A sewerrat's tale

Friends

2011-01-21T06:05:00.000-08:00

There are time where you need encouragement and someone to help you. I have one friend who has been a real help recently. And I think she's pretty too :D

The New Occult?

2010-09-05T18:46:00.000-07:00

I got asked recently which team I was for.. Not the Red Sox, or OU, or the Rangers, but some wacky Team Jacob or Team Edward. Yes, that was my introduction into Twilight, the world of cult fan fiction. I could talk about the obsession with Twilight alone, but I'd probably barf cantaloupe chunks all over my laptop. I wish it was just something new and horrific that the older folks could shake their heads at in shock; but, it really is just a sick manifestation of mistaken hero worship.
Mistaken hero worship has been around for a long time, my granddad used to talk about the stars of the airwaves, the Shadow, The Lone Ranger with his faithful steed and trustworthy sidekick, then my dad's heroes, Tarzan and Jane, John Carson of Mars, and Batman.
We long for heroes who are human, yet not human, people who have abilities to take horrid situations and change them miraculously better for all. Superheroes with almost supernatural powers... we long to be like them, heck, I wanted to be Wolverine from X-Men, Spiderman, wished I could fly, but that was when I was a child of 10. Besides, claws that come out... still cool.
But recently there has been a surge, not just in the world, but among Christians, and it's a little disturbing. Instead of Batman being every girl's heart desire, it's a vampire, a werewolf, something supernatural, that reeks of evil. In the last 3-5 years there has been an outbreak of movies and tv shows portraying vampires and creatures of mythology as normal and good.
The Gates-portrays vampires and werewolves, succubi and witches as misunderstood, people just trying to be good.
True Blood, pretty much twilight tv show, girl with lame life falls in love with a vampire and a dog shifter, lots of sex and violence.
Twilight-barf. but a girl who is a snotty nosed rebellious brat gets in a love triangle with a werewolf and a vampire. Lame on the violence.
Vampire diaries-girl gets in incest triangle.
And lots of Anime vampires.
Why this sudden fascination with the supernatural? I understand longing for the ability to change things, whether it's super strength, being immortal, bullet proof, and looking really good too, but what's disturbing is that we are looking to demonic characters for our heroes.
Just take a look at vampires.. they feed on human life.. come on! Don't be a retard and say it's ok.

Do you really want to change people's lives? To be a real hero? To have powers reserved for demigods?
Trust in God and let him use you.
Samson, killed a thousand with a asses jaw. David's Mighty Men killed Giants and Lions, Judges, where mere men were possessed with God's might power and wiped out hundreds of better armed men. The Apostles who brought back dead people and healed people.
You want real power? Get off your lazy rear and do something for God.
Sheesh! Don't make me spew cantaloupe chunks.

Blackwater Diving Part 2

2010-07-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

Well, ok, so last time, I was 35 feet down with no sense of direction and a slightly panicked dive buddy. Honestly, I wasn't feeling so hot either. Well, no sense of direction, the problem is that we were really screwed up.

I also said it was about our Christian walk when you really can't see how to look up, when your light is bright, but it doesn't help either.

Well when we were there, with almost no options, we resorted to one of the fundamentals. We let some air out. The air bubbles floated up. It was one of those things where you are so happy to see a simple thing.

Well we just followed the bubbles. :D the solution to a hard problem was a simple answer.

That's the way it is with our Christian walk. We are surrounded with complicated problems. Christians doing evil things, compromising their faith for the pleasures of a minute. I've even done it. And that's when we have and need a simple answer. We need to love Jesus once again.
We need to let Him lead our walk. We can't seek His will through extra doctrines and extra rules and judgement on those who fail.
We have to walk the simple path of love, and the Bible. If we are faithful, He will be faithful too.

Blackwater diving.Part One.

2010-07-23T23:49:00.000-07:00

Blackwater diving is perhaps the second most dangerous diving, the first being cave diving, but then again, as my instructor said, only crazy people dive caves.
Blackwater diving is diving in perfectly black water. It is so dark that when you put your hand in front of your face you can't see your hand. Even if your hand is on your face, you still cannot see the difference. Yet when you turn on your flashlight, it extends into the distance like a laser beam. This phenomenon naturally occurs when there is an excess of debris is the first strata of water. the debris catches the light and completely blocks it. the lower strata are completely light and debris free.

When I went on my Blackwater dive with my dive buddy Jon, our Dive master who gave us our dive buoy so no matter where we went, we would always have that line showing us which way was up. As we descended below 35 feet it got so black, it was disorientating.
We started our search for stolen cars, but, as we proceeded, Jon, hit me on the arm, and pointed to our back.
I shined my dive light and I see our buoy floating right behind us, shrunken with pressure. We had no way up... We had lost our sense of direction.

That's the feeling I have now. That there is so much blackness that the little light I shine just seems to disappear. The things that I would look to direction, the exterior things, they aren't not working. People I know and respect are doing things they once clearly knew to be wrong once.
It's not just anybody, it's people who I respect, who I like. I've been through two deaths this summer, and it's shaken my world. One because it was my first granddad, and the other one, was it was a boy who I could have saved after he drowned.. but I wasn't able to.
Life will always have those moments, when you get bewildered, lost, disorientated with where you are. You can't even guess which way is up.

Part 2 coming soon, you will see the conclusion to both my diving story, and what I feel God is leading me to when disorientated. :D

Christian Mediocrity

2010-07-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

"So today I did _______,” said my friend.

"Wow... so can I ask a really hard question? How did you, as a Christian, get past the 'Thou shalt not _______' part? I'm not judging you, just asking."

"Well, I thought about it for a really long time, and we don't really know what the original Hebrew words meant."

I didn't really know what to say at this point. This wasn't just a random question. Over the past year as I went to college and was more exposed to other people's lives I saw many things happen in others lives that were direct contradictions to the teachings of God's word. I have done some of those things.

No, I'm not talking about murder or highway robbery, but things we all think are ok.

I've been with a group of Christians who were having fun but always joking about sex. Some of them wouldn't joke about it, but just make sexual comments. I had a discussion with one girl that was adamant that cheating in college was ok because she needed to get through just a couple of hard courses. Incidentally, they were hard because instead of learning them in high school she cheated her way through them. I've seen guys and girls jump in and out of relationships. They justify sex before marriage, defrauding each other, and doing many actions that seem contrary to God's purpose.

Their reasons are interesting. I hear, and I have said, “My actions don't hurt anyone. It's not clear in the Bible. It never says don't do this specific action. It was only a joke.”

What does the Bible say about this?

1) As my friend said, the Hebrew words might mean something else.

In Mathew 5:18 Jesus says, "For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled."

Furthermore John writes in 1 John, 1:1-3, "That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, of the Word of life; (For the life was manifested, and we have seen it, and bear witness, and shew unto you that eternal life, which was with the Father, and was manifested unto us;) That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye also may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ."

2 Peter 1:16 says, “For we have not followed cunningly devised fables, when we made known unto you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but were eyewitnesses of his majesty."

Jesus himself says in John 10:34-35 "Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are gods? If he called them gods, unto whom the word of God came, and the scripture cannot be broken?”

There are so many more verses where God says the Bible is his word and it is accurate. God did not make these rules to be broken or to have an excuse to break us, but to show us our need for him. We claim grace for our sins, and we disbelieve anything that says we are wrong. I've made the excuse, "They just don't understand."

God does understand, and every action we do against his law is a slap in his face and of his son who died for us. Did God indeed give us grace so we could sin more?

I am tired of my mediocrity, and I am disgusted by yours. I am ashamed by my actions, and heartbroken at yours. I see brothers and sisters, who once were so bold for Christ, choose the pleasures of this world and carelessly spit on a sacrifice so hard won.

In addition, lest you or I claim that the Bible is not accurate, Jesus said that if we break one of the least of these commandments and proclaim it to be the truth, we are the least in the Kingdom of Heaven.

2.) We say our actions hurt no one. That our time is our own; how can it be so bad if it feels so right?

Paul says our lives are not our own, we have been bought at a price, we are slaves to righteousness, We are athletes in the games. We don't have time for the luxuries and pleasures of this world. We need to buffet our bodies so we may win this prize. The church's actions, my inaction... they make me want to throw up.

We don't have time to do things that don't benefit people. Have you not read the word that our every action will be called into account? Not only will we be judged for what we did do, but we will be judged for our inaction.

3.) It was only a joke... yeah, that's one of my biggest weaknesses. If you know me... I tell major jokes. I have pulled off some noteworthy pranks. I convinced two girls that I cut off my own foot to get out of an accident once. It sure was funny!

I have to carefully look at this.. it's clear that the man who says he was only in jest after hurting people is a terrible hindrance. This does fall under every action being accountable.

I know when somebody accidentally makes a sexual reference... it's funny as all get out, but when we do it intentionally... forget WWJD, how about what would your mother do? She'd slap me so fast that even my superior instincts wouldn't see it.

We live a life of mediocrity. Whatever happened to living a life dedicated to God? We are supposed to pursue God and we pursue the world. When was the last time we even took time to look at our lifestyle from a third person point of view? Or even from God's viewpoint?

My lifestyle has saddened me much over the last 6 months. I'm sure God feels even worse about it. To me... God isn't my sugar daddy... he's someone real, someone to be feared and respected.

We care only for ourselves.

Ben's Bedtime story

2010-06-04T22:52:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there lived this man. he was a normal man, in a normal time with a normal family and a normal home and a normal farm and a normal dog with the normal cat. The man would get up at the normal time and go eat his normal food and go out and work. And that's where the normal ended. This man was different, he would go out and work until the job was done. See, that wasn't normal, because it was what was needed, not what was the norm. He was single, see his beautiful wife and his beloved daughter had died off in the last plague. It was a blessing in disguise for his land was ruled by an evil oppressor who had no respect for life or families. It was an evil time. The normal man, Bob, had one comfort, his neighbors, the sluckian family. They also had a daughter, Susie, who had been his daughter's play mate.
One day the evil bands of lawless oppressor (the pepians) were roaming the land and they decided to take not only the crops of the normal families but they decided to take the beautiful daughter of the normal man's neighbor. The evil band of five rode in and stole the daughter and killed the entire sluckian family when they resisted.
When Bob saw the sluckian farm burning, he knew what had happened. He started running to cut the invaders off, armed only with his pitchfork. He ran as hard as he could and he made it to the intersection before the raiders did. he took off his shirt, revealing his muscled torso holding the shirt in one hand, the pitchfork in the other. He hid in the ditch and waited for them.. as the lead one approached, his horse running full speed, he flapped his shirt, spooking the horse... and throwing the rider to the ground. He jumped out and thrust the pitchfork into the second rider's neck causing instant painful death. He then broke the handle off creating a spike, that he slammed into the fallen riders body, pinning him like a beetle. he then pulled out the fallen rider's sword and slashed the belly of the third horse and then hacking his riders head off with the back stroke as the rider fell. the fourth horse spooked at the sight of blood and backed into the fifth rider causing susie to get knocked to the ground. The fourth rider tried to clear his sword but Bob rammed the sword into his gut, then swung up using the sword as an axis to jump onto the last living evil pepian. They both fell to the ground and they wrestled around until at last Bob choked the last one to death. Susie ran up to the blood covered Bob and held on to dear life crying incoherently. Give the poor girl a break, her whole family was wiped out.

The next day he called a meeting together of his people. They debated for a while then at last they said.. we must go and fight the pepians, we must let them know our women are not their playthings!
Bob and the men marched out to battle with the evil pepians.
They met them in the valley of the dirty snow. There Bob's people were afraid.. there were 500 pepians to their 25 farmers! and Bob had the only swords. Bob, the normal man.. was in a position. Would he do the normal thing.. and flee with his fellow normal people? or would he get the job done?

The normal people did what normal people do when faced with extraordinary situations. They fled! Well, one left.. Bob. Bob stood there sword in hand. The pepians stood there and laughed at the one man with a sword. Then they charged. When at last the dust settled and the blood stopped flowing one man stood. But he did not stand alone.. he had God standing with him. God wants the normal man to do extraordinary things so that God can do supernatural things through him. Bob? he had the sword stuck to his hand.. but he still stood.
11 Sam 23:10

knotted

2010-05-27T19:52:00.000-07:00

You stand there, all tied up with knots, you stand there hopeless, saying that you don't know what to say or to start, your whole life is knotted up with horrible knots.. and you want to reach for the scissors and end the string of events. You think the scissors are good for you and you push me away when you need a friend the most. I'm not offering a quick fix, or that it will get better soon, but I am willing to sit down and help you untie each knot. For as you look close at my hands.. you see each of my fingers is calloused and bruised from untying knots in my life.. you never know of who helps you with the knots in life... I never did.

Just another day on the farm,

2010-05-20T06:31:00.000-07:00

Farm life always starts too early, no matter, if you went to bed at 3 in the morning, or 11 at night. This morning the sunshine came up way too early. But it has it's bright spots, there are the puppies, one of them charged and barked. it's kinda cute. We have a new calf, it's pure black and already it's ancy and jumping around. I'm applying for several more jobs, calling KSA up today and faxing in an application. It's still hard getting over the events of the weekend, I guess I will always blame myself. I'm the guy who is always prepared.. and I wasn't prepared enough. At least I have you, who helps me through the pain.

Parents Can lose the Right to be Respected and Honored.

2010-05-13T11:34:00.001-07:00

Let me start this post off by clarifying. This post is just stating an exception. I am stating that there is an exception that I hope is rare.

In the Torah, the Pentateuch specifically, there are crimes that would result in death of the offender, sodomy, adultery, murder, trying to kill someone, etc. According to that, if a parent did any of those things, especially to his kids, he lost the right to live, which included the right to be a parent.
Now that I have established that biblical fact, we have the issue of today, where people can do those offenses and get away with it. My personal belief is that if a person does that, they still deserve to lose the right to life.
If a parent has done any of those things, in my chain of logic, they have lost the right to respect and honor.
Debate it if you want, it's clear to me.

Life and Death

2010-04-19T10:06:00.000-07:00

What is the difference between life and death?
Is it really a river depicted in Pilgrims Progress? Is it the light at the end of the tunnel? Life is full of meaning for everyone. Family, friends, loved ones, maybe a wife or husband... simple little things like a hug that can turn your day around. Death? It is described as evil, dark, it snatches and steals and takes. Life is beautiful, Death is ugly. When you combine life with death you have life after death.. but that is a topic for another time. What is the difference between life and death?
Death is despair, life is joyous...
The difference between life and death is 5.6 lbs.

My Deal with the Devil

2010-03-04T16:12:00.000-08:00

As the years go by, people keep asking me one question. "What is your secret to success? How do you end up getting everything you desire?
I say this and that, every day it is something different. My real secret is one that few would accept. I made a deal with the devil.
It was a sweet deal. I got everything I ever wanted
I got all the money I ever wanted, I made a killing in real estate. The girl that broke my heart.. well she came back begging to be mine and I crushed her heart. I had the pick of any girl I ever wanted! It was really a sweet deal. I got the best cars and motorcycles, I had immunity in life. Everything went my way! lol, you gotta ask what I signed over to get everything I ever wanted. No, I didn't sign my soul over to the devil. I was "saved" a long time ago.
What did I sign over? I just quit reading my Bible, quit praying, didn't go to church, did some mean things from time to time, was selfish, did what felt right... the list goes on. I just put me first. It's been an awesome life! But you know what the sweetest part is? Knowing that all you suckers out there are doing what I got a great deal on.. doing the same exact things and you are doing it for free! What chumps.

"This is pure fiction. well it has a moral to it."
Ben

The Dangers of Courtship

2009-12-28T14:24:00.000-08:00

Courtship, what a wonderful cure-all for the single Christian that doesn't want to date or pursue a girl the worldly way. Who doesn't want to be like the Ludy's? A story like theirs, one that seems so special and inspiring, truly is amazing. Courtship can be most inspiring, or most depressing. Courtship, like everything else in life, will not work all the time in all cases. It is highly dependent on the people involved in the courtship. Courtship is not for everyone.

The dangers of courtship starts with the basic mindset that each person has before going into courtship. Too often the young man and young woman have the mindset that their life purpose is to prepare for marriage. I've seen it, we all have seen it. This mindset is very wrong. Our purpose is to be serving God. Marriage is not the Christian's purpose!

If our young people are focused on marriage, almost always a courtship will fail. What is courtship? Courtship was started waaay back in the day when people didn't have guns, and women wore poofy dresses and were always chaperoned and young men were reckless and fought each other for no good reason. You can research it, it was started by the gentry as a way to give their daughters away to the most qualified man. Courtship is never mentioned in the Bible, and it isn't the "bibical" way to find a wife.

One of the facts of courtship is parent involvement. Parent involvement is critical to a successful relationship, especially one that you want to end in marriage. I wish that I had given my parents the room to freely give me their advice. However, courtship when combined with controlling parents or the dangerous heresies of Patriarchal beliefs is bad all around. Contrary to some loud opinions, the father is not the mediator between God and his grown children. If the young people need their father to see God's will, then they have no business trying to get married.

Another problem with courtship is the "perfect" courtship. Hate to break it to ya dads and daughters, but the young man that is interested in your daughter isn't going to be one of Horatio Algers little perfect guys. He will have been exposed to filth, and you better hope that he's been through some trials and that he has had his faith tested. If you expect the future husband to never have noticed girls, or never to have lusted, then better wait for Jesus to come back and wed his bride, the church. Jesus is the only perfect man. I don't expect my future wife to be perfect, and if she says she is, then I'm running fast. I don't want to marry a liar or someone that naive.
In the lines of the perfect courtship is the mindset that the perfect courtship will end in marriage. See, courtship is about finding out if it works, and if the young people are compatible. A successful courtship doesn't always end in marriage. The mindset that courtship is always towards marriage can end with disastrous results. Courtship is not the structured way to fall in love. Courtship is just another man made way to find a wife in a safer manner. If the young people involved allow themselves to blindly fall in love in any relationship, courting, or dating, well I need not to speak of the results.

All in and throughout.. our focus needs to be on God, not man, not a woman. See, God created us with a major hole in our hearts. It is a God shaped hole, but when we, I, or you, try to fill God's hole with someone else, or something else, it's going to end with heartbreak and a bigger hole. God needs to be the focus of our life.

What is the ideal way to find a mate? Dating as we know it.. well not the best idea. Courtship isn't the answer either, but it's better than dating. Is there any certain answer? is there a certain way to find a wife? What about 37 steps to a Godly mate? My friends, there is no certain way. There is no answer found in man, it's kinda like salvation, there is only an answer in God.

