty ways. I see the fire some of this church has and I see great things coming for them as God works. Funny thing for today.. Sabrina tries to tickle my knee and grabs it.. she stops and turns big brown eyes up at me.. "Is that a ball under your skin or a tumor?"
lol..
Spain day 8
Today I worked with Sabrina on school until she finished, then we went down to Matadepera, however all the stores were closed... even though it was 2-3 in the afternoon. the hours for work here is like 10-2 then 5-8 at night. And the construction for the roads happen at night so it's kinda cool. At 6:30ish we left for a Christian cell party. A bunch of believers gets together every week and invites unsaved couples there. we sang alot of songs.. in Spanish. I can sing it just find if it's written on the screen. I played futball with the kids.. I beat 2 six yearolds.. aren't I special? :D, ok I did let them win once. Three of the men there were futball players, pros. One of the guys was a robotics engineer. Don't ask me to spell their names. but a good deal of them spoke english so it was really nice. They really have a fire for God and they seek Him. It's not always easy though.. yah and we didn't leave until 1 in the morning! and that's when people really started getting hyper... I think they were having some type of coffee addiction. It's really worth observing in greater detail...
May God use us all
May God use us all
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Spain day 7
Today was a comedy. I helped out with the powerpoint again and helped the kids with school. Miguel challenged me to a game of darts. He's much better than me, but I have incredible luck and when I concentrate I can give him a run for his money. I stunk really badly though and we got closer and we did a winner takes all. 6 darts. we both tied at 80 points so we threw once more. He hit 20 points.. the best outside the inner black (25) and the inner red (50) He started teasing me.. so I concentrated and threw... dead center. He about cried and his wife even laughed at him. haha you have to know Mike to understand.
I tried to get Sabrina to do school so Aunt Rachel could study for church. it was like pulling teeth to get her to do her work.. Aunt Rachel and Uncle mike headed out for the prayer meeting and first thing ya know.. power outage!! well these being little girls and me being in Spain, I couldn't find the breaker box. So I took them out on a walk into town and got some great shots and wish I had a better camera. We picked up some drinks and headed back. the night was great for pics. I got back... the power was still off. so I checked again for the breaker box and one girl happened to remember that the box was by the front door! I had walked past it a dozen times. oh well. The washer kept flipping the breaker though.. and one time while it was dark I knocked down a picture and busted the frame in half. oh well. I cooked dinner and put some rosemary in it. Kirsten asked me.. what are these sticks.. and I said.. I picked them off the floor... cockroach legs, and we died laughing. when the parents got back we tried to fix the wireless.. me with one hand on the antenna and another on the celling. it was a good day today. I'm really looking forward to each day. God bless!
I tried to get Sabrina to do school so Aunt Rachel could study for church. it was like pulling teeth to get her to do her work.. Aunt Rachel and Uncle mike headed out for the prayer meeting and first thing ya know.. power outage!! well these being little girls and me being in Spain, I couldn't find the breaker box. So I took them out on a walk into town and got some great shots and wish I had a better camera. We picked up some drinks and headed back. the night was great for pics. I got back... the power was still off. so I checked again for the breaker box and one girl happened to remember that the box was by the front door! I had walked past it a dozen times. oh well. The washer kept flipping the breaker though.. and one time while it was dark I knocked down a picture and busted the frame in half. oh well. I cooked dinner and put some rosemary in it. Kirsten asked me.. what are these sticks.. and I said.. I picked them off the floor... cockroach legs, and we died laughing. when the parents got back we tried to fix the wireless.. me with one hand on the antenna and another on the celling. it was a good day today. I'm really looking forward to each day. God bless!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Spain day 5
Today I went on a prayer walk with the pastor and it was very eyeopening. It's so hard for the Christians. There is so much here that is needed. The tv has only 4 channels that don't show porn after 9 pm and don't have texting for dates. the radio has all kinds of stations just pushing sex and immorality. The immorality is prevalent. and even the young kids are being corrupted. Because so much immorality is here one of the things needed is a pregnancy crises center. Here is one of Satan's biggest cities... and the people need Jesus. We do have a set of bold believers here but with the social structure here you can't really go out and witness. These people are not open to witnessing by strangers but they are social. You invite them over and they will come. So the church has formed cell groups and they meet and they will invite a unsaved couple over and reach them that way. With the work schedule and the economy most people don't have time to spend hours in a ministry like the crises center and the church can't support that many workers in this economy. Also they really need a missionary to the muslims.. there is such a huge population and no one is there for them. There are about 8000 towns here with none to bear the light of Christ.
Today on the prayer walk I saw all these guys working out and doing pullups, so being me I went over there. well after I finished showing off a guy asked me for the time. From there I got to witness to him, but like the majority of people here he believed he was a Christian cause he was born into a catholic family. God has a great work to do here..
Please pray.
Today on the prayer walk I saw all these guys working out and doing pullups, so being me I went over there. well after I finished showing off a guy asked me for the time. From there I got to witness to him, but like the majority of people here he believed he was a Christian cause he was born into a catholic family. God has a great work to do here..
Please pray.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Spain day 4
Today was a nice day, I worked with the pastor on preparing a powerpoint on Eternal Security. Alot of the members of his church are from South America and are oof a Pentacostal background and believe you can lose your salvation. Now as many of you know this is a very important issue. How can we be effective in witnessing if we aren't sure if we are going there?
I've also been grading alot of schoolwork for my aunt because she's got alot with the church. There's so many young believers and she has to help with alot of the counseling, and it's hard cause she's homeschooling 2 girls. So I can help them out a little bit. I start prayer walking tomorrow and I need to run 6 miles up the mountain so this seems like tomorrow will be quite the day.
My uncle went to get his brakes fixed... 760 euros!!! Wow.
The burden here is so mighty... not just for the people here but for the pastor and his family. Please lift up Sabrina and Kirsten. Satan would love to take these two precious girls away and to destroy this family that serves God. one of the talks we have had is that the pastor is worried about the destructive influences that his kids are being exposed to since his arrival. One of which is Youtube, rock music, and the lifestyle of those he's trying to lead to Christ. Please pray a hedge of protection around them.
It's been hard for me too. I don't want to say I'm on the front lines.. but I'm exposed to alot more of Satan's attacks then when I was back home.
