The Dangers of Courtship

Courtship, what a wonderful cure-all for the single Christian that doesn't want to date or pursue a girl the worldly way. Who doesn't want to be like the Ludy's? A story like theirs, one that seems so special and inspiring, truly is amazing. Courtship can be most inspiring, or most depressing. Courtship, like everything else in life, will not work all the time in all cases. It is highly dependent on the people involved in the courtship. Courtship is not for everyone.

The dangers of courtship starts with the basic mindset that each person has before going into courtship. Too often the young man and young woman have the mindset that their life purpose is to prepare for marriage. I've seen it, we all have seen it. This mindset is very wrong. Our purpose is to be serving God. Marriage is not the Christian's purpose!

If our young people are focused on marriage, almost always a courtship will fail. What is courtship? Courtship was started waaay back in the day when people didn't have guns, and women wore poofy dresses and were always chaperoned and young men were reckless and fought each other for no good reason. You can research it, it was started by the gentry as a way to give their daughters away to the most qualified man. Courtship is never mentioned in the Bible, and it isn't the "bibical" way to find a wife.

One of the facts of courtship is parent involvement. Parent involvement is critical to a successful relationship, especially one that you want to end in marriage. I wish that I had given my parents the room to freely give me their advice. However, courtship when combined with controlling parents or the dangerous heresies of Patriarchal beliefs is bad all around. Contrary to some loud opinions, the father is not the mediator between God and his grown children. If the young people need their father to see God's will, then they have no business trying to get married.

Another problem with courtship is the "perfect" courtship. Hate to break it to ya dads and daughters, but the young man that is interested in your daughter isn't going to be one of Horatio Algers little perfect guys. He will have been exposed to filth, and you better hope that he's been through some trials and that he has had his faith tested. If you expect the future husband to never have noticed girls, or never to have lusted, then better wait for Jesus to come back and wed his bride, the church. Jesus is the only perfect man. I don't expect my future wife to be perfect, and if she says she is, then I'm running fast. I don't want to marry a liar or someone that naive.
In the lines of the perfect courtship is the mindset that the perfect courtship will end in marriage. See, courtship is about finding out if it works, and if the young people are compatible. A successful courtship doesn't always end in marriage. The mindset that courtship is always towards marriage can end with disastrous results. Courtship is not the structured way to fall in love. Courtship is just another man made way to find a wife in a safer manner. If the young people involved allow themselves to blindly fall in love in any relationship, courting, or dating, well I need not to speak of the results.

All in and throughout.. our focus needs to be on God, not man, not a woman. See, God created us with a major hole in our hearts. It is a God shaped hole, but when we, I, or you, try to fill God's hole with someone else, or something else, it's going to end with heartbreak and a bigger hole. God needs to be the focus of our life.

What is the ideal way to find a mate? Dating as we know it.. well not the best idea. Courtship isn't the answer either, but it's better than dating. Is there any certain answer? is there a certain way to find a wife? What about 37 steps to a Godly mate? My friends, there is no certain way. There is no answer found in man, it's kinda like salvation, there is only an answer in God.

There are some things that are needed, of us, for a courtship to not be so dangerous. Wisdom is needed, parental wisdom needs to be included in the relationship. Discretion, forgiveness, many character qualities are needed to have a successful and safe courtship that might end in marriage. Courtship is not the magic blender in which you throw two individuals and end up with a picture perfect marriage!

I'd appreciate any comments, lol I'm human too, and as you can probably tell, I've had some courtship issues. :P

Oh btw, the reason courtships are doomed for failure with controlling parents is because the balancing factor in controlling courtships in the olden days is gone. And the balancing factor is dueling. :D