There are some things that are needed, of us, for a courtship to not be so dangerous. Wisdom is needed, parental wisdom needs to be included in the relationship. Discretion, forgiveness, many character qualities are needed to have a successful and safe courtship that might end in marriage. Courtship is not the magic blender in which you throw two individuals and end up with a picture perfect marriage!

I'd appreciate any comments, lol I'm human too, and as you can probably tell, I've had some courtship issues. :P

Oh btw, the reason courtships are doomed for failure with controlling parents is because the balancing factor in controlling courtships in the olden days is gone. And the balancing factor is dueling. :D

My audience with the Captain

2009-11-27T05:45:00.000-08:00

I walk into the massive warmly lit hall. I walk past the many faithful in their armor so bright and shining. I see His elect garbed in their best, each wearing their medals. Yet among the elect and those I respect I see the glares and the hateful glances from those who claim to serve Him and I stride on anyways, wearing my battered and stained armor as I would the brightest medals I have been given by my Captain.
I stand at attention before my Captain as He addresses me.
"Why do you act the way you do? Why are you rebellious and bitter?"

The whole court gathers, both the elect and the hypocrites; the elect do not judge, but I can feel the condemning stares of the self righteous. I do not give an answer, I just act. I strip off my battle-worn armor standing naked to the waist.

"My Captain, how many scars are on my chest from YOUR enemies? I have fought FOR YOU, and I have fought hard with what I have, and I've never given up."

He waits in silence as I continue, bitterness and anger flowing from my lips. I turn around showing my back to all. My back is covered in scars, some of the wounds are fresh, some are swollen and red, inflamed with infection. My back looks as if I was whipped and cut and abused. One of the elect, one who I admire, asks the question that I need.

"Where did you get these?"

I look at my Captain and speak with vehemence. "When I was fighting for YOU, YOUR servants, those who claim YOUR name did this to me. They have hurt me with their words, with their actions, and with the things they did not do. Then after they wounded me, they left me on the field with only my foes." I say with regret.. "and I've been losing Your battles."

He speaks, not judging me, or condemning my one time friends, but asking me a simple question. "Have I ever forsaken you? Have I wounded you?"

I stand abashed as He continues, "My son, I did not call you here to condemn or to judge, but to heal. Do you want My touch?"

Ashamed, I nod my head, too abashed to answer. "You must let go of all your pain, your bitterness, and your anger."

I don't want to let go, it's all I have to hold onto sometimes. But I realize that my bitterness really makes it hard for me to be with the elect. I do want to let go.. my wounds, my scars they hinder me and they hurt every time I move. I didn't have to say anything, for He knew my thoughts.
With one touch He healed me of my pain. I heard one of the elect gasp. I turned and something felt free. I twisted and turned and I knew, my mat of scars was gone. But a sharp spasm sent me to my knees.

"Do you want me to heal this too?" His very touch sent a rack of pain through my back.

"But Lord, this was from Her! I loved her so much, I didn't do wrong to her, I just wasn't good enough. I loved her anyways. I didn't speak evil of her, but her parents who claimed YOUR name hurt me so much, then the girl that I wanted to be by my side as I followed You. But she turned on me and turned some things into deep pain. The wound that YOUR so called servants dealt me.. it's festered and I can't move without pain. Lord, I need to let go, although I know it's time I need to let go and move on. This hurts me so much but I want YOUR healing."

With one touch not only did the swelling go away but I could feel all the infection disappear. I twisted and most of the pain was gone, but I could still feel the scar. I knew that some wounds are always there, and the scar is not there to provoke bitterness but as a reminder to do things differently.

Then last of all, He looked into my eyes and spoke. "What others have done to you was not in my name, for you know that I will always love you, for you are mine! Do not worry about what the hypocrites do or say for you know that their path is not Mine and they will reap what they have sown. You are mine."

The Limits of Modern Christianity.

2009-10-23T06:05:00.001-07:00

when I wrote this draft, I had gotten this lengthy letter about how Calvinism is wrong about predestination. I personally didn't even read it. Why? Because the letter wasn't about what God says.. it was a reaction to a belief. I don't care whether you believe that God has predestined some to hell, or if you believe you can lose your salvation.
During the last couple years as I have mingled with other Christians I've noticed the trend towards doctrinal division. Yes, it's very important to have beliefs and to have standards, but what is alarming and so wrong about this trend is the way it is influenced by our very human nature.
Why did this one person respond so vehemently against predestination? Why is losing your salvation upheld so strongly? Why do we as Christians take our interpretations of scriptures that has puzzled far wiser and Godlier Christians and shout that our view is correct? We may even shun those who dare to believe differently. But why do we behave this way?
My opinion, and I ask each of you to search your heart for the reason for the strivings among us, is that we are reacting with our human nature to things we hope that couldn't be true.
When confronted with a God that could condemn people to hell and not even give them a chance, we claim, that's not God, My God is fair. Predestination has to be wrong. We search the scriptures to back our views up because we small-mindedly believe we have a small God who can't be so unfair as to choose some over others.
We say that God doesn't do miracles today, because we don't see it today and because it doesn't match up with what we see. Our faith is defined by what we see.
We say that people can lose their salvation, because we cannot comprehend a God who could be so merciful and so loving to never let us go when we spit in His holy face and mock Him. Why? Because our human nature has once again put God into a box shaped by human hands. Our faith is not a Can-Do faith, it's a faith of Can't. The reason we don't fully understand and live for God is because we gave up and we limited God before we even started!
My God not only did all those miracles in the Bible, he's capable of doing it today. He condemned without second thoughts mass genocide because they disgusted him. His Holiness is so powerful and so righteous that anything He does is right. He chooses what He will do despite what we as frail humans say He does.
My God is so deep that I will never say what He can't do.. or what I cannot do through Him.
I believe that my God is so multifaceted that I will never be able to fully explain Him, and that someone else standing next to me can get a different view of Him.
What matters the most is not my fellow brothers doctrine, but that he loves God, that he lives for God. All that matters is Jesus. Let us see what we can do, not what others can't.

Sisyphus

2009-09-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

Straining every moral fibre
for to rest is to slip
a slip is a fall-a failure
around my tired frame fallen brothers
ones left behind in their Sisyphean
challenge to fail alone emboldened
by fear I press on
Straining
Striving
Failing

Everyday I am the same
Will I ever change or
will I stay this way
another Sisyphus pushing uphill

Exhausted I strain bleeding
for each forward step I take
this burden I push growing
heavier each moment-others
stop to help-or so saying
they state encouragement or
help push a little then moving
uphill I go faster-often my
brothers 'side me climbing
on my burden casting
adding
hating
Judging

Everyday I am the same
Will I ever change or
will I stay this way
another Sisyphus pushing uphill

I push on-giving my all
stubbornly, angrily, frustrated
wanting to give up why is this
so hard-jaded-I believe my fate
not realizing my problem all
along is me finally I acknowledge
the need for His help not for
more strength but for Him to
take this burden away
Asking
Begging
Pleading

Everyday I am the same
Will I ever change or
will I stay this way
another Sisyphus pushing uphill

Stopping-gasping for air wondering
where He is-seeing Him where
He has been all this time-here
falling to my knees-almost crushed
by this mammoth burden crying out not
for strength but for deliverance
He reaches out with one hand-grasping
my burden so effortlessly-His other
hand-so strong-so gentle-lifting
me from my battered knees-at
His touch my burden shrinks
to nothing-wiping away my blood
tears and sweat then leading
me up the hill we go
Resting
Following
Trusting

Everyday I am the same
I am changed I am in His
way casting all cares on Him
running uphill-Sisyphus no longer

copyrighted all rights reserved

A knight in sullied armor

2009-09-06T21:29:00.000-07:00

My mom really dislikes that I refer to myself sometimes as a sullied knight. I've called myself a knight in sullied armor. This may strike may people a little wird, but what I am saying is a reflection of how I believe we should live.I am not a knight in shining armor. I do not have the time to sit and polish and buff my armor. My armor is dented and stained. It has many holes in it, it has entrenched sweat stains, and it has a few blood stains and splatters of weird and mysterious origins. My armor is sullied, it is stained. I have some stains on my body too, a few scars both on my body and I believe on my soul. My sword is not perfect, nor is it shined and polished, it has some deep nicks and scratched in the blade, yet my blade is sharp and the stains it has on it are the stains of enemies, not my friends or companions.
Why is my armor so stained and dirty? Why do I wear sullied armor when all seek the knight in shining armor? I am battle ready, I train for the fight, I live for the day of battle because it is when you say you are done, when you turn to relax, it is then that your fow strikes. I do not battle with flesh that will give in or compromise, I battle with unseen foes that want to steal all that I hold dear. I have fought many times and lost many times, yet the more I fight, the better I get, for I fight under a Captain who is faithful and who has my back. Without him I would be dead. So I am a knight in sullied armor. I will continue ti fight and may my armor be soon covered with fresh stains nobly earned in the service of my Captain.
Do not see my armor and turn away as if it is a mark of disgrace, for I wear it as a trophy for it is earned in the service of my Captain.
Is your armor stained?

"How to Tell a True War Story"

2009-07-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

I hate English.. reading all these feminist crap stories and always getting picked on for having some standards of right and wrong. Today we read and kinda discussed "How to Tell a True War Story."
Here's some of the dialogue and my thoughts on it.

"I thought that this story is indicative of the pain that people go through and how they can't tell it (girl #1)."---- That's because you wouldn't be able to understand it, you can't understand unless you have been through it.

"(girl 2 reads part of the story) I think this is so cruel what they did to the water buffalo.. wonder why they have so much trouble dealing with it." - That's because it's traumatic...

I reread part of the story. The narrator keeps repeating his horrid memory of his friend stepping out onto sunshine that lifts him into the tree. Over and over again the author rehashes how he saw his friend explode. The class babbles on about how the guy feels this and that.. but they don't know. They can't know. Something just sticks with you about these horrid memories, these flashbacks, they are like unpleasant ghosts. They happened.. but they are still around.. and they haunt you for the rest of your life. Maybe the class is right though.. maybe it's time to talk about it and get it out. Maybe it will help.

The moon was four fingers above the horizon, but I still had no sense of the time or how much farther we had left. I was tired.. and in the rear with my squad. People keep gapping and it's frustrating. Needham won't shut up neither will Kocher.. Good gosh.. won't they shut up! one foot in front of the other, step after step.
we are hiking on a road now.. the rocky trails hurt my feet and caused many of us to give up. They will hate themselves for dropping out. Butler, Grengs.. the names go on about those who quit that night. But there were others who didn't quit.. The van pulled up to pick up one of the quitters, and someone boiled out.
"Get back in the van!"
"Sir, this recruit is hiking!" I can hear the pain in Clarks voice.. He's got bad knees. yet he hikes on. He's a former marine.. that guy has got guts.
He hikes on for 15 or so minutes then he gasps for help.. I grab his right arm.. Sweatnam gets his other arm. one foot in front of the other, step after step.
Clark starts screaming.. these deep animal screams. Sandypants and Sweatnam keep trading out and I keep on.
Clark is hurting so bad.. I cry to hear it.
one foot in front of the other, step after step. Eventually they take Clark away from us and we finish the hike.
Sunday morning, Clark got up and thanked the guys who helped him.. but he forgot me, I hadn't said anything.. later I mentioned it to Sandy.. and he accused me of lying..
I still hear the screams though. I see Clark.. and I cry for the pain. I don't know why.. but it's still there. It hurts..

?

2009-06-23T04:56:00.000-07:00

I stand, helmet on the ground, tired, exhausted, I've been losing the daily battles. All my armor is on the ground, I'm battered, bruised, and my weapons seem useless. I've fought and been victorious before, why am I so helpless to this monster now? No matter what I do, the monster within seems to destroy me. Some Knight I am.. I can't even kill a dragon within. The dragon within is slowly destroying my walk.. I can't help others, I can't love, I have to feed the dragon. I've tried starving it, and it only returns with a stronger appetite and I can do nothing to stop him.. or so it seems. Where was my victories? my confidence, I've beaten this dragon before. Once again I pick up my armor, put it on, sharpen my sword and jump into the fray. I've forgotten to release my shroud of guilt and self loathing though, soon the dragon has me at his mercy. I stumble seeking help from everyone but those willing to help. Finally I cry out, to the One who has given me my previous victory.. God I don't want to be the monster I am, I don't want to be under this Dragon, and slowly I gain my strength, Now's the time.. Do I get help from other dragon slayers? Or do I try to beat it on my own? I seek out aid, I find the right help, and I fight back to back. Is the dragon dead? No.. this dragon is more than mere flesh and blood, but I am no longer flat on my back...

Still putting my armor on and sharpening my sword..

Spain day 23

2009-05-11T00:09:00.001-07:00

This is my last Sunday here, Although they sing and pray in a different language here, I see a passion and I can sense the Holy Spirit in a way that I've only felt once before in a church. Church here is very different, It's not so much a social duty or activity as it is a lifestyle. You can't get them out of Church. They love to fellowship and worship almost nonstop here. Church isn't Sunday and Wednesday, it's all week. Monday you have Mens meetings, Tuesday Womens, or vice versus. Wednesday the teenagers, Thursday my age group, Friday is cell groups with families, and Saturday they evangelize. There is such a difference here and there are so few of them, yet they are dauntless. What I see convicted me.. I have 24 hours in a day, same as anyone, yet what do I do with it? Do I uplift? Do I tear down? Do I focus on God? Or is it all about me? What I am doing with my time isn't enough. The people here are on the front lines, surrounded by demonism, immorality, and perversion, and they stand boldly for Christ.
They need money, support, the economy is in a crises here, and I've not heard one complaint.. only how Jesus is using it and how blessed they are despite the times.
They see the need around them and they are trying despite their lack of numbers. Barcelona is one of the Gateways to Europe. What a opportunity...

Day 22

2009-05-09T14:19:00.001-07:00

Today I went with Uncle Mike into a little town that had a natural spring flowing out of a rock. We filled up water bottles. Next we went through the town. It was all buildings still inhabited, but they were 12th century. I walked through there and took pictures. One of the vived memories was rounding a stone house and comon upon a entrance where fresh Laundry was airing. The dark pants and red blouse were against a background of gray stone and faded red roof slates all wafted with the hint of lavender. Wickedly awesome. then we drove to a nearby mountain.. well bluffs on a mountain. We are in the mountains. I got to freeclimb about 20 feet.. oh gosh I thought I was going to die.. at one point I was over 200 feet of air and my foot slipped off as the rocks broke free. I had my arms under me though and so I was just dangling.. what made it hard was the bluff was sandstone which the wind had cut back to rocks so you had to be careful which rocks you grabbed.. :D ...I got some really cool videos though.. Well I had to leave and I decided to beat my time up the bluff by going down.. I beat it by a good 5 minutes. No I didn't jump.. I had just taken the really long path up the bluff and missed the shortcut. Then we talked about the importance of living a life for Christ and being a witness and a missionary to all people. Each of those little towns have about 500 people to 1000... in this one disctrict alone there are thousands of villages just like this. They all have a church.. and they all are empty of souls. Who will go? Who is ready? Truly the fields are white for harvest.. and where are the workers? Sitting on their megasize rears watching movies and playing Halo....
let us reap before the rain comes.

Spain day 18&19

2009-05-07T01:35:00.001-07:00

Tuesday I got to have a real blast. We went and painted the church for about 6 hours then I went to a gym nearby. I had been invited by a sweet lady from church. I went and did some fun stuff.. and running is soo much better on a road.
While I was working with the paint. it was so nice to be with other people and we talked about God and it was amazing. God is very nice just in the small areas. The way he did was an amazing edifying conversation with one of the team that day. He has been blessing me over and over again. Then I went to the gym. ooh I'd rather run on the road. It was nice, but it's really expensive here in Barcelona. After we got done for the day I went out to eat with the group of Americans. We ate a ton of Tapas? sp* 13 of us.. put away 110 of them. see Tapas are like these little hor d' orves... sp* so they have these toothpicks. The place charged an euro a toothpick.. being a Texan, toothpicks... Yup.. I grabbed one and started using it. Hey! no comment.. only problem was they asked for it afterwards.. :P American abroad...
It was amazing walking the streets with Americans and taking pictures and just talking with them. The professor kinda in charge is this amazing guy. Although he's over three times my age we talked like he was three years older than me. I had an interesting debate with Him. It was really nice.
Wednesday I stayed back and worked on the commands of Christ. I am almost done putting the entire book online. :D Then I went down with Kirsten down to town and we picked up some cereal and chocolate (for cookies) and red bull. Ok so I like it. And all you girls would love the chocolate here. It's sooo good and pretty cheap too. That's days 18 and 19 here.... and on day 17 late into the night something amazing happened. Ask in a year.

Spain day 17

2009-05-04T15:48:00.000-07:00

Today was very interesting.. I don't think I quite understood everything.. but we had the Americans here and we painted the church. It was so much fun being with people who spoke english. They are so much fun. There was also some Spanish men working there too so I got to pick up some more Spanish. After we got done with the sanctuary they all left and I went on a prayer walk. I got lost... and turned around and stuff but I made it back. Then I went with Sabrina and Kirsten to the park.. and played with them. I got worn out fast. Then we all went out with a visiting American from Belfast for coffee. It's amazing to see the look on the americans face when I they come in and we all say "Hola, Coma estoy?" and they (like me) struggle to say hello, then they hear me say "Howdy Y'all". It's so much fun. While we were there talking a homless man showed up and just started talking with us. He told us his whole life story. He was from Palestine.. lost his family due to a war. He showed us the pictures and cried. He was not saved and we tried to share the gospel but he was very very drunk. It's so sad to see this.. People who have given up on life, yet who are so lonely. He didn't even know where he was going to sleep that night but he was so lonely. It's not just here that people are like that.. there are the homeless among us who need just random acts of kindness. Let us show them more.