Satan would love to see what we could do diminished. But pray we are bold and reach others!
It's time to carry the fight to him and if it means that we are attacked more then so be it.. but the ones on the front need the support from those behind us. Not just us.. but all those who are serving in Satan's grounds.
Support them lest they fall.
God bless.
I've also been grading alot of schoolwork for my aunt because she's got alot with the church. There's so many young believers and she has to help with alot of the counseling, and it's hard cause she's homeschooling 2 girls. So I can help them out a little bit. I start prayer walking tomorrow and I need to run 6 miles up the mountain so this seems like tomorrow will be quite the day.
My uncle went to get his brakes fixed... 760 euros!!! Wow.
The burden here is so mighty... not just for the people here but for the pastor and his family. Please lift up Sabrina and Kirsten. Satan would love to take these two precious girls away and to destroy this family that serves God. one of the talks we have had is that the pastor is worried about the destructive influences that his kids are being exposed to since his arrival. One of which is Youtube, rock music, and the lifestyle of those he's trying to lead to Christ. Please pray a hedge of protection around them.
It's been hard for me too. I don't want to say I'm on the front lines.. but I'm exposed to alot more of Satan's attacks then when I was back home.
Satan would love to see what we could do diminished. But pray we are bold and reach others!
It's time to carry the fight to him and if it means that we are attacked more then so be it.. but the ones on the front need the support from those behind us. Not just us.. but all those who are serving in Satan's grounds.
Support them lest they fall.
God bless.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Follow me~Christs second command
Matthew 4:19 and He said unto them, Follow me and I will make you fishers of Men.
The second command is to follow Christ, however if you remember it is only 2 verses after the call to repent. You can't follow Jesus when You are seeking your own way.
Isaiah 57:18-19 18I have seen his ways, and will heal him: I will lead him also, and restore comforts unto him and to his mourners. 19I create the fruit of the lips; Peace, peace to him that is far off, and to him that is near, saith the LORD; and I will heal him.
God gives peace to those who follow him. When we follow God with all of our heart we have what we desire most in our souls, therefore we have peace.
Psalms 56:3, 113What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. 11In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.
Once again I have perfect peace in God because I am looking only to Him! God is good when you seek Him with your whole heart.
Psalms 58:1 1Do ye indeed speak righteousness, O congregation? do ye judge uprightly, O ye sons of men?
As Christians how do we act? What do we speak? What do we do? Are we more of the world or are we of God?
Matthew 7:20-23 20Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. 21Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. 22Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? 23And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
This is so clear! Let us follow Him so not only will others know what we are but so that there is no doubt that we will be one of those who say we did help you? God indeed is calling us to serve Him with a whole heart.
Matthew 8:10-13, 17 10When Jesus heard it, he marvelled, and said to them that followed, Verily I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel. 11And I say unto you, That many shall come from the east and west, and shall sit down with Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, in the kingdom of heaven. 12But the children of the kingdom shall be cast out into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. 13And Jesus said unto the centurion, Go thy way; and as thou hast believed, so be it done unto thee. And his servant was healed in the selfsame hour. 17That it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Esaias the prophet, saying, Himself took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses.
Our faith is indeed in how we follow Him. Will we be little of faith or much in faith? Let us move mountains!
Matthew 28 is about how Jesus arose. Just as the lack of Jesus' body was in the tomb, so as we follow Jesus through all that is going to come, the lack of worldly passions and desires will show that we are living anew!
Isaiah 59:16-17And he saw that there was no man, and wondered that there was no intercessor: therefore his arm brought salvation unto him; and his righteousness, it sustained him. 17For he put on righteousness as a breastplate, and an helmet of salvation upon his head; and he put on the garments of vengeance for clothing, and was clad with zeal as a cloak.
This passage is so convicting. God looks and sees this huge gap in between sinful man and Himself and how really sinful we are. He asks, who is interceding? My question was.. am I interceding? Am I the man in the gap who is bold to pray for the lost? Or am I even like Jonah where I give up and wait for the bonfire to begin?
Psalms 61:2 2From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
As I follow Him.. He will renew me! He is indeed merciful and when my heart is overfilled and stressed out God is there. It's always best to look beyond myself.
Psalms 63:1, 8 1O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is; 8My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.
It's so important to seek God! Do I really desire Him that much? Is He the first thing I seek?
Matthew 10:8, 14-15, 17-19, 32,8Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give.14And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet. 15Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.17But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues; 18And ye shall be brought before governors and kings for my sake, for a testimony against them and the Gentiles. 19But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.32Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.
I think this is an indicator of what we should be doing and what should happen to us. Are we living a Spirit fillled life? or are we doing our own thing? God only uses those who are available to be used.
Matthew 11: 28-30 28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
often my excuse is I am afraid how hard it will be yet it's much easier than my own way. let us seek rest in His arms!
Proverbs 14:12 12There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
What is the downside of following? Death, it's true, death of friendships, death of ourselves little by little. Let us take God's way for in Psalms 66, it's clear that it may look like death but He will lead us! God is so good, for He has shepherded my soul through my trials and although I haven't always seen Him, He is always there. But lf I do put anything in my heart and keep anything from my God, He won't hear me.
Psalms 66:10-12, 18 10For thou, O God, hast proved us: thou hast tried us, as silver is tried. 11Thou broughtest us into the net; thou laidst affliction upon our loins. 12Thou hast caused men to ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water: but thou broughtest us out into a wealthy place.18If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:
Psalms 69:7-13 7Because for thy sake I have borne reproach; shame hath covered my face. 8I am become a stranger unto my brethren, and an alien unto my mother's children. 9For the zeal of thine house hath eaten me up; and the reproaches of them that reproached thee are fallen upon me. 10When I wept, and chastened my soul with fasting, that was to my reproach. 11I made sackcloth also my garment; and I became a proverb to them. 12They that sit in the gate speak against me; and I was the song of the drunkards. 13But as for me, my prayer is unto thee, O LORD, in an acceptable time: O God, in the multitude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation.
Part of following means that many who I'd like to praise me will persecute me or reject me. yet will I look to Jesus
Psalms 70:4 4Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee: and let such as love thy salvation say continually, Let God be magnified.
Not only do I look to God when I'm troubled but do I praise Him? When I'm in trouble I'll call upon Him like Peter did.. but do I keep my eyes on Him when I'm not in trouble?May I walk with Jesus all the time and not just when I'm drowning in fear.
