My audience with the Captain

I walk into the massive warmly lit hall. I walk past the many faithful in their armor so bright and shining. I see His elect garbed in their best, each wearing their medals. Yet among the elect and those I respect I see the glares and the hateful glances from those who claim to serve Him and I stride on anyways, wearing my battered and stained armor as I would the brightest medals I have been given by my Captain.
I stand at attention before my Captain as He addresses me.
"Why do you act the way you do? Why are you rebellious and bitter?"

The whole court gathers, both the elect and the hypocrites; the elect do not judge, but I can feel the condemning stares of the self righteous. I do not give an answer, I just act. I strip off my battle-worn armor standing naked to the waist.

"My Captain, how many scars are on my chest from YOUR enemies? I have fought FOR YOU, and I have fought hard with what I have, and I've never given up."

He waits in silence as I continue, bitterness and anger flowing from my lips. I turn around showing my back to all. My back is covered in scars, some of the wounds are fresh, some are swollen and red, inflamed with infection. My back looks as if I was whipped and cut and abused. One of the elect, one who I admire, asks the question that I need.

"Where did you get these?"

I look at my Captain and speak with vehemence. "When I was fighting for YOU, YOUR servants, those who claim YOUR name did this to me. They have hurt me with their words, with their actions, and with the things they did not do. Then after they wounded me, they left me on the field with only my foes." I say with regret.. "and I've been losing Your battles."

He speaks, not judging me, or condemning my one time friends, but asking me a simple question. "Have I ever forsaken you? Have I wounded you?"

I stand abashed as He continues, "My son, I did not call you here to condemn or to judge, but to heal. Do you want My touch?"

Ashamed, I nod my head, too abashed to answer. "You must let go of all your pain, your bitterness, and your anger."

I don't want to let go, it's all I have to hold onto sometimes. But I realize that my bitterness really makes it hard for me to be with the elect. I do want to let go.. my wounds, my scars they hinder me and they hurt every time I move. I didn't have to say anything, for He knew my thoughts.
With one touch He healed me of my pain. I heard one of the elect gasp. I turned and something felt free. I twisted and turned and I knew, my mat of scars was gone. But a sharp spasm sent me to my knees.

"Do you want me to heal this too?" His very touch sent a rack of pain through my back.

"But Lord, this was from Her! I loved her so much, I didn't do wrong to her, I just wasn't good enough. I loved her anyways. I didn't speak evil of her, but her parents who claimed YOUR name hurt me so much, then the girl that I wanted to be by my side as I followed You. But she turned on me and turned some things into deep pain. The wound that YOUR so called servants dealt me.. it's festered and I can't move without pain. Lord, I need to let go, although I know it's time I need to let go and move on. This hurts me so much but I want YOUR healing."

With one touch not only did the swelling go away but I could feel all the infection disappear. I twisted and most of the pain was gone, but I could still feel the scar. I knew that some wounds are always there, and the scar is not there to provoke bitterness but as a reminder to do things differently.

Then last of all, He looked into my eyes and spoke. "What others have done to you was not in my name, for you know that I will always love you, for you are mine! Do not worry about what the hypocrites do or say for you know that their path is not Mine and they will reap what they have sown. You are mine."