Spain day 16

2009-05-03T23:58:00.000-07:00

Sunday was interesting.. I had slept over at the church all night. well for 4 hours. Those Spanish kids are just like American kids.. they play when the cats away.. then we had to stay at the church all day and I stole two hours and went into the office and slept.. they said they missed me but I know that they were really happy I didn't eat a ton of food. :D We have 7 people here from a college in Fort Wayne and they are going to be here until the 12th. They are helping with the church too and doing touristy things. 5 girls, one guy, and their professor is on the way. I feel really sorry for the guy, (Phil) because he is soo outnumbered and yes... one of the girls is very ditzy.. but they all for the most part have a real desire to serve and to help. We went out for ice cream, don't ask me to spell the word for it here. I got a milkshake. How they make milkshakes here is really cool. You pick out the ice cream you want, they put it in a blender with milk, and they add sugar and nutmeg. WOW, it was really good, although it was expensive. We went to the Plaza de Spain, and sorrow of sorrows... I had forgotten my camera again.. so sorry y'all. Then we headed back to the train station and I hopped on to go to Terressa. Uncle mike went to pick me up and he got lost.. I knew where I was,,, but something neither of us knew was there was 3 stations in Terressa.. not 2. He couldn't find me at either one of those because I was at the very first one. I met some deaf people while waiting though, we couldn't speak very well.
It was a very good Sunday.

Spain day 15

2009-05-02T05:34:00.000-07:00

It's been really good here for the last couple days. I've been typing out the commands of Christ so they can be translated. It's been really cool hanging out with the cousins. Sabrina and Kirsten have been alot of fun to hang with and they like to bicker alot sometimes. Kirsten's nickname is Tatiana. I haven't the slightest idea what it means but they have been fun. Last night I went with the Torres to a Bible study. It was at a nice apartment and there was a huge pool. There were about 8 kids. You will see plenty of pictures later on fb. Well t the the kids were playing futball and tag so one of the dads asked me to make sure that they didn't fall into the pool. I missed a huge bible study about the light of the earth. It was really hilarious to play with the kids none of whom spoke any english and my Spanish was almost as bad. Goal is pretty universal though. Chuta was kick for them.. some type of slang from Brazil. Well to say.. my horrid futball skills showed up. You have any idea how humiliating it is to be beat by a bunch of 6 year olds? Well good thing I don't either, that would have been bad. One of the 6 year old guys noticed that I was always talking to Kirsten and asked if I was her boyfriend. See even kids here are the same.. one of them had gone through several gfs already. I've had to do a little work here but I've more than enjoyed it all. What has been very interesting is the social life. People here aren't friendly unless you are introduced my somebody they know. The pastor is in a city about 40 miles from the closest person so I get alot of time to spend with my cousins when they aren't doing school.
About my cousins, I guess technically they aren't my cousins.. their mom is Rachel Worley Torres.. and my Dad's sister married into the Worley family. All inlaws in this family. Uncle Mike/Miguel is the pastor and he's a real fuzzball. He's really jolly and has a great sense of humor. His duties with the church demand alot of his time. Aunt Rachel seems to be really nice and she keeps working and keeps the kids working and does mch work as well. Kirsten is very sober and works very hard and is very mature and wise for 12 years. yet she can be very fun loving. Sabrina is a very cute adorable little kid, she's age 8. often I come in and I see Kirsten and she's reading her Bible. It really warms my heart to see that. Someone so young seeking God.
Let's follow her example and follow God too.

Spain day 13

2009-04-29T14:34:00.000-07:00

It's been amazing to see it all. The people here have this fire, One guy, Julio, had a job that paid 6000 euros a month. He's a double masters in engineering. He's been really working and investing in the church and he's on fire for God. Really leading the young people. He lost his job a month ago and he was offered a better paying job than his old one but it was in another country. He also got a job offer for the same amount of money but it would make it so he couldn't work at the church. He turned both down so he could live for God.
Saturday night we were all praying before they went witnessing in the streets. They had 10 converts! 10.. and the church is booming. They don't know how to disciple though. The pastor here has seen me going through the commands of Christ booklet and wants to use it in the church. I've been typing them out as Kirsten reads them to me. Then they will translate them. I think maybe God can use me in this way.

Today I made French toast with Kirsten.. haha I'm living proof that guys can cook! but what wasn't so cool was the clean up... did you know that heated sugar when cooled by water forms an epoxy?
:P

Spain day 11

2009-04-27T22:35:00.000-07:00

Today has been nice. I finished up the powerpoint, and spent time reviewing a book on praying in the word. I spent alot of time having a blast with my coz! They really are awesome. It was nice and I was into an interesting debate about spiritual weapons. It's so important to be proactive in the fight!

What ever comes.. i will rejoice although I feel weak, I have laid my hand to the plow and I will not turn back.
It's been hard to deal with some stuff today but I have made the determination and I'm fasting until the desires are gone. Pray God will give me aid as I try to serve Him. This is amazing what God is showing me... and comforting me with Psalm 139

Spain day 10

2009-04-26T16:25:00.001-07:00

It´s been amazing to be here at church.. well all day practically, we came at 9:30 and we stayed here until 12 at night.... God is really firing up this church here. They have such a passion. It puts us to shame.. becayse they are not afraid to live for Christ. They are a light in this darkness and Satan would dearly love to snuff them out. Now they are far from perfect as they would say, pray that they will follow and finish casting off what will hinder them.
God has been doing small things that are so much blessing.. like in church a girl sitting next to me who spoke perfect english and nicely translated for me. My friends who are pouring out prayers for me, a dad I can tell anything to and who loves me more than I thought he could. I´m free, thanks to God.
Why is it easier today? Well I've got a prayer chain. Many of you have seen or know of my dogtag and ring.. well it´s on a break away necklace and there are 181 beads on there. Every morning when I get up, I go over each one praying for someone different. Who do I pray for? Well if you are in my family or you´ve shared with me and I said I´ll pray, I am. God works best in my life when I´m more concerned about others. Thanks soo much for all your prayers and everything. You have no idea the effect they have.
We just spent time at church. I talked alot with Kirsten and she said I had some very sweet friends and she was glad that she got to talk with them. Yes that includes my sister. If she is saying it.. she's gotta be right. Thanks so much all y'all!

Spain day 9

2009-04-25T14:54:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you are up against incredible odds? When you are being beat back? Do you give in? and give up? Do you keep resisting in your own strength? Or do you run to God.. begging for help and forgiveness? I was presented with that challenge today.. I did something.. and I had a choice, I went running to God and told my dad. I know that God is the one who is always big enough. Run to Him!
Today was again more relaxed. I really started learning Spanish and I met some awesome people. Good thing they spoke english. I prayed with the group of people my age but I had to leave before they went street evangelizing. These young people about my age to early 30's use their Saturday nights to go witness to the Homeless and help them out. Saturday night.. when most of us are busy doing our own things. It's really convicting. Their prayers were not the prayers of infants.. but of warriors. God please use us in mighty ways. I see the fire some of this church has and I see great things coming for them as God works. Funny thing for today.. Sabrina tries to tickle my knee and grabs it.. she stops and turns big brown eyes up at me.. "Is that a ball under your skin or a tumor?"
lol..

Spain day 8

2009-04-25T00:43:00.000-07:00

Today I worked with Sabrina on school until she finished, then we went down to Matadepera, however all the stores were closed... even though it was 2-3 in the afternoon. the hours for work here is like 10-2 then 5-8 at night. And the construction for the roads happen at night so it's kinda cool. At 6:30ish we left for a Christian cell party. A bunch of believers gets together every week and invites unsaved couples there. we sang alot of songs.. in Spanish. I can sing it just find if it's written on the screen. I played futball with the kids.. I beat 2 six yearolds.. aren't I special? :D, ok I did let them win once. Three of the men there were futball players, pros. One of the guys was a robotics engineer. Don't ask me to spell their names. but a good deal of them spoke english so it was really nice. They really have a fire for God and they seek Him. It's not always easy though.. yah and we didn't leave until 1 in the morning! and that's when people really started getting hyper... I think they were having some type of coffee addiction. It's really worth observing in greater detail...
May God use us all

Spain day 7

2009-04-23T17:18:00.001-07:00

Today was a comedy. I helped out with the powerpoint again and helped the kids with school. Miguel challenged me to a game of darts. He's much better than me, but I have incredible luck and when I concentrate I can give him a run for his money. I stunk really badly though and we got closer and we did a winner takes all. 6 darts. we both tied at 80 points so we threw once more. He hit 20 points.. the best outside the inner black (25) and the inner red (50) He started teasing me.. so I concentrated and threw... dead center. He about cried and his wife even laughed at him. haha you have to know Mike to understand.
I tried to get Sabrina to do school so Aunt Rachel could study for church. it was like pulling teeth to get her to do her work.. Aunt Rachel and Uncle mike headed out for the prayer meeting and first thing ya know.. power outage!! well these being little girls and me being in Spain, I couldn't find the breaker box. So I took them out on a walk into town and got some great shots and wish I had a better camera. We picked up some drinks and headed back. the night was great for pics. I got back... the power was still off. so I checked again for the breaker box and one girl happened to remember that the box was by the front door! I had walked past it a dozen times. oh well. The washer kept flipping the breaker though.. and one time while it was dark I knocked down a picture and busted the frame in half. oh well. I cooked dinner and put some rosemary in it. Kirsten asked me.. what are these sticks.. and I said.. I picked them off the floor... cockroach legs, and we died laughing. when the parents got back we tried to fix the wireless.. me with one hand on the antenna and another on the celling. it was a good day today. I'm really looking forward to each day. God bless!

Spain day 5

2009-04-21T13:26:00.000-07:00

Today I went on a prayer walk with the pastor and it was very eyeopening. It's so hard for the Christians. There is so much here that is needed. The tv has only 4 channels that don't show porn after 9 pm and don't have texting for dates. the radio has all kinds of stations just pushing sex and immorality. The immorality is prevalent. and even the young kids are being corrupted. Because so much immorality is here one of the things needed is a pregnancy crises center. Here is one of Satan's biggest cities... and the people need Jesus. We do have a set of bold believers here but with the social structure here you can't really go out and witness. These people are not open to witnessing by strangers but they are social. You invite them over and they will come. So the church has formed cell groups and they meet and they will invite a unsaved couple over and reach them that way. With the work schedule and the economy most people don't have time to spend hours in a ministry like the crises center and the church can't support that many workers in this economy. Also they really need a missionary to the muslims.. there is such a huge population and no one is there for them. There are about 8000 towns here with none to bear the light of Christ.
Today on the prayer walk I saw all these guys working out and doing pullups, so being me I went over there. well after I finished showing off a guy asked me for the time. From there I got to witness to him, but like the majority of people here he believed he was a Christian cause he was born into a catholic family. God has a great work to do here..
Please pray.

Spain day 4

2009-04-20T14:13:00.000-07:00

Today was a nice day, I worked with the pastor on preparing a powerpoint on Eternal Security. Alot of the members of his church are from South America and are oof a Pentacostal background and believe you can lose your salvation. Now as many of you know this is a very important issue. How can we be effective in witnessing if we aren't sure if we are going there?
I've also been grading alot of schoolwork for my aunt because she's got alot with the church. There's so many young believers and she has to help with alot of the counseling, and it's hard cause she's homeschooling 2 girls. So I can help them out a little bit. I start prayer walking tomorrow and I need to run 6 miles up the mountain so this seems like tomorrow will be quite the day.
My uncle went to get his brakes fixed... 760 euros!!! Wow.
The burden here is so mighty... not just for the people here but for the pastor and his family. Please lift up Sabrina and Kirsten. Satan would love to take these two precious girls away and to destroy this family that serves God. one of the talks we have had is that the pastor is worried about the destructive influences that his kids are being exposed to since his arrival. One of which is Youtube, rock music, and the lifestyle of those he's trying to lead to Christ. Please pray a hedge of protection around them.
It's been hard for me too. I don't want to say I'm on the front lines.. but I'm exposed to alot more of Satan's attacks then when I was back home.
Satan would love to see what we could do diminished. But pray we are bold and reach others!
It's time to carry the fight to him and if it means that we are attacked more then so be it.. but the ones on the front need the support from those behind us. Not just us.. but all those who are serving in Satan's grounds.
Support them lest they fall.
God bless.

Follow me~Christs second command

2009-04-19T13:37:00.000-07:00

Matthew 4:19 and He said unto them, Follow me and I will make you fishers of Men.
The second command is to follow Christ, however if you remember it is only 2 verses after the call to repent. You can't follow Jesus when You are seeking your own way.
Isaiah 57:18-19 18I have seen his ways, and will heal him: I will lead him also, and restore comforts unto him and to his mourners. 19I create the fruit of the lips; Peace, peace to him that is far off, and to him that is near, saith the LORD; and I will heal him.
God gives peace to those who follow him. When we follow God with all of our heart we have what we desire most in our souls, therefore we have peace.
Psalms 56:3, 113What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. 11In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.
Once again I have perfect peace in God because I am looking only to Him! God is good when you seek Him with your whole heart.
Psalms 58:1 1Do ye indeed speak righteousness, O congregation? do ye judge uprightly, O ye sons of men?
As Christians how do we act? What do we speak? What do we do? Are we more of the world or are we of God?
Matthew 7:20-23 20Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. 21Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. 22Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? 23And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
This is so clear! Let us follow Him so not only will others know what we are but so that there is no doubt that we will be one of those who say we did help you? God indeed is calling us to serve Him with a whole heart.
Matthew 8:10-13, 17 10When Jesus heard it, he marvelled, and said to them that followed, Verily I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel. 11And I say unto you, That many shall come from the east and west, and shall sit down with Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, in the kingdom of heaven. 12But the children of the kingdom shall be cast out into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. 13And Jesus said unto the centurion, Go thy way; and as thou hast believed, so be it done unto thee. And his servant was healed in the selfsame hour. 17That it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Esaias the prophet, saying, Himself took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses.
Our faith is indeed in how we follow Him. Will we be little of faith or much in faith? Let us move mountains!
Matthew 28 is about how Jesus arose. Just as the lack of Jesus' body was in the tomb, so as we follow Jesus through all that is going to come, the lack of worldly passions and desires will show that we are living anew!

Isaiah 59:16-17And he saw that there was no man, and wondered that there was no intercessor: therefore his arm brought salvation unto him; and his righteousness, it sustained him. 17For he put on righteousness as a breastplate, and an helmet of salvation upon his head; and he put on the garments of vengeance for clothing, and was clad with zeal as a cloak.
This passage is so convicting. God looks and sees this huge gap in between sinful man and Himself and how really sinful we are. He asks, who is interceding? My question was.. am I interceding? Am I the man in the gap who is bold to pray for the lost? Or am I even like Jonah where I give up and wait for the bonfire to begin?
Psalms 61:2 2From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
As I follow Him.. He will renew me! He is indeed merciful and when my heart is overfilled and stressed out God is there. It's always best to look beyond myself.
Psalms 63:1, 8 1O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is; 8My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.
It's so important to seek God! Do I really desire Him that much? Is He the first thing I seek?
Matthew 10:8, 14-15, 17-19, 32,8Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give.14And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet. 15Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.17But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues; 18And ye shall be brought before governors and kings for my sake, for a testimony against them and the Gentiles. 19But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.32Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.
I think this is an indicator of what we should be doing and what should happen to us. Are we living a Spirit fillled life? or are we doing our own thing? God only uses those who are available to be used.
Matthew 11: 28-30 28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
often my excuse is I am afraid how hard it will be yet it's much easier than my own way. let us seek rest in His arms!
Proverbs 14:12 12There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
What is the downside of following? Death, it's true, death of friendships, death of ourselves little by little. Let us take God's way for in Psalms 66, it's clear that it may look like death but He will lead us! God is so good, for He has shepherded my soul through my trials and although I haven't always seen Him, He is always there. But lf I do put anything in my heart and keep anything from my God, He won't hear me.
Psalms 66:10-12, 18 10For thou, O God, hast proved us: thou hast tried us, as silver is tried. 11Thou broughtest us into the net; thou laidst affliction upon our loins. 12Thou hast caused men to ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water: but thou broughtest us out into a wealthy place.18If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:

Psalms 69:7-13 7Because for thy sake I have borne reproach; shame hath covered my face. 8I am become a stranger unto my brethren, and an alien unto my mother's children. 9For the zeal of thine house hath eaten me up; and the reproaches of them that reproached thee are fallen upon me. 10When I wept, and chastened my soul with fasting, that was to my reproach. 11I made sackcloth also my garment; and I became a proverb to them. 12They that sit in the gate speak against me; and I was the song of the drunkards. 13But as for me, my prayer is unto thee, O LORD, in an acceptable time: O God, in the multitude of thy mercy hear me, in the truth of thy salvation.
Part of following means that many who I'd like to praise me will persecute me or reject me. yet will I look to Jesus
Psalms 70:4 4Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee: and let such as love thy salvation say continually, Let God be magnified.
Not only do I look to God when I'm troubled but do I praise Him? When I'm in trouble I'll call upon Him like Peter did.. but do I keep my eyes on Him when I'm not in trouble?May I walk with Jesus all the time and not just when I'm drowning in fear.
Matthew 14:28-30 28And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. 29And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
Psalms 71:1-5 1In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion. 2Deliver me in thy righteousness, and cause me to escape: incline thine ear unto me, and save me. 3Be thou my strong habitation, whereunto I may continually resort: thou hast given commandment to save me; for thou art my rock and my fortress. 4Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man. 5For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art my trust from my youth.
I see my sin and my humanness more and more each day. If I dwell on myself I will go nowhere, I have to flee to God for he is my refuge and strength. In Him shall I trust let me not be shaken
Isaiah 61:1 1The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;
I think this is the duty of each Christian, to totally seek God and as we follow Him we will be bold to witness, to help and to hold those who weep, to free those trapped in sin and let His word be known.
Matthew 16:24-26 24Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 25For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. 26For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?
Am I willing to lose everything? If I was facing death I would be bold, I have nothing to fear, but what about losing something less dramatic, what about my scholarship, my friends, my reputation? Am I willing to give that up? I don't want to, I'm a people person, yet do I love God more than I love my friends? Is my love of others an extension of His love for me?
So many questions... just two answers.
Matthew 20:23, 25-28 23And he saith unto them, Ye shall drink indeed of my cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with: but to sit on my right hand, and on my left, is not mine to give, but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared of my Father. 25But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. 26But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister; 27And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: 28Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
Am I willing to follow Him? I'm in a stronghold of Satan right now and even though it's not affecting me physically it's a temptation to run back home where it's safe and secure from such spiritual attacks. I am called to serve! Wherever God calls me I am called to do the little things, I'd love to do big things but right now I'm pretty content not to have that much responsibility. Please pray for the Torres... it's not easy here.
Psalms 84:10 10For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand. I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness.
I see this so much! While the flesh is alluring it's so much more satisfactory to be in the Presence of God! May you all be in his presence!
Psalms 86:11 11Teach me thy way, O LORD; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name.
Oh let me seek God, I am here willing to serve yet feeling the draw of the world. Form my heart into one purpose. to serve you with nothing held back.
Matthew 23:4For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.
God is not this way, I saw it today at church.. you had to pay 9 bucks to go in! and get a candle or something.It's so awesome that the very God who made us we don't have to pay anything, observe any special rules.. to worship Him, all we need is a pure love of Him. May I never grow cold.
Isaiah 64:88But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand

Spain day 3

2009-04-19T13:31:00.000-07:00

Today was awesome. I went to church and the people were so friendly.. haha more kissing of course.. I didn't know there were so many types of lipsticks... haha. Church is so social here, and then we went and hung out with some friends and they talked about alot of stuff in Spanish. One of the couples were fluent.. in English because the hubby was a agent for basketball and soccer players. The meal was at this really nice authentic Italian restaurant... it cost 161 euros! :P
I was given a really good chance to be a example when I was offered some light wine. I explained that I had made a vow that I would not drink. We walked on the beach and I wish I had brought my camera... but it was really nice and I was really quiet and spent time in prayer.. So much is going on.. My Aunt asked me to help her with school for Kirsten with reading and grammer.. I'm wanting to help where ever I can. I'll be doing some cleanup.. hehe. God is moving.. and for some reason He's using me.. and I don't know why. I spent 30 minutes sharing about the commands of Christ with Miguel, the pastor I am staying with. God is indeed amazing.
Please lift up the Spaniards... they need Jesus.
And a quote from Tio Miguel

"Kissing as a greeting isn't too bad when it's a young pretty girl. but when she's old, and fat, stinky and missing teeth, you ask yourself... can I wake up?"