Matthew 14:28-30 28And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. 29And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
Psalms 71:1-5 1In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion. 2Deliver me in thy righteousness, and cause me to escape: incline thine ear unto me, and save me. 3Be thou my strong habitation, whereunto I may continually resort: thou hast given commandment to save me; for thou art my rock and my fortress. 4Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man. 5For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art my trust from my youth.
I see my sin and my humanness more and more each day. If I dwell on myself I will go nowhere, I have to flee to God for he is my refuge and strength. In Him shall I trust let me not be shaken
Isaiah 61:1 1The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;
I think this is the duty of each Christian, to totally seek God and as we follow Him we will be bold to witness, to help and to hold those who weep, to free those trapped in sin and let His word be known.
Matthew 16:24-26 24Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 25For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. 26For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?
Am I willing to lose everything? If I was facing death I would be bold, I have nothing to fear, but what about losing something less dramatic, what about my scholarship, my friends, my reputation? Am I willing to give that up? I don't want to, I'm a people person, yet do I love God more than I love my friends? Is my love of others an extension of His love for me?
So many questions... just two answers.
Matthew 20:23, 25-28 23And he saith unto them, Ye shall drink indeed of my cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with: but to sit on my right hand, and on my left, is not mine to give, but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared of my Father. 25But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. 26But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; 27And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: 28Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
Am I willing to follow Him? I'm in a stronghold of Satan right now and even though it's not affecting me physically it's a temptation to run back home where it's safe and secure from such spiritual attacks. I am called to serve! Wherever God calls me I am called to do the little things, I'd love to do big things but right now I'm pretty content not to have that much responsibility. Please pray for the Torres... it's not easy here.
Psalms 84:10 10For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness.
I see this so much! While the flesh is alluring it's so much more satisfactory to be in the Presence of God! May you all be in his presence!
Psalms 86:11 11Teach me thy way, O LORD; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name.
Oh let me seek God, I am here willing to serve yet feeling the draw of the world. Form my heart into one purpose. to serve you with nothing held back.
Matthew 23:4For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.
God is not this way, I saw it today at church.. you had to pay 9 bucks to go in! and get a candle or something.It's so awesome that the very God who made us we don't have to pay anything, observe any special rules.. to worship Him, all we need is a pure love of Him. May I never grow cold.
Isaiah 64:88But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand
The second command is to follow Christ, however if you remember it is only 2 verses after the call to repent. You can't follow Jesus when You are seeking your own way.
Isaiah 57:18-19 18I have seen his ways, and will heal him: I will lead him also, and restore comforts unto him and to his mourners. 19I create the fruit of the lips; Peace, peace to him that is far off, and to him that is near, saith the LORD; and I will heal him.
God gives peace to those who follow him. When we follow God with all of our heart we have what we desire most in our souls, therefore we have peace.
Psalms 56:3, 113What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. 11In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.
Once again I have perfect peace in God because I am looking only to Him! God is good when you seek Him with your whole heart.
Psalms 58:1 1Do ye indeed speak righteousness, O congregation? do ye judge uprightly, O ye sons of men?
As Christians how do we act? What do we speak? What do we do? Are we more of the world or are we of God?
Matthew 7:20-23 20Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. 21Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. 22Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? 23And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
This is so clear! Let us follow Him so not only will others know what we are but so that there is no doubt that we will be one of those who say we did help you? God indeed is calling us to serve Him with a whole heart.
Matthew 8:10-13, 17 10When Jesus heard it, he marvelled, and said to them that followed, Verily I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel. 11And I say unto you, That many shall come from the east and west, and shall sit down with Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, in the kingdom of heaven. 12But the children of the kingdom shall be cast out into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. 13And Jesus said unto the centurion, Go thy way; and as thou hast believed, so be it done unto thee. And his servant was healed in the selfsame hour. 17That it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Esaias the prophet, saying, Himself took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses.
Our faith is indeed in how we follow Him. Will we be little of faith or much in faith? Let us move mountains!
Matthew 28 is about how Jesus arose. Just as the lack of Jesus' body was in the tomb, so as we follow Jesus through all that is going to come, the lack of worldly passions and desires will show that we are living anew!
Isaiah 59:16-17And he saw that there was no man, and wondered that there was no intercessor: therefore his arm brought salvation unto him; and his righteousness, it sustained him. 17For he put on righteousness as a breastplate, and an helmet of salvation upon his head; and he put on the garments of vengeance for clothing, and was clad with zeal as a cloak.
This passage is so convicting. God looks and sees this huge gap in between sinful man and Himself and how really sinful we are. He asks, who is interceding? My question was.. am I interceding? Am I the man in the gap who is bold to pray for the lost? Or am I even like Jonah where I give up and wait for the bonfire to begin?
Psalms 61:2 2From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
As I follow Him.. He will renew me! He is indeed merciful and when my heart is overfilled and stressed out God is there. It's always best to look beyond myself.
Psalms 63:1, 8 1O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is; 8My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.
It's so important to seek God! Do I really desire Him that much? Is He the first thing I seek?
Matthew 10:8, 14-15, 17-19, 32,8Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give.14And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet. 15Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.17But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues; 18And ye shall be brought before governors and kings for my sake, for a testimony against them and the Gentiles. 19But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.32Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.
I think this is an indicator of what we should be doing and what should happen to us. Are we living a Spirit fillled life? or are we doing our own thing? God only uses those who are available to be used.
Matthew 11: 28-30 28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
often my excuse is I am afraid how hard it will be yet it's much easier than my own way. let us seek rest in His arms!
Proverbs 14:12 12There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
What is the downside of following? Death, it's true, death of friendships, death of ourselves little by little. Let us take God's way for in Psalms 66, it's clear that it may look like death but He will lead us! God is so good, for He has shepherded my soul through my trials and although I haven't always seen Him, He is always there. But lf I do put anything in my heart and keep anything from my God, He won't hear me.