Spain day 2

2009-04-18T11:14:00.000-07:00

Today was the relaxed day because it was Saturday.. so I slept in to the local time of 7:20 did my Bible time then went on a little run. I started running uphill and kept running for 12 and a half minutes. I noticed on the way up.. that the Torres (family I'm with) are living on the side of a mountain! my poor legs... Every Saturday the Torres go down to Barcelona and go walking in the street, go shopping and just walking. It was amazing they have this one street where you have people come out and are acting and they get money, all kinds of shops.. hehe yes I did I bought some stuff and a knife. :D It was amazing we walked down to the harbor, went to McDonalds.. it was 5 stories tall! And they even charged for Mayo. The Euro may be sounder... but you have less buying power. A big mac costs 9 american dollars... not cool. Then we walked more and had wicked strong coffee and saw amazing stuff.. everyone walks and the streets are packed with people. Then we went into an open air market and it was amazing.. have to check the pics onfb... People are very social here but not too friendly.
The main thing I saw.. is the loss, they don't know God, they want fulfillment in life and they do anything, nudity is accepted.. sex is open, a couple started in front of me at McDonalds while in line. So many people, and all so lost. Tonight many of them are going to go out and get drunk.. and party and live immorally, all because they want to feel something, they don't have anything to live for. Please pray..

Spain day 1

2009-04-17T16:05:00.000-07:00

Today started on the 16.. since I've pretty much been up since then. God has opened up some doors. I got to witness in the airport but I really saw 2 Corinthians 4:4 so much. Americans have all they want and they don't need God.
I'm pretty much shocked by all the filth and what is accepted in the world. well I shouldn't be but especially in Spain I've sensed the stronghold Satan has here and I've been bombarded and the only relief I got was when I rebuked Satan and gave my thoughts to God. THe church my Uncle Mike is pastoring is growing so fast that they need new places, however the cost of living is expesive. to bu a apartment with 1000 sq feet you need about 1 million euros. So it would be a God thing but there church is divided. the old group puts thier trust in money and doesn't want to let what they have go. The newer folks want to do what God calls them to do.
So far I am staying with the Torres.. the wife Rachel is my Aunt's SIL. So they are kinda related. They have a lovely home. pix up on fb soon. and they have two daughters Kirsten, age 12 and Sabrina, 8.It's been awesome! Please pray for those areas. God bless

Repent, 1st command of Christ

2009-04-13T04:49:00.000-07:00

Matthew 28:18-19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: 20Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen

I am called to teach others to obey the commands of Christ. 2 weeks ago I couldn't have told you what they were. I am going to go through them this year and I cordially invite you to participate in my adventure. If you do know me you realize that my life is an adventure. :D
Thanks for the prayers too.
Matthew 4:17
From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.

Well if I am going to follow God I need to repent of the things that turn me aside from Him. When I went on a Journey I was so sure that my music was ok. It was Christian music! I loved listening to it. True it had a rock beat but I still don't agree with Dr. Gothard's teachings on why rock music is bad. But I felt God telling me that I needed to get rid of some of it. I came back and I listened to my music and I was soo shocked that so much of my "Christian" music didn't even mention God. THese singers could have been talking about their bfs, or even lovers. It was something I have to give up.

Revelations 3:19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent.
Because God loves me, when I sin, He will bring me back to Him by chastising me, but I have to repent! It's why I struggled with certian areas, I wouldn't be obeying God and letting go of my bitterness or etc. Then I live a life of freedom.

Acts 3:8 Repent ye therefore and be converted that your sins may be blotted out when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord

Proverbs 1:23 Turn you at my reproof: behold I will pour my spirit out to you, I will make known my words unto you.

There are rewards for repenting. Our sins that we hold on to will be taken away and blotted out! We will be refreshed and renewed in the Lord!! He will pour his Spirit upon us! And His word will take on new meaning! God is an awesome and Holy God but we can only draw near when we have a clean heart. Seek out the areas in your life that you may be holding on to and with humbleness.. give them away.

Isaiah 55: 6Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: 7Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon
Why do we not see God? Why is he far away? It's because we have either run from Him or started to drift away. We as a church have put not God first but the law of Grace, we live immoral, worldly lives and we dare to say that we are headed for Heaven and are the children of God. We are wicked and we say we are good because we said a prayer once. Oh, may we repent and see that we are not even close to God's ways or his thoughts. God's word doesn't return void, let us cast aside what slows us down and run like we have nothing else to live for. Let His word prosper in our lives as we repent and follow Him.

Psalms 51:6,17 6Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. 17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Part of repenting is the humility, we have to be broken. In the OT, they would offer up incense to God as part of the sacrifice. Incense was formed by grinding up some herb. It is mentioned in the NT that the prayers of the saints are as incense to God. When we commune out of a broken and contrite heart to our Father it is pleasing to Him.
Proverbs 11:2 2When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom.
Something I have been noticing in my own life is the tendancy to have an Holier than thou attitude. Yet Pride is what I have to fight against.
Isaiah 55:11 11Yea, they are greedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that cannot understand: they all look to their own way, every one for his gain, from his quarter.
I see this so much in the church, we have Men, shepherds and they love mammon more than God, it makes those who do serve God and love us and see us as their Holy charge much more precious, let us not waste what we have and keep them in prayer.
Matthew 6: 22The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. 23But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness! 24No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. 25Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? 26Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
When others look at me, do they see me? Do they see the world? What do they see? I hope they see Jesus. I am headed to college soon. The tendency of this world is to worry about tomorrow, next year, my retirement. God says the birds don't prepare yet God feeds them, now that doesn't mean God heaps up piles of worms for the robins. He put worms in the ground and he gave the robin the sense to know where the worms are. We need to work, yet thank God for what He is providing, and not worry about the future, let us bless others and seek Him Fully.
Lets go worm hunting.

Testimony

2009-04-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

I say this not to glorify myself or to please man but because I feel that God is calling me to live an open life and in the hopes that this may prevent some struggles or help some young men.
I got saved at a very early age. God gave me a desire for Him and I remember spending hours in the word. Then I was physically abused as a kid and had to deal with a father, who although he loved me, struggled with anger issues and would sometimes explode on me. I withdrew and determined to trust no one. Combined with my bitterness I have episodes of Narcolepsy that when I am really stressed I will sleep so deeply that I can’t be woken up and I will lose bladder control and sometimes even quit breathing. Because I would not give up my bitterness I would wet the bed.
I also believed several of Satan’s lies, that I was a failure, that nobody loved me, that my dad hated me, that God hated me, and even that I hated me. I believed I was worthless and that I wasn’t worth living. I couldn’t trust anybody. All of this was on my inside, if you asked the people who knew me at that time they would have told you that I was a mischievous, funny kid but that I was never serious. I had so much wrong with me while living the “Christian” life. It kept getting worse though inside. I never wanted to be hurt so I would try to please everyone. It was so miserable that several times I would “run away” and I struggled so much with suicidal thoughts that I thought I was going crazy. I would habitually lie to avoid punishment.
At age 15 I got caught up with lust and the physical aspects. I was very ignorant but I got addicted and could not stop. I was exposed to porn and was caught up in it and would leave it but keep returning to it like the young man void of understanding in Proverbs 7. It was about this time that I started listening to rock music without my parents knowing it.
My parents caught me a couple times on the lust problems and I would lie to them and tell them whatever I could to get them to not be angry with me. I believed another lie of Satan that if they knew what I was really doing that they would never forgive me. I was so wrong. I thought that if my Dad who got angry over little things knew how much I struggled and the depth of my sin that he would kill me or hurt me really bad. I hated myself so much because I would try everything to get free and I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to free myself from my sin because I was keeping secrets.
Satan had me right where he wanted me. Defeated, wanting an end. I went through ALERT Basic training and God broke me and I saw how selfish I was. However, I was kicked out of Basic and I went right back home to my problems. I got deeply into my sins and the depression, suicidal thoughts, and the defeated lifestyle came back. I was so desperate once that I loaded my gun and walked out onto the back pasture to end it all. My dad heard me leave though and being the vigilant guy he is walked out to see what I was doing. I said I thought I had heard something and he thought I was being silly. I also started listening to a rock station on the radio almost all the time.
I went back through Basic and because I was so busy I lived a victorious life. I thought I had it under control. Truly the Idle hands are the devils tools. I did pretty decent in Basic and I came back for ERT. While I was there, some guys who had issues liked to tease and one young man and I were the brunt of the jokes and teasing. I started again on the depression and not surprisingly my nighttime accidents and Narcolepsy returned. The teasing continued and it was just like my dad had been hurting me again. I decided to fight back while also trying to commit suicide again. I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone and I had nothing to lose. I decided to fight back and I trained myself to be a weapon. I pushed my body to it’s limits and then some. I learned ways to kill people with whatever I could find. My anger became a tool to hurt others if it came to it again. Part of pushing myself to limits was that I would see how much pain I could stand. I would cut myself and see how long I could do it, I punched anthracite until my knuckles would bleed and I had to pick the pieces of coal out of my raw knuckles. Once I had to sew up a wound with regular needle and thread. I was doing all this in my own strength, I became the best at whatever I wanted yet still I was a victim to my own lusts. I would run 5 miles a day on my bad knees yet I would not be able to control my own desires.
Out of desperation I tried to get some accountability partners. Yet because I would not tell my dad my secret sins and my struggles, I would fail time and time again. God really humbled me through some incidents. When I thought no one cared, some godly young men came forward and woke me up every night for 15 weeks so I wouldn’t have an accident. They banded together to protect me and the other fellow who was the brunt of all the jokes. They were indeed a friend to the friendless. Some Godly officers took time to see what was happening and spoke out about what was happening. Several families “adopted” me so I could be a part of them.
When I saw the love of others to me, who I saw no good thing in, it broke me, I sought God again. I confessed my sins to God and purposed to live a life anew. My quiet times took on new meanings and I had one every day and I would pray for hours a day. I stayed on at ALERT and served in their ministry yet I still was entrapped in my struggle for lust. I couldn’t get free because I wouldn’t tell my dad and humble myself. I had a proud heart. I still thought I could defeat my problems. I did conquer most of them. I quit my secular music and started listening only to light CCM or vocal music. And even then not for weeks or months at a time would I listen to any music. I buffeted my body, ate one meal a day or less, started a fast a week, committed large passages of scripture to mind and started to disciple people. For a time my struggle with lust took a back burner as I sought God
In a garden you can pull out all the weeds, all the tops but unless you get the roots, the weeds will be back, and worse than b4. Gradually things started going wrong again. I wanted to be freed and I tried to get anyone to be my accountability partner and help me. I even had a girl as one. That was fine until her dad found out. It would have been much easier if I had just forgiven my dad and started trusting him. I started some online relationships with girls that were bad and God gave me the grace to stop it, also at that time God completely broke me of porn. I no longer saw those girls as objects, but that they could have been my sister, my cousin, they were someone’s daughter and that when I looked at them I was the very person I despised!
I repented of my actions and got closer with my parents yet I didn’t tell them everything. I would continue to spend time in God’s word and try to do good works, but they were me trying. God rarely flowed through me. I went on the Journey after I left ALERT. I had 2 goals, to conquer lust and to get closer to God. The very first day some of the previous Journey guys got up and shared about how that sin’s Strength is in it’s secrecy. I didn’t want to tell my dad everything. I didn’t want anyone to know what I was doing. Yet I determined to call him and be honest. I told him how recent my struggles were, and expressed a willingness to tell him anything. I left behind what I was doing wrong and only after I determined to do what was right did God give me the insights. Proverbs 1:23 says Turn ye at my reproof; behold, I will pour my spirit upon you, I will make my words known unto you. It wasn’t until I repented that God really began to move.
Despite God moving in several of our lives we still weren’t reaching the power of one accord. I prayed and something came to mind. I wasn’t sure I should say anything so I committed it to prayer. I later mentioned it to another guy and he too said that God had given him the same thing. I would run almost every morning and that Wednesday morning I had run 4.3 miles in 30 minutes. I was really pumped and I wanted to go again the next morning. Jordan asked me not to because we were going to be fasting the next day, so we decided to pray instead. We prayed for the guys and for God to move and there were times we couldn’t but cry and worship, we prayed for an hour but it felt like 20 minutes.
When the temptation arose, God gave me the grace to flee and I haven’t stopped running. You can’t fight lust, you have to run. God completely will free you from your struggles if you confess your sin and turn from it. I have had to take away the things that influence me towards the world. Honestly on my Journey I thought my music was ok, the movies I watched were ok. I was soo wrong. I heard the guys talking about how God freed them and the destructiveness that had been worked in their own lives. God really spoke to me through other guys and their willingness to confess. I told my dad everything. I saw that parts of my heart were uncircumcised, I had a critical spirit towards some people, and that I had a proud heart. With confession comes freedom. It is so important to be open, and contrite. The Lord loves a humble heart.
I came back and I looked at my music and at my movies with an objective outlook. So much of what I thought was ok and Christian was not God pleasing. Without even touching the rock music subject, it was impossible on many of my songs to tell who they were talking about.. was it God? Or was it their boyfriend? I even had the boldness to witness to strangers. God has been using me as a channel, but only when I look to Him and have removed everything that I put above Him. Also the power of vows; I made a vow to remain pure until marriage and to never look at porn in any form. It has been amazing to be so free! A lot of this testimony is about all that happened before God worked and the problems, yet not very much is about what happened. It’s because it’s not complicated to get right. It takes a little step and a determination to do what is right ALL the time. All it requires is openness and humility.
I am looking forward to see what God will do in my life and in the lives of others around me as I seek Him first. I know it won’t be easy, but then again, the easy things are not the best things. May God bless each of your lives as you seek first the Kingdom of God.

Part 20 A week with homeschoolers

2009-03-14T20:06:00.001-07:00

Part 20 Almost morning light escape
Most of them tossed and turned. Many of the couples got together and the men hugged and the women sobbed. It was hard indeed to see the happy group suddenly being so transformed. Probably the major feeling was shock. These situations only happened in horror flicks, zombie movies. These weren’t Zombies… they were people, but they were sleeping now. They needed sleep too, they needed to eat from what they saw. They did eat a lot too. Go figure, most of them were guys. It was going to be interesting to say the least. Chris was staying up all night until he found a solution. It really puzzled him but at last at 4 in the morning he found an answer. See all along he had been trying to brute force it, but he had forgotten a cardinal rule, if you can’t go through go around. How do you go around a mirror? You can’t, but you can angle it. Bounce it off… Chris knew the location of every cell tower in the US and Canada. He figured if he could get to a tower he could angle it and point at the mirror at a 45 degree angle, then you can rebound it off the earth and have enough of a signal to correspond with a satellite, then a simple 911 works. But they didn’t need to do much really, just hop in one of the vehicles and get on out of the town.
With sunshine came reprieve. The beasts hated the bright light from above. They weren’t really beasts I guess. They were humans at one point I guess. Sara had been puzzling her head all into a bother about it. She just couldn’t figure it out. They were humans, she even recognized some of them she had seen before by their clothes. Or by what was left of their clothes. They were hunched over in the shadow of the trees snoring. Of course they would snore. Most of them were men, or had been men. Some girls would claim that the beasts were just normal men anyways, just more guttural and violent than normal. Then it happened. The guys went and checked the vehicles.. and none of them worked. Every single spark plug in every vehicle was gone. Could the beasts be that clever? Is it possible that they retained some mental capacity? But they were utter primeval. They couldn’t have opened the locked cars and sprung the hoods taken out the spark plugs, and then closed and locked everything back up. Someone out of the group had to have done this as a practical joke. It sure wasn’t funny anymore. Who did this?
Shock registered on the guys faces. Chad spoke up, “Dude, what idiot stole the spark plugs!?! If you don’t give them back, you are so dead.” Ben snickered sarcastically, “Dude, if we don’t find the spark plugs we are all dead.”
Elisabeth and Kim noticed all the expressions. Chad was frustrated, Chris was puzzled, no duh, it didn’t make logical excuse. Matt and Jay were puzzled, and Michael was angry. Ben had this look, of utter darkness that if you looked really deeply into, you would swear you saw hell inside. Hell is being alone with only your memories to keep you company, and they aren’t the pleasant ones, they are your mistakes the things you wish you could take back. And you are forever alone.
Michael spoke up. “What if it was one of the others? We’d never find it then.”
Chris spoke up logically.”We don’t even know if it was one of us. We aren’t going to get it fixed by arguing over it. Anybody got any extra sparkplugs?”
Elisabeth ducked her head and frantically dug in her purse. She promptly pulled out 6 spark plugs. “Will these work?”