Psalms 66:10-12, 18 10For thou, O God, hast proved us: thou hast tried us, as silver is tried. 11Thou broughtest us into the net; thou laidst affliction upon our loins. 12Thou hast caused men to ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water: but thou broughtest us out into a wealthy place.18If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:
Psalms 69:7-13 7Because for thy sake I have borne reproach; shame hath covered my face. 8I am become a stranger unto my brethren, and an alien unto my mother's children. 9For the zeal of thine house hath eaten me up; and the reproaches of them that reproached thee are fallen upon me. 10When I wept, and chastened my soul with fasting, that was to my reproach. 11I made sackcloth also my garment; and I became a proverb to them. 12They that sit in the gate speak against me; and I was the song of the drunkards. 13But as for me, my prayer is unto thee, O LORD, in an acceptable time: O God, in the multitude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation.
Part of following means that many who I'd like to praise me will persecute me or reject me. yet will I look to Jesus
Psalms 70:4 4Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee: and let such as love thy salvation say continually, Let God be magnified.
Not only do I look to God when I'm troubled but do I praise Him? When I'm in trouble I'll call upon Him like Peter did.. but do I keep my eyes on Him when I'm not in trouble?May I walk with Jesus all the time and not just when I'm drowning in fear.
Matthew 14:28-30 28And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. 29And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
Psalms 71:1-5 1In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion. 2Deliver me in thy righteousness, and cause me to escape: incline thine ear unto me, and save me. 3Be thou my strong habitation, whereunto I may continually resort: thou hast given commandment to save me; for thou art my rock and my fortress. 4Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man. 5For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art my trust from my youth.
I see my sin and my humanness more and more each day. If I dwell on myself I will go nowhere, I have to flee to God for he is my refuge and strength. In Him shall I trust let me not be shaken
Isaiah 61:1 1The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;
I think this is the duty of each Christian, to totally seek God and as we follow Him we will be bold to witness, to help and to hold those who weep, to free those trapped in sin and let His word be known.
Matthew 16:24-26 24Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 25For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. 26For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?
Am I willing to lose everything? If I was facing death I would be bold, I have nothing to fear, but what about losing something less dramatic, what about my scholarship, my friends, my reputation? Am I willing to give that up? I don't want to, I'm a people person, yet do I love God more than I love my friends? Is my love of others an extension of His love for me?
So many questions... just two answers.
Matthew 20:23, 25-28 23And he saith unto them, Ye shall drink indeed of my cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with: but to sit on my right hand, and on my left, is not mine to give, but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared of my Father. 25But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. 26But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; 27And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: 28Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
Am I willing to follow Him? I'm in a stronghold of Satan right now and even though it's not affecting me physically it's a temptation to run back home where it's safe and secure from such spiritual attacks. I am called to serve! Wherever God calls me I am called to do the little things, I'd love to do big things but right now I'm pretty content not to have that much responsibility. Please pray for the Torres... it's not easy here.
Psalms 84:10 10For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness.
I see this so much! While the flesh is alluring it's so much more satisfactory to be in the Presence of God! May you all be in his presence!
Psalms 86:11 11Teach me thy way, O LORD; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name.
Oh let me seek God, I am here willing to serve yet feeling the draw of the world. Form my heart into one purpose. to serve you with nothing held back.
Matthew 23:4For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.
God is not this way, I saw it today at church.. you had to pay 9 bucks to go in! and get a candle or something.It's so awesome that the very God who made us we don't have to pay anything, observe any special rules.. to worship Him, all we need is a pure love of Him. May I never grow cold.
Isaiah 64:88But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand
Spain day 3
Today was awesome. I went to church and the people were so friendly.. haha more kissing of course.. I didn't know there were so many types of lipsticks... haha. Church is so social here, and then we went and hung out with some friends and they talked about alot of stuff in Spanish. One of the couples were fluent.. in English because the hubby was a agent for basketball and soccer players. The meal was at this really nice authentic Italian restaurant... it cost 161 euros! :P
I was given a really good chance to be a example when I was offered some light wine. I explained that I had made a vow that I would not drink. We walked on the beach and I wish I had brought my camera... but it was really nice and I was really quiet and spent time in prayer.. So much is going on.. My Aunt asked me to help her with school for Kirsten with reading and grammer.. I'm wanting to help where ever I can. I'll be doing some cleanup.. hehe. God is moving.. and for some reason He's using me.. and I don't know why. I spent 30 minutes sharing about the commands of Christ with Miguel, the pastor I am staying with. God is indeed amazing.
Please lift up the Spaniards... they need Jesus.
And a quote from Tio Miguel
"Kissing as a greeting isn't too bad when it's a young pretty girl. but when she's old, and fat, stinky and missing teeth, you ask yourself... can I wake up?"
I was given a really good chance to be a example when I was offered some light wine. I explained that I had made a vow that I would not drink. We walked on the beach and I wish I had brought my camera... but it was really nice and I was really quiet and spent time in prayer.. So much is going on.. My Aunt asked me to help her with school for Kirsten with reading and grammer.. I'm wanting to help where ever I can. I'll be doing some cleanup.. hehe. God is moving.. and for some reason He's using me.. and I don't know why. I spent 30 minutes sharing about the commands of Christ with Miguel, the pastor I am staying with. God is indeed amazing.
Please lift up the Spaniards... they need Jesus.
And a quote from Tio Miguel
"Kissing as a greeting isn't too bad when it's a young pretty girl. but when she's old, and fat, stinky and missing teeth, you ask yourself... can I wake up?"
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Spain day 2
Today was the relaxed day because it was Saturday.. so I slept in to the local time of 7:20 did my Bible time then went on a little run. I started running uphill and kept running for 12 and a half minutes. I noticed on the way up.. that the Torres (family I'm with) are living on the side of a mountain! my poor legs... Every Saturday the Torres go down to Barcelona and go walking in the street, go shopping and just walking. It was amazing they have this one street where you have people come out and are acting and they get money, all kinds of shops.. hehe yes I did I bought some stuff and a knife. :D It was amazing we walked down to the harbor, went to McDonalds.. it was 5 stories tall! And they even charged for Mayo. The Euro may be sounder... but you have less buying power. A big mac costs 9 american dollars... not cool. Then we walked more and had wicked strong coffee and saw amazing stuff.. everyone walks and the streets are packed with people. Then we went into an open air market and it was amazing.. have to check the pics onfb... People are very social here but not too friendly.
The main thing I saw.. is the loss, they don't know God, they want fulfillment in life and they do anything, nudity is accepted.. sex is open, a couple started in front of me at McDonalds while in line. So many people, and all so lost. Tonight many of them are going to go out and get drunk.. and party and live immorally, all because they want to feel something, they don't have anything to live for. Please pray..
The main thing I saw.. is the loss, they don't know God, they want fulfillment in life and they do anything, nudity is accepted.. sex is open, a couple started in front of me at McDonalds while in line. So many people, and all so lost. Tonight many of them are going to go out and get drunk.. and party and live immorally, all because they want to feel something, they don't have anything to live for. Please pray..
Friday, April 17, 2009
Spain day 1
Today started on the 16.. since I've pretty much been up since then. God has opened up some doors. I got to witness in the airport but I really saw 2 Corinthians 4:4 so much. Americans have all they want and they don't need God.
I'm pretty much shocked by all the filth and what is accepted in the world. well I shouldn't be but especially in Spain I've sensed the stronghold Satan has here and I've been bombarded and the only relief I got was when I rebuked Satan and gave my thoughts to God. THe church my Uncle Mike is pastoring is growing so fast that they need new places, however the cost of living is expesive. to bu a apartment with 1000 sq feet you need about 1 million euros. So it would be a God thing but there church is divided. the old group puts thier trust in money and doesn't want to let what they have go. The newer folks want to do what God calls them to do.
So far I am staying with the Torres.. the wife Rachel is my Aunt's SIL. So they are kinda related. They have a lovely home. pix up on fb soon. and they have two daughters Kirsten, age 12 and Sabrina, 8.It's been awesome! Please pray for those areas. God bless
I'm pretty much shocked by all the filth and what is accepted in the world. well I shouldn't be but especially in Spain I've sensed the stronghold Satan has here and I've been bombarded and the only relief I got was when I rebuked Satan and gave my thoughts to God. THe church my Uncle Mike is pastoring is growing so fast that they need new places, however the cost of living is expesive. to bu a apartment with 1000 sq feet you need about 1 million euros. So it would be a God thing but there church is divided. the old group puts thier trust in money and doesn't want to let what they have go. The newer folks want to do what God calls them to do.
So far I am staying with the Torres.. the wife Rachel is my Aunt's SIL. So they are kinda related. They have a lovely home. pix up on fb soon. and they have two daughters Kirsten, age 12 and Sabrina, 8.It's been awesome! Please pray for those areas. God bless
Monday, April 13, 2009
Repent, 1st command of Christ
Matthew 28:18-19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: 20Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen
I am called to teach others to obey the commands of Christ. 2 weeks ago I couldn't have told you what they were. I am going to go through them this year and I cordially invite you to participate in my adventure. If you do know me you realize that my life is an adventure. :D
Thanks for the prayers too.
Matthew 4:17
From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
Well if I am going to follow God I need to repent of the things that turn me aside from Him. When I went on a Journey I was so sure that my music was ok. It was Christian music! I loved listening to it. True it had a rock beat but I still don't agree with Dr. Gothard's teachings on why rock music is bad. But I felt God telling me that I needed to get rid of some of it. I came back and I listened to my music and I was soo shocked that so much of my "Christian" music didn't even mention God. THese singers could have been talking about their bfs, or even lovers. It was something I have to give up.
Revelations 3:19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.
Because God loves me, when I sin, He will bring me back to Him by chastising me, but I have to repent! It's why I struggled with certian areas, I wouldn't be obeying God and letting go of my bitterness or etc. Then I live a life of freedom.
Acts 3:8 Repent ye therefore and be converted that your sins may be blotted out when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord
Proverbs 1:23 Turn you at my reproof: behold I will pour my spirit out to you, I will make known my words unto you.
There are rewards for repenting. Our sins that we hold on to will be taken away and blotted out! We will be refreshed and renewed in the Lord!! He will pour his Spirit upon us! And His word will take on new meaning! God is an awesome and Holy God but we can only draw near when we have a clean heart. Seek out the areas in your life that you may be holding on to and with humbleness.. give them away.
Isaiah 55: 6Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: 7Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon
Why do we not see God? Why is he far away? It's because we have either run from Him or started to drift away. We as a church have put not God first but the law of Grace, we live immoral, worldly lives and we dare to say that we are headed for Heaven and are the children of God. We are wicked and we say we are good because we said a prayer once. Oh, may we repent and see that we are not even close to God's ways or his thoughts. God's word doesn't return void, let us cast aside what slows us down and run like we have nothing else to live for. Let His word prosper in our lives as we repent and follow Him.
Psalms 51:6,17 6Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. 17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Part of repenting is the humility, we have to be broken. In the OT, they would offer up incense to God as part of the sacrifice. Incense was formed by grinding up some herb. It is mentioned in the NT that the prayers of the saints are as incense to God. When we commune out of a broken and contrite heart to our Father it is pleasing to Him.
Proverbs 11:2 2When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom.
Something I have been noticing in my own life is the tendancy to have an Holier than thou attitude. Yet Pride is what I have to fight against.
Isaiah 55:11 11Yea, they are greedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that cannot understand: they all look to their own way, every one for his gain, from his quarter.
I see this so much in the church, we have Men, shepherds and they love mammon more than God, it makes those who do serve God and love us and see us as their Holy charge much more precious, let us not waste what we have and keep them in prayer.
Matthew 6: 22The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. 23But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness! 24No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. 25Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? 26Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
When others look at me, do they see me? Do they see the world? What do they see? I hope they see Jesus. I am headed to college soon. The tendency of this world is to worry about tomorrow, next year, my retirement. God says the birds don't prepare yet God feeds them, now that doesn't mean God heaps up piles of worms for the robins. He put worms in the ground and he gave the robin the sense to know where the worms are. We need to work, yet thank God for what He is providing, and not worry about the future, let us bless others and seek Him Fully.
Lets go worm hunting.
I am called to teach others to obey the commands of Christ. 2 weeks ago I couldn't have told you what they were. I am going to go through them this year and I cordially invite you to participate in my adventure. If you do know me you realize that my life is an adventure. :D
Thanks for the prayers too.
Matthew 4:17
From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
Well if I am going to follow God I need to repent of the things that turn me aside from Him. When I went on a Journey I was so sure that my music was ok. It was Christian music! I loved listening to it. True it had a rock beat but I still don't agree with Dr. Gothard's teachings on why rock music is bad. But I felt God telling me that I needed to get rid of some of it. I came back and I listened to my music and I was soo shocked that so much of my "Christian" music didn't even mention God. THese singers could have been talking about their bfs, or even lovers. It was something I have to give up.