A Week with Homeschoolers Part 19

2009-03-09T18:24:00.000-07:00

Part 19 Secrets revealed

Ben shouldered a jacket on and his eyes smoldered. Then he walked into the other room and grabbed a rifle. He walked up the stairs and disappeared. The group of people milled around discussing escape options. Chad suggested that they wait until morning and just drive out. See, these homeschoolers, for all their smarts, they continued to make mistakes involving common sense. Like putting hot cocoa mix in the cup b4 the hot water. Gee, or milk b4 the cereal. The car should have been a first idea. Oh well, just because you have an IQ of 140+ doesn’t mean that you have the common sense to tie your own shoes. There was this one guy in my basic.. well that is another story for another day. Then they proceeded to do a very homeschool thing, hug and cry, over a game of spoons. Carol and Scarlett sat and hugged each other, and then they went upstairs. In Carol’s room , Scarlett and Carol prayed and went through some of Klaus’ things. After about an hour they heard a crack.

“Did you hear that? I think that I have heard that 4 times this last hour.” Carol cocked her head. “lets check it out”

They went into the hallway and they heard the crack again from the adjoining room. “Do you think it is the beasts breaking in?” Scarlett gripped her 38 snub nose and cocked the hammer back while easing the door slightly open. She squinted and pointed the pistol at a dark figure by the window.

“If you are going to shoot me with that, pull it back one more time. It’s on safe now” Scarlett blushed in embarrassment.

How could she do that? She walked in with Carol and the two of them sat on the bed as Ben relaxed and sat up, putting the rifle on the side. Ben got up and sat down on the bed and hugged Carol as she broke into tears again. When she stopped crying Ben started talking.

“I had a girl I talked with a long time ago. I fell in love with her. 5'6, funny, stylish, yet kinda shy but would open up when she knew you, loved God, comical, loved babies, loved to cook, read, make things, had a real sympathy for people and wanted to make them feel better. Affectionate and caring, yet would tease a bit, loved everyone and yet strong, emotional (in a good way)...She was everything I ever wanted but I rushed it. I wanted more. I ended up hurting her deeply. I waited a year, then I tried again. Her dad told me that b4 I could talk to his daughter again I had to work on so much. I sent letters for 6 months to the dad before he gave me permission to talk to Ava again. I began to court her when he gave me permission. It was awesome and we really grew in God. We got engaged and had a whirlwind courtship. We got married 2 years ago and she got pregnant with a baby boy. It was awesome. I was so happy. 2 months into our marriage we were walking in the park and a drive by shooting happened. I covered Ava with my body but I was too late. My wife died in my arms and I couldn’t do anything! She didn’t say anything to me, just died. I couldn’t get over it for several months. Today is the 2nd year anniversary. I miss her so much. I just want her back to hold her and tell her I love her.”

Scarlett and Carol were shocked. Why had they never been told? Why did they not know? Tears flowed down Ben’s face as he continued. “I have failed, I couldn’t keep anyone safe, Klaus, Charlyn, a lot of people are dead, and I think we all going to die. I am trying so hard, but I am failing so miserably. What do I do? What can I do? I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to be strong but I feel so inadequate. I know I need to be a man, but I want to be held and this to end.”

Scarlett just hugged Ben and they had a group hug. You can’t say much when stuff like that happens. They all went downstairs again and rejoined the group. A couple of the group, Kim, Chad, and Michael were keeping an eye on but the beasts had retreated. Ben divided the group into shifts despite Matt’s angry disturbances. The ones not on shift went to an uneasy sleep. I know Homeschoolers going to bed b4 the sun goes up is weird. Oh well, this wasn’t a normal reunion.

Part 18 A week with Homeschoolers

2009-03-01T17:35:00.000-08:00

Part 18 Besieged
The figure behind the beast crossed his arms, muscles rippling and knives dripping blood as the beast head rolled away. Frank looked up, “Cool! Where did you learn that move?”
Ben snarled, “The Chronicles of Riddick, Escape from Butcher Bay”
Frank looked puzzled as he tried to revive Carol. Ben walked over wiping some of the blood off of his knives and sheathed them. He bent over and started slapping Carol’s hands. “Come on, we have to head back now. We can return and bury them in the morning, when we have tools.”
They heard a shot, startled they looked up towards the direction of the hotel. It was time to move. Carol didn’t wake up, so Ben picked her up and through her over his shoulder. Frank picked up the extra shotgun and they headed back.

Michael spoke up. “I see something!!!” He racked his rifle and sighted down. His finger tightened and his 30-30 rocked and he levered in another round. “I missed.” He sighed
Then they heard the howls and hoots again. Bekah and the other girls started crying, yes even Kim started crying. Bekah was shaking and went into hysterics. Sara hugged Bekah and sobbed uncontrollably. Scarlett ran over to Matt and just wanted to be held. The other girls who could followed suit. Sara and Kim hugged each other and cried yet more as the howls and hoots got louder and more frequent. Chris muttered as he tried everything possible to try and get his Cell card to work, or Klaus’ Sat Phone, neither of which worked. It was so wrong. Even the wireless and phone lines for the hotels were down. The power lines and phone and internet could be down, maybe even the Cell towers had malfunctioned. All of them at the same time were suspicious but the Sat phone was downright disturbing. There had to be a short circuit somewhere! Or worse, someone had somehow drawn a communication umbrella over the whole area cutting off everything. It was possible to do it, theoretically. He had only heard on some of his backwater chats that it was suspected that the government could do it with a laser in the atmosphere, turning it into a radio mirror. But why would they block this podunk town. He checked anyways. There was deff something blocking his connection. He poked at it a bit. Yup, someone had placed this umbrella over it all. Now what? He would figure it out!! Finally a challenge worth his mastery of Cyberspace! Chris reached for his bag of illegal hack tricks.
Chad fired twice. The others fired too. “They are closing in!” Elisabeth grabbed a shotgun and ran to a window where she fired off her entire magazine missing everything except the antique sign, which she riddled. The dark figures ran about as the others inside the hotel started wasting ammo with little success.
“Stop!!” Scarlett screamed and knocked away Matt’s gun. “Carol, Frank and Ben are out there. We might hit them.”
“Serve Ben right if he did end up dead.” Matt put down the rifle. “Well can’t be sure I hit anything anyways, what are those things?”
Everyone stopped firing and just watched. The beasts stayed out of the light horizon. They did wonder how the others would get back, if any of the other party would get back, if any one would survive.

The sounds of gunfire echoed off the surrounding mountains as Ben carried Carol back. Well, he didn’t carry her like you see in the movies, but he carried her like a sack of grain, way easier. They hurried back as quick as they could. It was a good thing that Carol was as light as she was or Ben would have never been able to make it back. He really wasn’t Superman if you hadn’t figured it out by now. The firing stopped. Ben panicked and looked at Frank.
“Do you think they are? We need to get back now.”
The two of them started running, panting heavily as they covered the ground. Frank held up his hand and Ben lowered Carol gently to the ground. He checked her pulse and breathing then the actions and clips on his weapons. Frank did the same. Ben did a very ungentlemanly thing and proceeded to sling Carol over his muscular back then fashioned a sling around her feet and chest so she was like a giant bandolier. Ben hollered that he was back and they started to run towards the hotel. As soon as Ben yelled the beasts that were running around the hotel stopped. They saw Ben and Frank running hell bent for leather. Then the beasts moved in screaming and running. Frank, while running, started to use his shotgun like it was an extension of his arm. Ben pulled his twin 45s and started firing. One shot one kill. Frank dropped his shotgun and unslung the one Ben had given him and blasted a nearby thing. It was an aggressive thing, not the thing that Elisabeth shot. That poor sign.
Inside they all heard a “Hello the Hotel!” Kim grabbed a rifle and ran to the back window. Every one readied their weapons and were at their posts and Scarlett ran to the door. Kim leveled her rifle and squeezed off a round. Scarlett swung open the door as Ben and Frank ran in. Ben accidentally swung Carols head into the door frame… waking her up rudely.
The guys fired a few more rounds off as the others gathered around Ben, Carol, and Frank. The others took in the sight of the three. Carol shook herself awake while rubbing her head. “Ouch…” then she burst into tears. Scarlett just hugged her as everyone realized that the other party was all dead.
Matt clenched his fists in anger as he saw the blood all spattered over his sister, then the slight matter of gore besmirching Frank, then all the blood covering Ben. He was a bloody man indeed. Ben would be the death of them all.
Ben dropped his clips and reloaded, chambering a round in each. Then he spoke up, “There are tons of those things out there, I think we are besieged.”

A Week with Homeschoolers Part 16&17

2009-02-21T15:35:00.000-08:00

These parts do include violence. Viewer discretion advised.

Part 16 Oops!
Peter turned the light around showing several figures lurking behind trees. Klaus aimed and fired sending one of them spinning as the beast/human let out a howl of pain, 3 figures bounded out from the trees, one with long wild flowing hair. The man beasts if you could call them men, t-posts in hand, were howling in rage as they charged. Peter flashed the light in the eyes of the bigger man beast as Mark jumped one to grapple it. Klaus fired at the blinded man-beast and sent it spinning backwards, the female-beast bore down on Abi and hit her hard, I guess the female beast was very jealous of superior beauty. Charlyn screamed as the beast ripped at Abi mauling her friend. Charlyn then acted in bravery and proceeded to beat the female beast with her purse. All it did was enrage the female so she jumped Charlyn. Klaus could do nothing because the man beast was rolling around on the ground with Mark. Mark was losing and the female beast was among the women folk, while Klaus was bewildered, he was grabbed from behind and his arms pinioned. Klaus dropped his gun and then swung a elbow into the beast groin facilitating a quick release. Klaus did his first ever tactical roll and grabbed the gun in the process. He came up on his knees and blew the beast in half. Gotta love a shotgun. Then Klaus buttstroked Marks adversary as Charlyn and Abi started fighting the female for real. Charlyn was very, very angry. The female beast had destroyed 5 lbs of Swiss chocolate. The female beast was going to die for that. Personally I was betting on C. 10 to 1 odds anyways. Klaus shot the beast as mark rolled away and racked his gun. The female beast hooted frantically as Abi’s fingers closed around it’s throat. Darkened figures jumped from the bushes.
Michael stopped the party as they were gathering lights, guns, and food, everything they needed. “I hear a shot! Everyone stopped and counted. One, two. Then two more. Barely could they hear animal screams and howls. Then some female screams echoed.
Bekah sobbed and held onto the other girls. Carol had a horrified look on her face as she reached out for her daughter Scarlett. Michael spoke up. “Chris, how many rounds did you have in your gun? I counted 5 so far.”
“That’s all I had in there.”
Ben jumped up and straped on dual shoulder 45 holsters and grabbed a shotgun. “Frank, I need you to show me the way. They must have taken the other fork. Chris, Kim, Scarlett, Elisabeth, you know firearms, stay and hold this hotel for us. If we aren’t back in 2 hours we are dead. Continue without us.
Matt spoke up, since when did God die and you became boss Ben? I say Freddy and I come along and you stay back. And from now on, I call the shots. Not you Ben, your bright idea got Jay killed and the others are probably dead too!! You are going to get us all killed if you continue. The two of you can’t make it alone!” Matt’s voice dwindled as he realized that Ben had completely ignored him and was handing out firearms to each of the party.
Frank grabbed a spotlight but Ben motioned it down. “Don’t you have any NVGs? Ok grab them, lets go now”
Carol grabbed Ben’s arm. “Please let me come, my husband is out there. Maybe he’s dead. Please, let me come along.”
Ben wiped his eyes, “give her a pair of NVGs and a shotgun. We use silencers.”
Carol let go and grabbed what Frank held out. They headed out but Matt ran up and grabbed Ben by his left arm. “You aren’t taking my sis, and I’m sick of you ordering us around! Now,” Ben swung a fist into Matt’s chin snapping the flapping jaw shut.
Ben stepped out and took point.
Scarlett helped Matt up as Matt rubbed his injured jaw. No one said a thing but as Chris monkeyed with a backup generator. Finally the lights turned on as the generator kicked on. They had a perimeter of light for mayb e 100 yds. Michael, Freddy, Chris and matt each took a corner to watch. The girls got together in on a couch and just hugged each other and cried. Chad swapped out with Chris so Chris could figure out some way to reach the outside world for help. Police, FBI, Firemen, somebody to help with this situation.
Was there any hope?

Part 17 Love and Revenge.
Ben and Frank slipped throught woods silently as they slipped towards the last sound that they had heard. Ben, ball cap backwards NVGs on saw a beast ahead. He put the gun down and reached for his hidden dagger between his shoulder blades. He slipped up behind the beast then grabbed the beast and inserted his knife in between the top two vertebrae and into the brain. But even then the beast continued to struggle then a liver stab then front to where the beast’s heart should have been, finally it slipped down to die. Carol leaned over and threw up. Frank wondered, but continued on.

In the small clearing Klaus twitched and breathed his last. Mark crawled over to Carrie and held her head in his Hands. “Carrie, I wanted to say,” but she barely lifted her hand up
“I have something to say, I had a baby, triplets. I had a dear friend, Sophie, her husband and her couldn’t have kids, so they needed a foster womb, I volunteered mine. It wasn’t one, ti was three. I was so afraid that if I told you, you wouldn’t want me. I should have told you long ago.”
Mark kissed his wife, “I knew, they told me, I love you anyways, I’ve loved you along, And I,” Mark coughed and died.
One tear rolled down Carrie’s face as she too closed her eyes.
Ben, Frank and Carol walked in the clearing, Ben dropped to his knees and cried like a baby as Carol ran to Klau and cradled his head. Ben got up and hugged Carol as they both sobbed. Ben took his 45 from his left shoulder holster and walked into the woods. He cocked the 45 and put the barrel in his mouth. Tears ran down his face as he realized how wrong he was. He had killed everyone. Everyone would die because of him. Frank put a hand on his arm.
“Son, don’t do this, it’s not your fault. You’ve kept the others alive. They are safe for now. I can’t pull them through this by myself. You are the only one that I can trust. We’ve maybe killed 20 of them, my friends, what’s left of my family. There should be 207 population. Now if they have all turned into these monsters, I don’t need anyone killing himself cause he’s having a pity party. Now be a man and finish the job.”
Ben ashamed lowered the hammer and put the gun away. “Now go help your mum, she’s mighty in need of comfort. Ben walked over and hugged Carol as they cried together. Frank pulled the bodies together and then the clothed over their faces. All around Ape figures closed in, they hesitated. They smelled fear in two, and pure anger in one, rage. They hesitated and started out to kill the lst ones when one, the long haired one broke into a Beautifu noise. Water came out of her eyes as she sang as she had never sung b4. The beasts sat down and enjoyed the free solo as the angry one turned around.
“Ben talked to Frank, “look at them, you stay and protect Carol, I’m going mad.” He put down his Pump shotgun and pulled out his knife from his shoulder blades and another one from the small of his back. He disappeared into the woods. Carol continued to sing as beast after beast were yanked bawkwards into the woods and cold heartedly dispatched by a mad man. Carol finished her song and collapsed. The last man beast jumped up in surprise. The Beautiful voice had stopped! Then Pain entered in form all different sides. Darkness covered his sight.

A Week with homeschoolers Part 15

2009-02-20T19:59:00.000-08:00

Part 15 Suspense
The rest of the guys, excluding Ben, gathered around Jed and took pictures or stared in shock, depending on their orientation. Ben took charge of the situation and sent half of the group back to the hotel to arm up and get stuff packed up for the move to the Water treatment plant. Klaus, Mark, Carrie, Charlyn, Abi, Mark, and Peter went in the party to go grab more supplies. The rest would catch up later as they carried Jay along and cared for him.
Klaus carried the gun that Chris had given him as he lead the party to the safe area After about 5 minutes the party came to the fork in the road. Then they had a problem, which one was the right road? Well the one on the right was the right but which one was the correct one? Klaus said the left, Carrie said the right… Klaus being the gentleman, concurred only after 3 minutes of argument in which he arraigned Carrie’s doctrinal beliefs on the trinity at least three times.. They headed right and they moved on. The road got smaller, then turned into a path. The path dwindled into a brushy woody tangle.
“One fork in a Podunk little town, and we get lost.” Klaus snickered. “We had better turn around and head back. Told you that the Trinity was a myth.”
Then some of the bushes rustled. It wasn’t the wind. Mark looked around and swallowed. Carrie hugged him nervously. He patted her head and hugged her back. Abi reached out and grabbed Peter’s hand and gently squeezed it. Love shines best when there is a threat.
Abi spoke up, “Which way is back?” A deafening howl of bloodthirstiness arose from the surrounding woods.
“Oh snap, crackle and pop” Klaus said as he racked the gun.

“One, Two, Three” “Lift!”
Ben held C-spine and called it out as they rolled Jay carefully onto his back. Jay gasped in pain slowly exhaling. Scarlett took Ben’s and Chris rolled up suitcoats and put them on either side of Jays head. Then she took Ben’s belt, and put it as a strap around Jays head to hold his head in place. That done, Ben, Chris, Matt, and Freddy, each got at a corner to lift the improvised stretcher.
“One, Two, Three , lift!” They grunted as they lifted up Jay and started back to the hotel. Halfway there Jay screamed and went limp.
“One, Two, Three, down!” Frank quickly took his pulse.
“He’s slipping!” Ben tore Jay’s shirt open and started chest compressions. Sara started mouth to mouth. Despite all their efforts Jay passed away. Ben pounded his fist on the ground. “S*#@! Not again!”
Ben and the others stood up as Sara broke into tears. Tears formed in each eye, even the hardened Kim wept some. The shock was overwhelming as some of them realized that more horrible things would come to pass unless they did something. And they didn’t know what to do. None of them really knew how bad it would get before the end. Them’s that die be the lucky ones.
Freddy drew part of the bunny outfit over Jays face closing his eyes. Ben took charge again and started them back for the Hotel. A seed of resentment formed in Matt’s heart over the way that Ben was assuming charge all the time. He muttered under his breath and continued to carry the stretcher. Finally they got back to the hotel and noticed the silence. Where were the others?

and more quiet times 71-80

2009-02-15T19:03:00.000-08:00

Hebrews 5 I see how much I need to learn. I want meat.. but I think I need more milk sometimes.. maybe I should get some adult teeth in soon.
God indeed is a present strength and shelter. When all around seems to give way.. He is my hope and stay. I hope that I will find all I need him him. May you find all you need in Him through our High priest.

What do you all think of this?

Hebrews 6:1Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God, 2Of the doctrine of baptisms, and of laying on of hands, and of resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment. 3And this will we do, if God permit. 4For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, 5And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, 6If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame. 7For the earth which drinketh in the rain that cometh oft upon it, and bringeth forth herbs meet for them by whom it is dressed, receiveth blessing from God: 8But that which beareth thorns and briers is rejected, and is nigh unto cursing; whose end is to be burned. 9But, beloved, we are persuaded better things of you, and things that accompany salvation, though we thus speak. 10For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love, which ye have shewed toward his name, in that ye have ministered to the saints, and do minister. 11And we desire that every one of you do shew the same diligence to the full assurance of hope unto the end: 12That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises. 13For when God made promise to Abraham, because he could swear by no greater, he sware by himself, 14Saying, Surely blessing I will bless thee, and multiplying I will multiply thee. 15And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise. 16For men verily swear by the greater: and an oath for confirmation is to them an end of all strife. 17Wherein God, willing more abundantly to shew unto the heirs of promise the immutability of his counsel, confirmed it by an oath: 18That by two immutable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us: 19Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil; 20Whither the forerunner is for us entered, even Jesus, made an high priest for ever after the order of Melchisedec.

I think that it is saying that we should never neglect the work of God. We need to stay strong and focused in God. If we have the hope of God shown unto us and are not bold to live it, we will be cast off. Not that we shall lose our salvation, but more that we will not be used. I think that that is one of the greatest tragedies, that ehne we get to heaven, there will be some who are saved, like Billy Graham who are going to have glorious crowns and honors for what they have done here on earth, but I think that there will be far more like me who will have enjoyed their life down here and were in the comfort zone and will not have crowns.. and for all of eternity we will weep that we wasted out lives down here. Now that i hold this view I need to go and do something unless I truly neglect what has been shown unto me.

May God bless you all today as you seek him. May we all forgive one another and search whole heartedly for him
Hebrews 7: 19For the law made nothing perfect, but the bringing in of a better hope did; by the which we draw nigh unto God. 20And inasmuch as not without an oath he was made priest: 21(For those priests were made without an oath; but this with an oath by him that said unto him, The Lord sware and will not repent, Thou art a priest for ever after the order of Melchisedec:) 22By so much was Jesus made a surety of a better testament. 23And they truly were many priests, because they were not suffered to continue by reason of death: 24But this man, because he continueth ever, hath an unchangeable priesthood. 25Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them. 26For such an high priest became us, who is holy, harmless, undefiled, separate from sinners, and made higher than the heavens; 27Who needeth not daily, as those high priests, to offer up sacrifice, first for his own sins, and then for the people's: for this he did once, when he offered up himself. 28For the law maketh men high priests which have infirmity; but the word of the oath, which was since the law, maketh the Son, who is consecrated for evermore.
I believe this is saying That although Jesus was not a priest by law, he was not of the tribe of Levi, he was our high priest by another law.. the selection of God. And He won't die and end the process. Yet hsi sacrifice was it, we are not bound to continually atone for ourselves. This is amazing! With one act.. God became flesh, God in man took upon Him the sin of the world and we may approach boldy b4 the throne of God.
Hebrews 8:1Now of the things which we have spoken this is the sum: We have such an high priest, who is set on the right hand of the throne of the Majesty in the heavens; 2A minister of the sanctuary, and of the true tabernacle, which the Lord pitched, and not man. 3For every high priest is ordained to offer gifts and sacrifices: wherefore it is of necessity that this man have somewhat also to offer. 4For if he were on earth, he should not be a priest, seeing that there are priests that offer gifts according to the law: 5Who serve unto the example and shadow of heavenly things, as Moses was admonished of God when he was about to make the tabernacle: for, See, saith he, that thou make all things according to the pattern shewed to thee in the mount. 6But now hath he obtained a more excellent ministry, by how much also he is the mediator of a better covenant, which was established upon better promises. 7For if that first covenant had been faultless, then should no place have been sought for the second. 8For finding fault with them, he saith, Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah: 9Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day when I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt; because they continued not in my covenant, and I regarded them not, saith the Lord. 10For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people: 11And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest. 12For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more. 13In that he saith, A new covenant, he hath made the first old. Now that which decayeth and waxeth old is ready to vanish away.

This is the sum of all that has been said b4. We have a new mediator, one that fulfills all the requirements, we are free to live for God without trying to atone for our sins. The old law was set so that we could never atone for them in and of ourselves. It's not like GOd was a big bad dude always hitting people in the old testament, nor was he only showing love to the Jews. He set a system that showed us that we could never atone for ourselves and made us long for the One who would redeem us. In matthew 1, you see that Salmon beget Boaz out of Rachab and Boaz beget Obed out fo Ruth. THat right there is proof that God in the old testament is the same GOd in the New testament. Or as people dvide Him up. God of the old Testament had stern laws yet he allowed a whore and a moabitess to have part of His lineage. He had compassion then, and he has Compassion now. A repentant heart He does not despise. May we all have a repentant heart though.
Proverbs 14: 12There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
Hebrews 9: 1Then verily the first covenant had also ordinances of divine service, and a worldly sanctuary. 2For there was a tabernacle made; the first, wherein was the candlestick, and the table, and the shewbread; which is called the sanctuary. 3And after the second veil, the tabernacle which is called the Holiest of all; 4Which had the golden censer, and the ark of the covenant overlaid round about with gold, wherein was the golden pot that had manna, and Aaron's rod that budded, and the tables of the covenant; 5And over it the cherubims of glory shadowing the mercyseat; of which we cannot now speak particularly. 6Now when these things were thus ordained, the priests went always into the first tabernacle, accomplishing the service of God. 7But into the second went the high priest alone once every year, not without blood, which he offered for himself, and for the errors of the people: 8The Holy Ghost this signifying, that the way into the holiest of all was not yet made manifest, while as the first tabernacle was yet standing: 9Which was a figure for the time then present, in which were offered both gifts and sacrifices, that could not make him that did the service perfect, as pertaining to the conscience; 10Which stood only in meats and drinks, and divers washings, and carnal ordinances, imposed on them until the time of reformation. 11But Christ being come an high priest of good things to come, by a greater and more perfect tabernacle, not made with hands, that is to say, not of this building; 12Neither by the blood of goats and calves, but by his own blood he entered in once into the holy place, having obtained eternal redemption for us. 13For if the blood of bulls and of goats, and the ashes of an heifer sprinkling the unclean, sanctifieth to the purifying of the flesh: 14How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God? 15And for this cause he is the mediator of the new testament, that by means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions that were under the first testament, they which are called might receive the promise of eternal inheritance. 16For where a testament is, there must also of necessity be the death of the testator. 17For a testament is of force after men are dead: otherwise it is of no strength at all while the testator liveth. 18Whereupon neither the first testament was dedicated without blood. 19For when Moses had spoken every precept to all the people according to the law, he took the blood of calves and of goats, with water, and scarlet wool, and hyssop, and sprinkled both the book, and all the people, 20Saying, This is the blood of the testament which God hath enjoined unto you. 21Moreover he sprinkled with blood both the tabernacle, and all the vessels of the ministry. 22And almost all things are by the law purged with blood; and without shedding of blood is no remission. 23It was therefore necessary that the patterns of things in the heavens should be purified with these; but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these. 24For Christ is not entered into the holy places made with hands, which are the figures of the true; but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us: 25Nor yet that he should offer himself often, as the high priest entereth into the holy place every year with blood of others; 26For then must he often have suffered since the foundation of the world: but now once in the end of the world hath he appeared to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself. 27And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment: 28So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many; and unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time without sin unto salvation.

I think that there are two big points in this passage that stands out to me. first the old covenant, all the thigns God set up, the alters, the candlesticks are truly awe inspiring. They were the best that Israel had to offer. and it was truly awesome. I can only imagine that sight. The Glory of God in a human dwelling. It's beyond words. Yet all that glory was not enough. I could not as an OT man be fully atoned once and forever. As glorious as they were, they were made by man.Then Came God in man and he fulfilled the needs of sinful man. The other part is that we have one life to live now, Let us live it all for Him and look for him diligently.
Have you ever felt dead? Spiritually? I know I have. Often I wonder if I am living a spirit lived life. I don't think so. If I am.. why do I struggle so much? I am living my own life.
Romans 12: 1I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. 2And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Have I done that? Am I a living sacrifice? Am I acceptable to God? I think this fits in closely with Eternal security. We don't need to do good things to keep our salvation, we are called to good things because we are not our own. We are vessels of the most powerful force ever. God that can be in us. The Holy Spirit. May we all live Spirit filled lives

ETERNAL SECURITY
Can we as born again believer lose our salvation? This is a question that I see many Christians disagreeing on. I also believe it is one of the most important points of the Christian faith.

If we don't believe that we have eternal security as Christians why are we Christians?
If we can lose our salvation, can we gain it back? Can we find it? Or have we lost it forever?
What are the sins whereby we can lose them? Is The bible clear on this?
If we can regain our salvation.. is it anything we can do? Do I have to work to maintain my salvation?
What about the verses where it says we can lose our salvation?

I'm not going to ridicule the people I know and their opinions, what I am going to do in this email is attempt to explain what I believe and why I believe it in the spirit of 1 Peter 3:15. However, i must be very careful what I say and preach for "Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven." It is very important for me to not preach falsely.

First off, why do we need to be saved, and from what do we need to be saved?
Romans 5:12 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:
We have all sinned by Adam. We were all of Adam when he sinned therefore we share in his sin.
Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God
Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
We all have sinned and deserve death. But there is a solution. Eternal life through Christ Jesus.
How do we get it? How do we attain This eternal life? In the words of the Roman Jailer, "what must I do to be saved?"
We all are doomed to death because of our sin. Sin requires death.
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son so that no one would perish, but have everlasting life through Jesus Christ his Son.
There is the solution. Someone paid the death for us.
So we just need to accept it eh? That's it.. Nope, I believe we, I, myself can do nothing to get or accept God's gift ecept God gave me the grace to believe.
Ephesians 2:8-9For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:Not of works, lest any man should boast.
God gave me the grace to believe, and I didn't do anything of myself to gain my salvation.
Romans 8:29-30For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
God has chosen those who will be saved and conformed. I see that I can do nothing to gain my salvation. It was God in his mercy who chose me from the dead and breathed His breath into me and ahs given me life and a future when I had no future.

Then if I did nothing to gain my salvation can I lose it? Can something mere man does revoke what God has done?
Jesus said in John 10:28:30 And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.I and my Father are one.
God has given me eternal life, there is nothing that can take me away from Him, that means nothing I can do either.
Romans 8:38-39 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Nothing!
But what if we do sin? And habitually? Is being saved forever an excuse for me to do whatever I want and still go to Heaven? Is saved once, always saved really a license for immorality?
In John, Jesus says my sheep follow me. If we are Christains, we follow God.
Romans 6-8 is pretty clear on this.
Romans 6:What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? 2God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein? 3Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? 4Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life. 5For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection: 6Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. 7For he that is dead is freed from sin. 8Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him: 9Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him. 10For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God.
Because I am freed from sin and I am given a love for God, I must hate sin and Love God. I don't have an reason to live ofr myself I have the liberty to live free of the burden of sin so I can can live all for God.
11Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. 12Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. 13Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. 14For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace. 15What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid. 16Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? 17But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. 18Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness. 19I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness. 20For when ye were the servants of sin, ye were free from righteousness. 21What fruit had ye then in those things whereof ye are now ashamed? for the end of those things is death. 22But now being made free from sin, and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and the end everlasting life. 23For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
We don't have a choice. This is so clear. What we do tells who we serve. If I sin I say i am a servant of sin. I can't do that for I am a servant of God, I am a slave to righteousness. I have no choice in the matter. The only thing I can do is live now as a servant of God. I can't change who I serve anymore than I can change the color of my eyes. Besides, why would I want to serve sin? The end of sin is death. I have life.

Romans 7:1Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? 2For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. 4Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God. 5For when we were in the flesh, the motions of sins, which were by the law, did work in our members to bring forth fruit unto death. 6But now we are delivered from the law, that being dead wherein we were held; that we should serve in newness of spirit, and not in the oldness of the letter.
We are bound to serve God. We are delivered from sin. I do not see anywhere that I of myself can do anything to revoke what GOd hath wrought.

7What shall we say then? Is the law sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet. 8But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, wrought in me all manner of concupiscence. For without the law sin was dead. 9For I was alive without the law once: but when the commandment came, sin revived, and I died. 10And the commandment, which was ordained to life, I found to be unto death. 11For sin, taking occasion by the commandment, deceived me, and by it slew me. 12Wherefore the law is holy, and the commandment holy, and just, and good. 13Was then that which is good made death unto me? God forbid. But sin, that it might appear sin, working death in me by that which is good; that sin by the commandment might become exceeding sinful. 14For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin. 15For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. 16If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. 17Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. 18For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. 19For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. 20Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. 21I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. 22For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: 23But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? 25I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

This right here is the answer to the question, Can a Christian sin and lose his salvation. Paul says It's not me, the spiritual me which sins but my old flesh, the sinful desires! As A Christian we aren't always freed from those desires when we become saved, it's the Christian challenge to purify ourselves and to live For Christ. In Our body there are two of us.. the old man who still desires to do the wrong things and the new man who is one with Christ, let us submit all of our body to the Holy Spirit and put away our old man.
Romans 8:1There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 2For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. 3For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: 4That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 5For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. 6For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. 7Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. 8So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. 9But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. 10And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you.
We have no condemnation so long as we strive to live for Christ.

12Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. 13For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. 14For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. 15For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. 16The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: 17And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. 18For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. 19For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God. 20For the creature was made subject to vanity, not willingly, but by reason of him who hath subjected the same in hope, 21Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. 22For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now. 23And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body. 24For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? 25But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. 26Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. 28And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. 29For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them be also glorified. 31What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? 32He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? 33Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth. 34Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. 37Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. 38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

We are God's adopted children! No matter what we do He will always be our father. Let us look forward to that hope! God is indeeed for us. who can be against us? Nothing can separate me from the love of God.

Yet once again, I say. This is not a license for us to do anything we want to. We are called, no we are slaves and have a duty to live and crucify ourselves for Him. Yet, when we do sin, and yes I do sin.

1 John 1:9If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

We have to confess them and repent, not be remorseful but turn from our ways.

Why do I not believe that I could lose my salvation? Because the Gospel's message is never about me, It's about Christ and what he does in us. For me to say that I do anything to gain, keep, or maintain my salvation is me preaching salvation by works. I preach not Christ but man. For me to believe that I can do anything in myself to gain/keep my salvation is heresy.

The farmer sowed seed upon ground. some ground was too hard and the seed was taken from them, others accepted the seed yet bore not fruit and then died fruitless, and one type bore much fruit. 3 types of ground had the seed in them. 3 types of Ground was saved, one finished well. I need to finish well as I am called to. I am not a thorn, I am a wheat stalk. :P

Let us all bear good fruit so that people can easily say of us, "There is a Christian"

Am I sinning? Yes I do, and I know that I suffer for it. Sometimes I'd rather not suffer but it seems that it is good.
Hebrews 12: 1Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, 2Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. 4Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin. 5And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: 6For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. 7If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? 8But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.
Not only is it time to move on and lay aside every encumbering weight. That means everything. I really believe that Hebrews is very crucial to the church today. Too often it's grace preached to the excess of that we may sin freely Paul is very clearly saying that that is playing with fire. We can't lose our salvation but God will spit us out if we provoke him. We have the same God as the one who told the Israelites to mass slaughter whole peoples. Why should we provoke him? We need to not flaunt our liberty. Paul is reminding us something very crucial. Our God is not all love and mercy. He is an all consuming fire. We have 2 options We can abide by his love and serve Him because we love him because he first loved us, or we should serve him because we fear the God who can destroy us as he destroyed those who mocked Him and sent bears to maim scoffing boys. We as the children of God do not have a Father who ignores us and our sins, but grieves and cares for us. The only thing that stands between us and His fiery wrath is the blood of His son. O may I never take it lightly.
The moe I look at the parables of Jesus I see how much I can learn from them and how much I don't understand about them. Hopefully this is a new twist on an old story.
Luke 15:11And he said, A certain man had two sons: 12And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living. 13And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living. 14And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want. 15And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. 16And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him. 17And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! 18I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, 19And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. 20And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. 21And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. 22But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: 23And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: 24For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry. 25Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard musick and dancing. 26And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant. 27And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound. 28And he was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him. 29And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends: 30But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf. 31And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. 32It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.

We've all heard this a million times, the son runs off and comes back.
He sees he doesn't deserve to be a son, he begs to be a servant. Yet His father doesn't want that. His son is always His son. Yet the Son abandoned him didn't want to be a part of the family anymore, wanted out. Yet he was still a son, he came back and was welcomed home. Then what did he lose? Did he have any punishment? What is an appropriate punishment for such action? The son was clear.. he didn't deserve to be called a son. but nope his punishment was that he wasted his inheritance and wasted his life. I believe it's the same with our Christian life. No matter what happens we are still God's children. but let us not take that lightly
Sin is very serious. yet..
the thing to not do is for me to judge those who ahve gone away and have come back. It's not my place to judge anyone. or get mad because someone can do so much and yet get forgiveness. Let us if we are either one of these sons, repent and stay close to the Father and our brothers.

I started reading Acts with some others and as I read through it I see this degree of comradery and fellowship. "while they were all of one accord" Too often I see and hear about all these different denominations. Why can't we be of one accord? DO we not all worship the same God? If we all seek Him, no matter if we are Catholic, Jew, or Greek Orthodox, and the more we kill our earthly selves, shouldn't we all get more of a common doctrine? Or is it what it seems.. most of the denomination worship religon and mammon.. and not God? As Christians we should be the last to get in a fight over something trivial.. such as the color of the carpet or whether it's ok to get drums for the youth. "sides, Church should be about God.. not human ministries and outreach programs. God's wpord is the most powerful influence known to man.. it needs no wrapping paper.
Let us Get back to the Bible and back to God. Let others see Jesus in us.