Revelations 3:19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.
Because God loves me, when I sin, He will bring me back to Him by chastising me, but I have to repent! It's why I struggled with certian areas, I wouldn't be obeying God and letting go of my bitterness or etc. Then I live a life of freedom.
Acts 3:8 Repent ye therefore and be converted that your sins may be blotted out when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord
Proverbs 1:23 Turn you at my reproof: behold I will pour my spirit out to you, I will make known my words unto you.
There are rewards for repenting. Our sins that we hold on to will be taken away and blotted out! We will be refreshed and renewed in the Lord!! He will pour his Spirit upon us! And His word will take on new meaning! God is an awesome and Holy God but we can only draw near when we have a clean heart. Seek out the areas in your life that you may be holding on to and with humbleness.. give them away.
Isaiah 55: 6Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: 7Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon
Why do we not see God? Why is he far away? It's because we have either run from Him or started to drift away. We as a church have put not God first but the law of Grace, we live immoral, worldly lives and we dare to say that we are headed for Heaven and are the children of God. We are wicked and we say we are good because we said a prayer once. Oh, may we repent and see that we are not even close to God's ways or his thoughts. God's word doesn't return void, let us cast aside what slows us down and run like we have nothing else to live for. Let His word prosper in our lives as we repent and follow Him.
Psalms 51:6,17 6Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. 17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Part of repenting is the humility, we have to be broken. In the OT, they would offer up incense to God as part of the sacrifice. Incense was formed by grinding up some herb. It is mentioned in the NT that the prayers of the saints are as incense to God. When we commune out of a broken and contrite heart to our Father it is pleasing to Him.
Proverbs 11:2 2When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom.
Something I have been noticing in my own life is the tendancy to have an Holier than thou attitude. Yet Pride is what I have to fight against.
Isaiah 55:11 11Yea, they are greedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that cannot understand: they all look to their own way, every one for his gain, from his quarter.
I see this so much in the church, we have Men, shepherds and they love mammon more than God, it makes those who do serve God and love us and see us as their Holy charge much more precious, let us not waste what we have and keep them in prayer.
Matthew 6: 22The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. 23But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness! 24No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. 25Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? 26Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
When others look at me, do they see me? Do they see the world? What do they see? I hope they see Jesus. I am headed to college soon. The tendency of this world is to worry about tomorrow, next year, my retirement. God says the birds don't prepare yet God feeds them, now that doesn't mean God heaps up piles of worms for the robins. He put worms in the ground and he gave the robin the sense to know where the worms are. We need to work, yet thank God for what He is providing, and not worry about the future, let us bless others and seek Him Fully.
Lets go worm hunting.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Testimony
I say this not to glorify myself or to please man but because I feel that God is calling me to live an open life and in the hopes that this may prevent some struggles or help some young men.
I got saved at a very early age. God gave me a desire for Him and I remember spending hours in the word. Then I was physically abused as a kid and had to deal with a father, who although he loved me, struggled with anger issues and would sometimes explode on me. I withdrew and determined to trust no one. Combined with my bitterness I have episodes of Narcolepsy that when I am really stressed I will sleep so deeply that I can’t be woken up and I will lose bladder control and sometimes even quit breathing. Because I would not give up my bitterness I would wet the bed.
I also believed several of Satan’s lies, that I was a failure, that nobody loved me, that my dad hated me, that God hated me, and even that I hated me. I believed I was worthless and that I wasn’t worth living. I couldn’t trust anybody. All of this was on my inside, if you asked the people who knew me at that time they would have told you that I was a mischievous, funny kid but that I was never serious. I had so much wrong with me while living the “Christian” life. It kept getting worse though inside. I never wanted to be hurt so I would try to please everyone. It was so miserable that several times I would “run away” and I struggled so much with suicidal thoughts that I thought I was going crazy. I would habitually lie to avoid punishment.
At age 15 I got caught up with lust and the physical aspects. I was very ignorant but I got addicted and could not stop. I was exposed to porn and was caught up in it and would leave it but keep returning to it like the young man void of understanding in Proverbs 7. It was about this time that I started listening to rock music without my parents knowing it.
My parents caught me a couple times on the lust problems and I would lie to them and tell them whatever I could to get them to not be angry with me. I believed another lie of Satan that if they knew what I was really doing that they would never forgive me. I was so wrong. I thought that if my Dad who got angry over little things knew how much I struggled and the depth of my sin that he would kill me or hurt me really bad. I hated myself so much because I would try everything to get free and I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to free myself from my sin because I was keeping secrets.
Satan had me right where he wanted me. Defeated, wanting an end. I went through ALERT Basic training and God broke me and I saw how selfish I was. However, I was kicked out of Basic and I went right back home to my problems. I got deeply into my sins and the depression, suicidal thoughts, and the defeated lifestyle came back. I was so desperate once that I loaded my gun and walked out onto the back pasture to end it all. My dad heard me leave though and being the vigilant guy he is walked out to see what I was doing. I said I thought I had heard something and he thought I was being silly. I also started listening to a rock station on the radio almost all the time.
I went back through Basic and because I was so busy I lived a victorious life. I thought I had it under control. Truly the Idle hands are the devils tools. I did pretty decent in Basic and I came back for ERT. While I was there, some guys who had issues liked to tease and one young man and I were the brunt of the jokes and teasing. I started again on the depression and not surprisingly my nighttime accidents and Narcolepsy returned. The teasing continued and it was just like my dad had been hurting me again. I decided to fight back while also trying to commit suicide again. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone and I had nothing to lose. I decided to fight back and I trained myself to be a weapon. I pushed my body to it’s limits and then some. I learned ways to kill people with whatever I could find. My anger became a tool to hurt others if it came to it again. Part of pushing myself to limits was that I would see how much pain I could stand. I would cut myself and see how long I could do it, I punched anthracite until my knuckles would bleed and I had to pick the pieces of coal out of my raw knuckles. Once I had to sew up a wound with regular needle and thread. I was doing all this in my own strength, I became the best at whatever I wanted yet still I was a victim to my own lusts. I would run 5 miles a day on my bad knees yet I would not be able to control my own desires.