A Week with Homeschoolers Part 13 and 14

2009-02-08T18:35:00.001-08:00

Warning, this story does take a turn for the morbid. Reader discretion advised
Part 13, Pure terror
Two lights quickly turned on as Ben and Chris switched on their Surefires attached to their MIB weapons. Hey, gotta get them as realistic as possible. Ben headed to go check the breaker box as everyone pulled out their Cell or Ipod to get some light going. Cy took the opportunity to slip out. There was a very pretty local girl who had been helping cater, she was just begging for a good long kiss. The others all gathered in the middle of the gym, including Carrie and Matt, all kissing forgotten. There was some nervous chatter until Ben and Chris came back.
Chris spoke up, “It’s not the breakers, something else along the powerline is bad, maybe a pole fell down.”
Chad snickered, “And in this little Podunk town it’ll be a day before they fix it. Great idea to come here.”
Then they heard the same howling that they heard before.. except it was closer and more chilling. In the dark it was positively terrifying. It got closer as more wails joined in, a chorus of hell from mortal throats. Then a terrifying death wail keened from the kitchen then gargled slowly. Most of the girls dropped whatever they were holding and grabbed someone to hold on to. Sara started sobbing, and E went into hysterics. Ben and Mark raced towards the kitchen, weapons at the ready. Chris had handed it over so he could dance again with the dazzling Kim. Ben leaned over and vomited. “Get the girls out of here!”
The guys stared in horror at the corpse before them. Morbid splashes of blood covered the ground. Peter gasped. Erik’s head had been torn off. Ben’s light played up from the body to the head lying at the opposite side of the room and the beautiful witch crouching over it. The caterer girl was sitting like an ape and snarled at the light. Then she jumped screaming, fingers outstretched like claws out for the light. Ben squeezed off a round sending the witch to a very prompt death. Klaus dragged a table cloth over the body and threw a towel over the head. Ben put a sheet over the dead girl. Matt mentioned that Cy had said he was going to kiss that girl, Laura. They drew the conclusion that she had killed him for kissing her. Why so violent though? What was behind this? And the howling, something was up and it wasn’t good.
What would they do next? Would they survive?
Part 14 Shutdown
Several of them tried to call out but they couldn’t get any reception all of a sudden. That was really bad. The guys got together for a planning session. Freddy reached an instant conclusion. ZOMBIES!!! The wiser and more mature heads among them brushed off the big bunny when they should have listened. They did agree that something evil was happening and that they needed a plan. Klaus, Mark, and Ben drew up a plan of action.
1 Get to a power source and lights preferably at a safe location
2 Get contact with the outside
3 Get lots of firepower
4 Get local authority to fix problem
As they consulted Ben knew where they would most likely have a generator at the sewage lift station and the water holding tank, maybe the Water treatment plant and waste water treatment plant. Those places were required by State law to have generators and intruder proof fencing. At least it was a start. Several people started calling out but their cell phones weren’t working. Disturbing.While they were still discussing it the gym door swung open revealing a bright light and an old man. “Sorry about the power folks, it’ll probably get fixed in the morning when the power company comes on out.” He ahemed, and cleared his throat. “What was the shooting for?”
Klaus motioned Frank over. Everyone waited as Klaus and Frank went into the kitchen area. Frank walked in and lifted the sheets. As his light beam played over the gruesome scene then to our lovely dead murderer he sat down and cried. He buried his old head in his hands. Klaus put a hand on his shoulder.
The old man gulped and sobbed, “I brought Laura May into the world, I never thought she’d beat me out, why would such a good girl do something like this?” He cried bitterly for a couple minutes then got up and walked out.
He coughed and then spoke up in a husky voice. “Who shot Laura?” Ben coughed.
“I did”, he handed his gun over. “She jumped at me, and she killed Erik.”
“Did you see her kill him?” Frank assumed his business voice.
“No, but she was alone with him and she was crazy!”
“I am going to have to take you all downtown and take statements.
They all gathered up and headed out. Suddenly the universal spirit was not so festive. The party made it’s way back to the hotel, which was also the jail. Peter had one of Franks spare flashlights and he kept playing the beam at the outskirts if the brush. He stopped. “Look!! Animals!!”
Chris, in possession of his gun again, spun pointing the beam into the sparse woods. There was this hunched over humpback figure. The disfigured ape thing snarled as the light flashed over it and it hurled something. There was a thunk and the smallest bunny fell over. Not a real rabbit, but Jay. Sara screamed and ran over to her brother. Jay screamed. Not a shrill scream but more of a breathless scream. He lay limp, Frank stopped and started Patient assessment as Mark picked up the projectile. It was a pipe wrench.
Frank looked up,“ his spine, broken, what a lucky hit. Wait.. that’s Jed Hammonds wrench! He never lets it out of his sight, he’s a tool miser. Who threw it?”
Mark and Peter charged into the bushes to grab the lurking animal. But the Ape figure was too much of a match, with one sweep of it’s arm it hurled Mark backwards 5 feet. Then it grabbed Peter by the throat and started squeezing. Peter gargled.. then a flash of light lit up the area. The Ape figure threw up it’s hands, letting Peter drop gasping for air, and fell over limply.
Carrie ran to help her husband as did Abi. Everyone looked to the shooter, Chris, who was standing with his gun on his shoulder. “Not all that different from a black powder musket after all.” He said in his best tough guy voice.
Ben, also helping with patient assessment, told the stunned onlookers to go get some 2x4s or something to use as a stretcher. Kim and Scarlett, the resourceful ones, quickly ripped up some t-posts and gave them to Ben. Frank and Chris headed over to see who the attacker was. They looked down at a disfigured human with longer canines and froth bubbling from his mouth
Frank gasped, “Oh dear heavens, It’s Jed!! What could have done this to him?”

Part 12, week with Homeschoolers

2009-02-07T21:34:00.001-08:00

Part 12 Dance flop
Well not everyone was happy, Sara was pouting. Chad was trying to comfort Sara, well when he wasn't sneaking éclairs, can't blame him, those things are divine. Why was Sara upset? Her medieval ball had become a history era ball, Charlyn was wearing a big poofy pink dress. Most of the poof was because of the giant hoop she wore. (public nuisance) Cy her husband was wearing these blue suede shoes, plaid shorts, Medieval Times shirt, black bow tie and a bowler hat. Don't ask why. Chad was wearing a purple suit and a giant wig. Kayla was in an Elvin princess costume. She looked like she had stepped out of LOTR and shrunk 2 feet. Sara was in a Cinderella type costume, with a tall pointy hat. She was the only medieval person there. Mark was dressed as Batman and Peter was Robin. Not the old stuff, the new stuff, so they looked pretty wickedly awesome. I wouldn’t test their gear against bullets but it was pretty impressive, well until mark hit the wrong button and sent a small grappling hook into one of the lights. It got caught and with him trying to release he got hoisted up about 5 feet. Everyone took pictures and Klaus immediately posted pictures via his Iphone to his Facebook. Everyone stopped to see Ben, Scarlett, Kim, and Chris. Kim’s Indian outfit was awe striking. Scarlett was in her Miss America Dress and she was something to behold. Chris and Ben stood side by side, Black shades, Black suits and ties and black shoes. They were the Men in Black. They each held an impressive weapon; the question was “Were they real?”
Several of the dances started, at one point Kim pulled a repeat and yelled at Chris to get in and then pulled him in and danced with him. Chris turned red underneath his beard. The three fat rabbits bounced around keeping their lovely dance partners in a constant state of laughter. About half way through the fourth dance Kim had a showdown with the impressive Carrie. Carrie stalked over to Matt and pulled him into a corner. She grabbed his head as Kim pulled out a camera. Matt hollered in fear and Carrie sighed in frustration. She gritted her teeth and all the lights suddenly went out.

A week with Homeschoolers

2009-02-01T10:26:00.000-08:00

Part 11 Wooooove and wabbits
Slowly the dark red god of the day was being pulled to the underworld as The merry party made their way down the packed dirt street to the Dance hall, i.e. the school gymnasium. It was once filled with kids that were now old and had families of their own and moved out. See Piccadilly had no children. The town was slowly dying off. One day some big city would have thrown it’s suburbia out to the once living, breathing town of Piccadilly and put a Super Wallyworld where history had walked. Carol was walking arm in arm with Klaus, who was also eating at the time, again, and she had linked arms with Elisabeth, who was giggling along with Carol. Just behind her walked Peter and Abi, no need to say what they were doing, and behind them Jared and Kayla. The surprising thing was that for once, in the whole trip Jared was not playing a prank on someone, he was looking tenderly at his Halfling and had his hand on her stomach. Carrie and Charlyn were linked with their hubbies on either side of them. Mark was using his latest tech gadget to arrange his business schedule, he had cornered the market in Linux kernels, hence why he hated them. Erik was steamboated up and thinking about what a pretty wife he had. His pretty wife was sharing chocolate with Carrie, those two… well their husbands would always think they were thin, no matter how much they ate. Sara, Bekah, Chad and Michael were close behind. Sara and Bekah were discussing how cute Bekah’s shoes were and Chad and Michael were trying their best not to die of complete boredom.. as if that was what would end up killing them all. Matt, Jay, Freddy were behind them all three in matching Bunny outfits. Yes, I know the girls were going to say “Awwwwww How cute!” and get all mushy, but it was an accident. See, these boys had asked for matching Rambo outfits… but Freddy’s handwriting was so bad that they got 3 matching rabbit outfits. And they wouldn’t stop complaining. Freddy was going to be lucky to be in one piece tomorrow. Oh well, it’s what they get for trying to outdo Superman. :P There were 4 people missing… where were they? Kim, Chris, Scarlett and Ben were still at the hotel. Now before some of you start drawing conclusions.. Kim was having clothing problems. Ever seen Pocahontas in heels? Yah, Kim thought she could pull it off; Scarlett was trying to help her. There was a reason the Indians went barefoot or had them moccasins. Now I know that it’s a medieval dance… so Cy was wearing a shirt that said Medieval times on it, Matt, Freddy, and Jay were being themselves, and Kim argued that Indians dressed the same way throughout history. Now Chris and Ben, well, they got in a discussion about predestination, and they forgot about the dance, they were sitting in a side room eating and arguing about whether Kant was a nutcase or not. Scarlett ran down the hall in her outfit, springing softly on her slippers and she noticed the two arguing.
“Chris! Ben!” Scarlett placed her hands on her hips and glared at the two misfits. “Are you two planning on participating or not? You are late for the dance!”
Chris waved his hands, “Dancing is a sin!” He started to extrapolate but Kim stalked in with a haughty look on her face.
“High heels suck!” She tossed her mane of hair and a couple feathers floated out. “Ughn!! This is a royal pain!”
Chris mouth dropped open as he looked at Kim. She stood 5’ 5” in heels with her lovely hair cascading softly over her deerskin covered shoulders. Chris started to stammer, “Kim…Uh, Um,” He looked down at his dirty white sneakers and finished his sentence. “I’ll go get dressed for the dance; y’all go ahead, I’ll catch up.”
Scarlett fussed at him, “No you will get ready and come with us! Ben still has to get ready as well, then we will all go and hopefully we will only miss the first dance. Now get a move on!” Both Kim and Scarlett started tapping their feet and glaring at Ben and Chris. Ben bowed himself out and Chris rushed from the room.
Ben and Chris quickly got ready and rushed out. Ben winked at Scarlett and took her arm leaving Kim to take Chris’ arm. Ben, Kim and Scarlett talked and enjoyed the walk to the gym, and Chris got very bashful each additional moment. He was thinking how warm her arm.. and how muscular her arm was, and he tried to think about his server but it was hard to be focused. It seemed to take too long for them to get there.
They walked in and gentle music seemed to wash over them in a long wave. Ben and Chris stopped in awe at the colors and costumes.. not really they were snickering at the 3 giant bunnies hoping in the center. Giant fluffy ears, bigger fluffy feet, a cute poofy tail, and a giant pooch gut. Eh, wonder how medieval times had bunnies?

A Week with Homeschoolers, Parts 9&10

2009-01-30T20:22:00.000-08:00

Part 9 Picnic Panic
Finally everyone got packed up and started on the min hike at about 1300 hours. Why so late says you, It’s because of the girls. It took Klaus 30 minutes to convince E that heels wouldn’t work on a hike. Cy and Mark had to empty their wives packs of 12 lbs of Chocolate. Freddy ditched his Jacket for a light Sports coat and chucked off everything else and was talking excitedly with Matt and Jay about which direction moss grew on trees. Peter, Tom, Ben, Chris were all oohing and ahing over Peter’s new GPS locater. Jared and Kayla were talking excitedly. Jared hushed everyone and then stood up on the table. “Hey! Listen up!” Jared cleared his voice as everybody quieted down. “Kayla and I are going to be… parents. The doc says it’s a boy!”
Sara walked in and stopped in shock.. the Hobbit had a baby!! Wow.. What a shock. Well, was going to have a baby. What if Chad wanted a baby? Each girl was thinking the same thing, either in dread, excitement, or in envy. The midget was having a baby. Carol laughed softly until she saw Ben’s face. A look of pure pain crossed his face. Before she could talk to him they had to head out. Ben and Tom took the lead. Time seemed to pass by as the group looked at the woods and the creation. It truly is amazing to get outside and see the glory of the earth. They saw some birds feeding their young, some wildlife that resented the noisy intruders. Finally they made it up to the big clearing and everyone gathered around. As everyone unpacked the food and arranged it, Then they all gathered around and prayed, thanking God for the food, the fellowship and the fun. Then they started to chow down. Scarlett looked up from her beef sandwich and softly touched Matt who was next to her. “Hey, where’s Ben?”
Matt said around a ham sandwich, “Don’t know, Don’t care”
Scarlett looked around for Carol then caught her eye and they got up, Scarlett squeezed Matt’s hand b4 leaving. They started looking around the perimeter of the clearing and they couldn’t see where he left. They started asking the couples if they had seen Ben and where he went. Peter and Abi were too busy being a couple to notice that anyone left. Klaus scrolled through his pictures and noticed that someone had brought dessert, so he occupied himself. Jay said good riddance, and E wondered if Ben had even come. They didn’t have any luck until they came to Tom. Tom said he didn’t know but he’d help them find him. It was a wonder to watch Tom. He walked once around the perimeter. Then he stopped and dropped to one knee. He peered at a small twig next to a small game trial. Tom stood up. “He went this way, it goes to a small bluff with a dropoff, he’s probably there.”
Scarlett was totally shocked. “How do you know that?”
“If I wanted to be alone, I’d go there too.” Tom bent over and picked up the broken twig, “Anyways, no one else has left and this is a fresh snap and some of the trail grass is bent over.
Scarlett and Carol walked that way enjoying the view but keeping a sharp eye out for Ben. They didn’t notice Tom trailing them behind, staying close enough to make sure they were safe. You never let a girl or girls alone in the woods.. rabid squirrels, I’ve seen em! So they walked along until they saw Ben sitting on a large rock on the edge of the bluff. “Hey Carol, Red.”
They looked at him, “How did he..”
Ben spoke up, “Thanks Tom, cya later.”
Tom disappeared as Ben patted the rock next to him. Carol at on one side and Scarlett on the other side. No one spoke for about ten minutes. Ben whispered, “Look, a Northern Bluebird and it’s babies”
Scarlett leaned over and stared at the pretty bird. Carol’s D300 hummed softly as she zoomed in on the nest. She clicked 4 times. The silence dragged on as they pointed out different birds. Carol broke the poignant pause, “Ben, Are you ok?”
“What do you mean, Carol?” Ben turned his head to look at Carol. “Physically I’m fine, Mentally I am ok, but no I’m not.” Ben continued as he picked up a small stone. He studied it’s pitted surface. “I don’t want to be a party pooper, but I’m not feeling too good.”
Carol and Scarlett waited as Ben continued. “it’s been really hard. I really don’t know what to do. It’s been some time, I should be over it.. but it’s been one year in three days.” Ben wiped his eyes and muttered about the dust.
“Is it the girl whose picture you have in your Bible?” Scarlett asked.
Ben started to nod, then he stopped. He grabbed Carol’s camera and zoomed in then got up and helped the ladies up and pulled them along. “It’s time to head back.” They headed back as quick as Ben could move them. He started quipping jokes and started them giggling. Matt scowled as he noticed Scarlett hanging onto Ben’s arm. He got up halfway but Scarlett disengaged herself and sat next to Him. Ben handed the camera to Carol and pulled Tom aside.
Scarlett kept an eye on Ben though and saw them leave. Tom and Ben headed out and Scarlett got up. Matt scowled again and got up to follow her. He mumbled something about Ben stealing his girl. Carol noticed Matt’s surliness and quickly nabbed him. “Carol, Ben is stealing Scarlett from me! He’s doing it again. He publically humiliates me in the chat room and now he’s stealing the person I love. He’s a jerk! I’m going to ki..”
Carol shushed him, “They are just friends, like we are, brother and sister. Ben has always been there for her, and now she needs to be there for him. But you know that she loves you, if she had loved Ben, she would have accepted him when he asked her to marry her.”
Matt showed total shock and he stammered.. “he did?”
Matt went and sat down in shock, Scarlett must really love him to have turned down Ben in hopes that she and Matt would work out. He really had a treasure in Scarlett. Carol sat down with Klaus and rummaged in her bag for her stash of chips. “Ben didn’t really propose to Red did he?”
Carol mumbled no over a mouth of chiplets, she swallowed and ahemed. “Sometimes a little lie helps”
Scarlett followed far behind enough so they couldn’t hear her. She got to the bluff and peered over. Tom and Ben were squatted around a small patch. Ben had a puzzled look on his face. Tom pulled his cell phone out and took some pictures. Scarlett shifted her weight and sent a small pebble rolling down the bluff. Tom and Ben stood up and turned sharply as a look of relief crossed their faces. Ben motioned Scarlett over. “Hey Red, What do you think of this?”
Scarlet made her way down to where Ben and Tom were standing. At Ben’s feet laid a female and her three babies. The female’s head was bashed in and the babies’ throats were torn open. Scarlett looked at Ben with a question in her eyes. “You saw it when we were up there,” She pointed with her left hand. “What did you see?”
Ben squatted again, “I saw them feeding and the mum, if you can call her that, turned and ripped out the babies’ throats after one of them was trying to nurse off of her when she was digging for nuts. She then went crazy when she saw the blood and beat her head against this stone here. I’ve never seen this behavior, don’t understand. It’s very freaky. Tom has never seen this behavior before either, have you?”
Scarlett didn’t know what to say, as the three headed back to the group. They were each puzzled and bewildered. Was this an isolated rabies incident or a harbinger of worse things to come?
Part 10 The lull
As they went back they agreed to tell Frank but to keep it between themselves. The less people who knew, the better, it was Ben’s first mistake; unfortunately it wasn’t going to be his last.
When Ben, Tom, and Scarlett got back, Ben noticed that once again all the guys were grouped around talking about computers, didn’t take them that long to ditch the gfs/wives. And most of the girls were grouped around, well except for Carol and Elisabeth. Carol was taking the time to show Elisabeth how some of the new features worked. Every time a new DS came out she would get it, or really Santa would get it. Santa didn’t mind his loving wife’s infidelity with cameras. For once Elisabeth was getting out of her shell. It had been a hard time for her. She was on her own, not much in the way of funds and ever since her brother had been kicked out of the house she had been trying to make ends meet. All her life she had booked on her looks, but all the good ones she turned down in hopes of finding the future President, but she lived in Oregon, pfft, what were the odds of that happening? Freddy had spent what little she had and maxed her cards out. The reunion was a last ditch shot at maybe finding some work from one of her friends. Being as independent as she was, she hated asking for help. But as she talked with Carol, she found herself opening up and telling everything. Carol listened to Elisabeth’s heart and let Elisabeth cry on her shoulder. Afterwards they all hugged and Carol pulled Elisabeth towards the group of girls, who were talking about makeup of all things. Elisabeth wiped her eyes and joined in the discussion about the latest thing in Lipstick from MaryKay, the Foobar Blossom.
Carol stepped away and pulled Mark aside from his passionate discussion about Mac versus Linux. Chris is a diehard you know. Swears by his holy servers, that Linux trumps Mac. Mark was the key proponent of Mac and getting pulled out early destroyed the Mac side so Chris got to rub his hands and laugh at his fallen foes. Those IT guys… so sadistic. He was going to need all the sadism he could muster soon enough. Carol and Mark talked for a bit then Mark went back and the guys started to discuss the morality of downloading music and movies. All to soon the lovely picnic came to a cease and they packed up what little was left..
Tom and Ben lead them back and they had so much fun, already there was a touch of melancholy that time was passing so fast.. They got back to the hotel and Sarah and Tom said their goodbyes and headed out. Ben and Scarlett looked up Frank and passed the word to him while all got ready for the dance, no one wanted to go on that hike with Ben. Go figure, I guess Jay and Matt had been humiliated enough. Soon enough the girls and guys were prepping for the dance. All was going to be great!