Out of desperation I tried to get some accountability partners. Yet because I would not tell my dad my secret sins and my struggles, I would fail time and time again. God really humbled me through some incidents. When I thought no one cared, some godly young men came forward and woke me up every night for 15 weeks so I wouldn’t have an accident. They banded together to protect me and the other fellow who was the brunt of all the jokes. They were indeed a friend to the friendless. Some Godly officers took time to see what was happening and spoke out about what was happening. Several families “adopted” me so I could be a part of them.
When I saw the love of others to me, who I saw no good thing in, it broke me, I sought God again. I confessed my sins to God and purposed to live a life anew. My quiet times took on new meanings and I had one every day and I would pray for hours a day. I stayed on at ALERT and served in their ministry yet I still was entrapped in my struggle for lust. I couldn’t get free because I wouldn’t tell my dad and humble myself. I had a proud heart. I still thought I could defeat my problems. I did conquer most of them. I quit my secular music and started listening only to light CCM or vocal music. And even then not for weeks or months at a time would I listen to any music. I buffeted my body, ate one meal a day or less, started a fast a week, committed large passages of scripture to mind and started to disciple people. For a time my struggle with lust took a back burner as I sought God
In a garden you can pull out all the weeds, all the tops but unless you get the roots, the weeds will be back, and worse than b4. Gradually things started going wrong again. I wanted to be freed and I tried to get anyone to be my accountability partner and help me. I even had a girl as one. That was fine until her dad found out. It would have been much easier if I had just forgiven my dad and started trusting him. I started some online relationships with girls that were bad and God gave me the grace to stop it, also at that time God completely broke me of porn. I no longer saw those girls as objects, but that they could have been my sister, my cousin, they were someone’s daughter and that when I looked at them I was the very person I despised!
I repented of my actions and got closer with my parents yet I didn’t tell them everything. I would continue to spend time in God’s word and try to do good works, but they were me trying. God rarely flowed through me. I went on the Journey after I left ALERT. I had 2 goals, to conquer lust and to get closer to God. The very first day some of the previous Journey guys got up and shared about how that sin’s Strength is in it’s secrecy. I didn’t want to tell my dad everything. I didn’t want anyone to know what I was doing. Yet I determined to call him and be honest. I told him how recent my struggles were, and expressed a willingness to tell him anything. I left behind what I was doing wrong and only after I determined to do what was right did God give me the insights. Proverbs 1:23 says Turn ye at my reproof; behold, I will pour my spirit upon you, I will make my words known unto you. It wasn’t until I repented that God really began to move.
Despite God moving in several of our lives we still weren’t reaching the power of one accord. I prayed and something came to mind. I wasn’t sure I should say anything so I committed it to prayer. I later mentioned it to another guy and he too said that God had given him the same thing. I would run almost every morning and that Wednesday morning I had run 4.3 miles in 30 minutes. I was really pumped and I wanted to go again the next morning. Jordan asked me not to because we were going to be fasting the next day, so we decided to pray instead. We prayed for the guys and for God to move and there were times we couldn’t but cry and worship, we prayed for an hour but it felt like 20 minutes.
When the temptation arose, God gave me the grace to flee and I haven’t stopped running. You can’t fight lust, you have to run. God completely will free you from your struggles if you confess your sin and turn from it. I have had to take away the things that influence me towards the world. Honestly on my Journey I thought my music was ok, the movies I watched were ok. I was soo wrong. I heard the guys talking about how God freed them and the destructiveness that had been worked in their own lives. God really spoke to me through other guys and their willingness to confess. I told my dad everything. I saw that parts of my heart were uncircumcised, I had a critical spirit towards some people, and that I had a proud heart. With confession comes freedom. It is so important to be open, and contrite. The Lord loves a humble heart.
I came back and I looked at my music and at my movies with an objective outlook. So much of what I thought was ok and Christian was not God pleasing. Without even touching the rock music subject, it was impossible on many of my songs to tell who they were talking about.. was it God? Or was it their boyfriend? I even had the boldness to witness to strangers. God has been using me as a channel, but only when I look to Him and have removed everything that I put above Him. Also the power of vows; I made a vow to remain pure until marriage and to never look at porn in any form. It has been amazing to be so free! A lot of this testimony is about all that happened before God worked and the problems, yet not very much is about what happened. It’s because it’s not complicated to get right. It takes a little step and a determination to do what is right ALL the time. All it requires is openness and humility.
I am looking forward to see what God will do in my life and in the lives of others around me as I seek Him first. I know it won’t be easy, but then again, the easy things are not the best things. May God bless each of your lives as you seek first the Kingdom of God.
I got saved at a very early age. God gave me a desire for Him and I remember spending hours in the word. Then I was physically abused as a kid and had to deal with a father, who although he loved me, struggled with anger issues and would sometimes explode on me. I withdrew and determined to trust no one. Combined with my bitterness I have episodes of Narcolepsy that when I am really stressed I will sleep so deeply that I can’t be woken up and I will lose bladder control and sometimes even quit breathing. Because I would not give up my bitterness I would wet the bed.
I also believed several of Satan’s lies, that I was a failure, that nobody loved me, that my dad hated me, that God hated me, and even that I hated me. I believed I was worthless and that I wasn’t worth living. I couldn’t trust anybody. All of this was on my inside, if you asked the people who knew me at that time they would have told you that I was a mischievous, funny kid but that I was never serious. I had so much wrong with me while living the “Christian” life. It kept getting worse though inside. I never wanted to be hurt so I would try to please everyone. It was so miserable that several times I would “run away” and I struggled so much with suicidal thoughts that I thought I was going crazy. I would habitually lie to avoid punishment.
At age 15 I got caught up with lust and the physical aspects. I was very ignorant but I got addicted and could not stop. I was exposed to porn and was caught up in it and would leave it but keep returning to it like the young man void of understanding in Proverbs 7. It was about this time that I started listening to rock music without my parents knowing it.
My parents caught me a couple times on the lust problems and I would lie to them and tell them whatever I could to get them to not be angry with me. I believed another lie of Satan that if they knew what I was really doing that they would never forgive me. I was so wrong. I thought that if my Dad who got angry over little things knew how much I struggled and the depth of my sin that he would kill me or hurt me really bad. I hated myself so much because I would try everything to get free and I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to free myself from my sin because I was keeping secrets.
Satan had me right where he wanted me. Defeated, wanting an end. I went through ALERT Basic training and God broke me and I saw how selfish I was. However, I was kicked out of Basic and I went right back home to my problems. I got deeply into my sins and the depression, suicidal thoughts, and the defeated lifestyle came back. I was so desperate once that I loaded my gun and walked out onto the back pasture to end it all. My dad heard me leave though and being the vigilant guy he is walked out to see what I was doing. I said I thought I had heard something and he thought I was being silly. I also started listening to a rock station on the radio almost all the time.
I went back through Basic and because I was so busy I lived a victorious life. I thought I had it under control. Truly the Idle hands are the devils tools. I did pretty decent in Basic and I came back for ERT. While I was there, some guys who had issues liked to tease and one young man and I were the brunt of the jokes and teasing. I started again on the depression and not surprisingly my nighttime accidents and Narcolepsy returned. The teasing continued and it was just like my dad had been hurting me again. I decided to fight back while also trying to commit suicide again. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone and I had nothing to lose. I decided to fight back and I trained myself to be a weapon. I pushed my body to it’s limits and then some. I learned ways to kill people with whatever I could find. My anger became a tool to hurt others if it came to it again. Part of pushing myself to limits was that I would see how much pain I could stand. I would cut myself and see how long I could do it, I punched anthracite until my knuckles would bleed and I had to pick the pieces of coal out of my raw knuckles. Once I had to sew up a wound with regular needle and thread. I was doing all this in my own strength, I became the best at whatever I wanted yet still I was a victim to my own lusts. I would run 5 miles a day on my bad knees yet I would not be able to control my own desires.
Out of desperation I tried to get some accountability partners. Yet because I would not tell my dad my secret sins and my struggles, I would fail time and time again. God really humbled me through some incidents. When I thought no one cared, some godly young men came forward and woke me up every night for 15 weeks so I wouldn’t have an accident. They banded together to protect me and the other fellow who was the brunt of all the jokes. They were indeed a friend to the friendless. Some Godly officers took time to see what was happening and spoke out about what was happening. Several families “adopted” me so I could be a part of them.
When I saw the love of others to me, who I saw no good thing in, it broke me, I sought God again. I confessed my sins to God and purposed to live a life anew. My quiet times took on new meanings and I had one every day and I would pray for hours a day. I stayed on at ALERT and served in their ministry yet I still was entrapped in my struggle for lust. I couldn’t get free because I wouldn’t tell my dad and humble myself. I had a proud heart. I still thought I could defeat my problems. I did conquer most of them. I quit my secular music and started listening only to light CCM or vocal music. And even then not for weeks or months at a time would I listen to any music. I buffeted my body, ate one meal a day or less, started a fast a week, committed large passages of scripture to mind and started to disciple people. For a time my struggle with lust took a back burner as I sought God
In a garden you can pull out all the weeds, all the tops but unless you get the roots, the weeds will be back, and worse than b4. Gradually things started going wrong again. I wanted to be freed and I tried to get anyone to be my accountability partner and help me. I even had a girl as one. That was fine until her dad found out. It would have been much easier if I had just forgiven my dad and started trusting him. I started some online relationships with girls that were bad and God gave me the grace to stop it, also at that time God completely broke me of porn. I no longer saw those girls as objects, but that they could have been my sister, my cousin, they were someone’s daughter and that when I looked at them I was the very person I despised!
I repented of my actions and got closer with my parents yet I didn’t tell them everything. I would continue to spend time in God’s word and try to do good works, but they were me trying. God rarely flowed through me. I went on the Journey after I left ALERT. I had 2 goals, to conquer lust and to get closer to God. The very first day some of the previous Journey guys got up and shared about how that sin’s Strength is in it’s secrecy. I didn’t want to tell my dad everything. I didn’t want anyone to know what I was doing. Yet I determined to call him and be honest. I told him how recent my struggles were, and expressed a willingness to tell him anything. I left behind what I was doing wrong and only after I determined to do what was right did God give me the insights. Proverbs 1:23 says Turn ye at my reproof; behold, I will pour my spirit upon you, I will make my words known unto you. It wasn’t until I repented that God really began to move.
Despite God moving in several of our lives we still weren’t reaching the power of one accord. I prayed and something came to mind. I wasn’t sure I should say anything so I committed it to prayer. I later mentioned it to another guy and he too said that God had given him the same thing. I would run almost every morning and that Wednesday morning I had run 4.3 miles in 30 minutes. I was really pumped and I wanted to go again the next morning. Jordan asked me not to because we were going to be fasting the next day, so we decided to pray instead. We prayed for the guys and for God to move and there were times we couldn’t but cry and worship, we prayed for an hour but it felt like 20 minutes.
When the temptation arose, God gave me the grace to flee and I haven’t stopped running. You can’t fight lust, you have to run. God completely will free you from your struggles if you confess your sin and turn from it. I have had to take away the things that influence me towards the world. Honestly on my Journey I thought my music was ok, the movies I watched were ok. I was soo wrong. I heard the guys talking about how God freed them and the destructiveness that had been worked in their own lives. God really spoke to me through other guys and their willingness to confess. I told my dad everything. I saw that parts of my heart were uncircumcised, I had a critical spirit towards some people, and that I had a proud heart. With confession comes freedom. It is so important to be open, and contrite. The Lord loves a humble heart.
I came back and I looked at my music and at my movies with an objective outlook. So much of what I thought was ok and Christian was not God pleasing. Without even touching the rock music subject, it was impossible on many of my songs to tell who they were talking about.. was it God? Or was it their boyfriend? I even had the boldness to witness to strangers. God has been using me as a channel, but only when I look to Him and have removed everything that I put above Him. Also the power of vows; I made a vow to remain pure until marriage and to never look at porn in any form. It has been amazing to be so free! A lot of this testimony is about all that happened before God worked and the problems, yet not very much is about what happened. It’s because it’s not complicated to get right. It takes a little step and a determination to do what is right ALL the time. All it requires is openness and humility.
I am looking forward to see what God will do in my life and in the lives of others around me as I seek Him first. I know it won’t be easy, but then again, the easy things are not the best things. May God bless each of your lives as you seek first the Kingdom of God.
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