No Greater Love-Story

2009-01-24T08:31:00.000-08:00

This is purely fictional. No reference is made or intended to anyone.

No Greater Love
Rights Reserved No copying w/o permission by author.

My darling Rachel,
I can never express my love for you and our unborn daughter. Please do not grieve for I will be with my Saviour and I will have no worries or trouble. Turn the love which you have for me towards Nicole, my sister. Come to love her as your sister, Stephanie.
My Rachel, Nicole and I started our voyage with the desire to deepen our relationship and to have God unite our family despite my past failure and horrible treatment of her. On our trip we were becalmed 2 weeks out, the radio won’t work and we have food for only one. We can’t both make it back. Don’t weep for me dearest. Only remember the first time we met.
I saw you across the room with this monstrous box that dwarfed you, my love. I offered my assistance, but we didn’t talk. You were flustered from busily preparing for your children’s program. Dearest, what attracted me from the very start was the light in your eyes, the air that possessed you, the air of one who was purely living for God. I had met many young ladies that were beautiful, yet, from your countenance shined your heart.
That was it for me. I had to get to know you better. I didn’t even know your name! I went and I searched for your name. That was easy. The hard part was finding your address and your dad’s phone number. You wouldn’t have believed the hours I spent talking to your father and soon to be mine as well. When at last your dad gave me his consent and I came to court you, you had no idea. You thought I was a starving employee of your fathers. I don’t blame you, considering the way I put away the meals. I thought you would have at least remembered me. That didn’t dissuade me; I kept it up until the day.
You remember that?? We were in your living room when your mom and dad happened to “disappear”. You looked like the princess of my dreams. I dropped to one knee… and slipped. I smacked my head against the fireplace hearth. I passed out. When I came to, your whole family had “reappeared” again. They were standing over me checking to see if I could count to ten. Everything was fine, well except that I was bleeding onto your mom’s angora rug. As soon as I cleaned up, and your family “re-disappeared” I asked you to marry me.
For me the next four months flew past seemed like an eternity. I could not believe God’s blessing on me. I had the prizes above all prizes. We had both kept ourselves chaste so we were innocents. We were in love and devoted to pursue God in our relationship. The courtship then seemed to fly by. As we studied 1 Corinthians our relationship grew deeper with each other and with God.
I remember our wedding day. As I stood next to our pastor and my best man and good friend Michael, I watched your father escort you up the aisle. Your purity alone was whiter than your dress. Right then I was hit again with the knowledge that I was not fit to be your husband. We have had our rocky bumps and troubled times but they just helped us get closer together and grow in the Lord.
For my sister Nicole, Treat her well, she doesn’t know what I am doing and she will be in pain. I have kept her in the dark about our current distress. Lean on her, she is strong and lovely in heart. I regret how badly I treated her when we were younger. She needed me and I pushed her away, when I could have just been there for her. God has done wonders for our relationship in the last five years. He has shown me how much Nicole really means to me.
I can never say that I love you too much. Rachel, I am sorry that I will not hold our little daughter, see her grow into a young lady that is just like her sweet mother, or spend time with her. I love you so much and will see you in a twinkling of an eye. God bless you and keep you.
Your loving husband,
Jake

Lost at sea aboard the yacht, The Flying Duchess one Jake Montez. It is believed he slipped overboard to save another life. He is survived by his parents, John and Stacy, His sister Nicole, and his Wife Rachel. Memorial services are at First Baptist of Spurville this Monday.

A Week with Homeschoolers

2009-01-23T22:19:00.000-08:00

In no case is this story meant in any but a humorous light. Hope you all enjoy and are not offended. Please do not copy without permission

There sat an old man. He sat this one, fine day just as he had sat for the last 23 years, 4 months, and 2 days. And as he sat rocking, back and forth, chewing, he'd talk of politics, weather, old times, fish bait, and the like. But on this day, something happened that changed his world forever. No, it wasn't a meteor or a lightening strike, but a bus….

The dusty Greyhound slowed and screeched to a stop. The sliding door clanged open and disgorged a group of boisterous people. The old man’s chewing stopped…… started but stopped as he saw the long skirts and long hair and shock.. something he had only heard of before… horrors of horrors… the women were having intelligent conversations with some guys and the other girls… he swallowed his chaw.

Carol stepped off the bus D300 in hand, well it was a change, instead of two hands around her baby, it was one.. the other was hand in hand with Klause, and there was a huge ring on her hand, he had a matching one.. yup they were happily, no obliviously married. Klauss’ hand was intertwined with Carol’s free one.. and his other one was wrapped lovingly around Carol’s old D90, yes once his rival but no longer… just his minion.

Next was Kayla, arm in arm with Jared, Kayla was sporting an authentic edition of the hobbit in hopes that people would recognize her… not realizing that being a midget gave it all away. Jared.. well he was Jared… nothing more nothing less

The next two people who stepped off made the old geezers jaw hit the ground. A dainty foot enclosed in a spike high heel. His old eyes looked up and he gasped at the beauty that stepped out. She looked like a professional model. Her hair was done up in the most elegant up to date fashion and everything was glistening and in place. What befoggled the old man was not the sight before him, but the thought that there really were people stupid enough to travel in a bus for 1000 miles dressed so ridiculously. Right behind her came this scrawny boy/man wearing an oversized pair of aviators and a bulky leather jacket. The “Shades” were scanning the nonexistent crowds for a potential attacker or stalker.. he had a phone cord running from his collar to his ear. Despite his vigilance he missed the sign on his sister’s low backed dress.. that read FUTURE FIRST LADY.

“Kids these days,” The old man resumed his rocking but nothing would ever be the same again.

Fredster walked up to the old man who was talking to himself again.

“Where is the nearest Hotel?”

“Looks like it’s going to be a warm night tonight”

“Sir, the directions?”

“Haven’t seen a cloud formation like that since 1954, sure harbinger of rain”

“I’m talking to you old man!!”

“The wind is from the south… that is a sure sign of evil”

That stopped Freddy, well that and Klause pointed with his D90, “Look, says Old fashioned Hotel.” His heavy German accent caused Carol, his wife, to giggle; well, and take some more pictures.. of the old man in the rocking chair. Kayla and Jared were already headed down the street hand in hand… sigh, young love… well kinda young love. Epster headed down to as prettily as she could while Fredster scanned the empty shops for possible snipers. Carol shrieked.. “Look how cute that hotel is!” and promptly rattled off 23 shots. Klause took a picture of the Old Tyme Gas station. Yup.. one picture.. Carol hadn’t trained him all the way yet.. they’d only been married for 4 years. Ok, the first 3 and a half were spent training Santa to put the toilet seat down and to put his clothes in the hamper rather than as if he had been raptured.

As the couples walked in through the swinging wooden doors, well E and Freddy weren’t a couple.. they were just there, they saw a sign over the weathered hotel clerk’s counter. It read

Welcome HAS Chat! 1^st annual reunion in Piccadilly MO

Part 2, Superman

The counter was vacant.. which didn’t faze Carol or Klause any.. well no need to say what they were doing. Eppie was bored and everyone could see she thought the future first lady should not be kept waiting and Freddy’s vigilant eyes had still missed the sign… Kayla was still enthralled with Jared despite his childish fascination with the little bell. From the back came a stenetorian voice.. Read the note moron! And leave that dratted bell alone, it’s an antique!

“So is everything else in this blasted town,” Jared muttered “not even a decent pizza place.

Carol snapped a closeup of the note while reading it.. “important discussion in back, keep your britches on.”

Freddy listened aptly to the conversation in hopes that it was a conspiracy…

“So if we piped the dispersion back into a loop and then put some mixing plates just after the Coag injection point on our loop, we would have optimum coagulation?”

“Yes sirrie, here let me draw it out for you.”

“IT’S A BOMB PLAN!!!! Freddy yelled reaching for his holstered Mp90, wait that part was still in his imagination, He rushed in there screaming citizen’s arrest to see a portly middle-aged man and another guy examining some plans on a table. The other guy snapped up, glanced at Freddy, snickered and turned back to his drawing.. “Make a loop there… and”

“You are both under Citizens arrest for conspiracy to commit terrorist acts!”

The middle aged guy looked up, “Sonny where did you learn them newfangled words? The Fourth season of NCIS? I’m Frank, the sheriff of Piccadilly County. And this is no bomb” He chuckled and turned back to the drawing.

“The other guy spoke up.. Freddy is that a telephone cord behind your ear?”

Freddy was struck by lightning, well just about… he managed to stammer out a reply, “What are those plans? And who is this guy who knows my name?”

Frank answered in his nasal twang, “Diagrams for improvements in our water treatment plant. We are looking at boosting our plant to once every two weeks operation”

“Wait you are the Water boy and the Sheriff? And who is this guy? Freddie’s eyes narrowed suspiciously under his dark shades.

The man stood up revealing a tussled shock of hair above two gray eyes perched above a mischevious smile. Freddy gulped as he noticed the muscled torso barely concealed by the vivid shirt. “Superman?”

No Freddy, I picked up the shirt at Walmart. I’m Ben. “

Part Three, the meeting

Carol promptly rattled off 30 pictures and ran up and hugged Ben. Kayla came up and vindictively poked Ben in return for the midget jokes and all the cyber pokes. “My finger went in this much!” “Fat Check!” Elisabeth sneered as dignified as she could… Jared and Klause gathered around the drawing and proceeded to make educated comments. 8080 port, 15 degress, round about turn, their boy talk was interrupted by a dignified fashionable lady poised in such a way that outshined Epster.. “We are meeting here in the conference room, of you would like to come in or you can stay with Ben and the dear sheriff. The sheriff smiled as Carol rushed over and hugged Sara then took pictures of Sara in her stunning outfit. Sara was wearing knee high boots, and a white wrap dress, and a silver necklace with a black diamond pendant. Her hair flowed loosely in wild curls. Freddy’s mouth dropped open in shock… as E got a jealous look in her eyes… All of them filed into the conference room leaving Ben.aka superman and the sheriff behind.

There was Eric, Carrie, Matt, Scarlett, Jay, Chris, Bekah, Chad, Abi, Michael, Peter, Mark, and Charlyn. Haha, now I have to say who is married to whom or who is bf/gf with everyone…

First Carrie married to Mark… I know what a shock, Carrie was perfectly happy eating chocolate…. Scarlett was hand in hand with Matt, they were bf and gf, I know, another shock, Jay was single.. no surprise there, Michael and Bekah were hand in hand, Abi and Peter, Eric and Charlyn, and Chad was Sara’s husband. Eric was kissing every girl he could.. to the annoyance of all their bfs or husbands. Scarlett had grown into a lovely young lady and Matt was mature and talking about computer stuff with Chris, Chris was single along with Kim.. who was drawing guns and knives on the tablecloth, Abi and Peter were kissing.. Michael and Bekah were talking with Charlyn, the they all got up and mingled and said howdy and shook hands and had a lot of fun.. Jay was asleep on the couch. After about 15 minutes of talking Sara started handing out sheets of paper with a schedule on it.

Friday night-games and mingling, midnight walks included

Saturday morning, bfast at 10, for those interested at 6:30 Ben is leading a run… he should be around. But meet him outside the front door at 6:30 sharp. A little hike not led by Ben happens at 12 and will include a picnic.. then a hike led by Ben happens at 4, dinner and dancing starts at 6. Make sure to wear appropriate attire as it is a medieval dance. Sunday Morning we will have a group church then start leaving. Hope you all have a blast! Enjoy the local attractions.

A game of spoons started up… Chad was spanking everyone of course.. Kim ended up throttling him cause he stole hers. The little game of dutch blitz was won by Scarlett.. E sat and looked with disdain at all the trivial games.. there were charades… Whoever said Homeschoolers couldn’t have fun… oops Fredster dragged out the pinko.. the party was going downhill fast. They got together for a big game of signs.. and Scarlett noticed Ben was gone.. said something to Carol, and Carol went to get him. She saw him outside with something in his hand. The moon was out in full strength. Scarlett whispered.. what is he reading? They tiptoed outside.. Ben had his Bible open.. and there was a picture of a lovely girl there and Ben was crying. Carol coughed.. and Ben shut his bible fast and stood up, and quickly said… Pretty ladies in the moonlight.. flatters you both to the best.. but they didn’t laugh. They smiled and each of them took an arm and dragged him in.. then made him join in signs.. after about ten minutes… Carol and Scarlett walked aside.

“Carol, did you see what he had his bible open to?”

Carol swung her head in a no, Scarlett continued. “Psalms 51”

Part 4.. More surprises

The party progressed as Carol kept a watchful eye on everyone and took pictures.. but she didn’t see the dashing Chad slip out, nor Ben’s halfhearted attempts to play.. nor the upset look on Sara’s face.. Honestly she tried but Klause was too busy chucking her under the chin while gobbling up goodies and half heartedly taking pix.

Sara waited until no one was looking or so she thought and headed out. Ben however noticed… and from what he knew already, he figured he had better tag along. Ben was great at sticking his nose where it didn’t belong.. but then again so did Superman. If you haven’t noticed it Ben had an ego issue.. just cause he was the most fit person in hsachat didn’t give him room to be superman…

Ben followed Sara to the front of the hotel and watched as Sara stepped out and looked both ways tehn sighed and hung her head. Ben coughed delicately and Sara looked at Ben and nodded. Yes, I don’t know where he is.. but I’m sure he’s at it again. Ben nodded. Sara asked.. Can you help me? I don’t know where he went. Ben stepped outside and looked at the dirt.
“He went that way.”

“Wow, I didn’t know you could read signs”

“I can’t” as they walked towards a building that had a light on. Sara’s puzzled look disappeared as Ben explained.. “this is the only building in the town that has a light on.”

Ben stopped outside and watched through the window as Sara walked in. There were 3 men and Chad seated around a card table playing poker. Sara kicked over the table sending the marked cards flying then grabbed Chad’s arm and pulled him out. Ben disappeared quickly as they came out. “You promised you wouldn’t! I make enough that you don’t have to gamble, besides you have been losign steadily for the last 4 months! You have to stop!”

Chad kissed her, “Hun, I was winning, my luck has turned, it’s ok, I won’t do it again, sweetie.”

Sara sighed and leaned into Chad as they walked down the street. Ben followed as discreetly as he could as they fell in love again. As they neared the hotel Ben heard a car in the distance. He waited outside as Sara and Chad entered the hotel. The car drove up and stopped. A tall, dark, handsome man stepped out of the blue mustang and hurried around to the passenger door. He opened it and out stepped Sarah aka the tall princess. Sarah gracefully walked over to Ben and hugged him. “Good to see you Ben! Let me introduce you to my fiancé, Tom Rushford, known to you as Cricket.”

Part 5 Shock and awe

You could have knocked Ben over with a feather.. this dude was more bulked than him. Tom opened the door and they walked into the hotel. As they walked into the conference room, the noise subsided, all the girls looked in awe at Sarah’s man, and the guys looked at Tom’s muscles in envy. Sara came up first and introduced herself to Tom and the ice quickly broke. Carol took dozens of pictures again as she asked Sarah how she had met Tom.

“it’s really sad though, Tom was an Army Ranger in Iraq and was injured when an IED went off, the shrapnel damaged part of his brain, the social area incidentally. For a couple months he recovered then went to School at Letourneau to finish up his degree in Bioscience, where he met Chris, a fellow introvert. They became friends and Tom wanted to get out and meet more people so Chris helped him out and created Cricket, who we all thought was a bot. Because I was so nice to him, he wanted to meet me. Chris gave me a call, which I couldn’t believe him doing, and told me about Tom and how Tom wanted to meet me. Now Tom had done some film stuff as well so we met up at a film festival, and it was love at first type.. We are getting married in 3 months. And you are all invited! Especially Kim and Ben.” We have to leave tomorrow afternoon though.

Kim was so shocked. You could have taken all her knives away, all 12 of them, and she would have never known it. Matt, Jay, Freddy and Elisabeth looked like they had a stroke and Ben looked sick. Chris had an evil grin on and was laughing his head off while rubbing his hands back and forth. The others rushed to congratulate Sarah and Tom, the real lucky one, and Carol took more pictures, and then hugged everyone.

Everyone got together for a huge game of spoons till you pee. It got down to the two famous singles, Kim, and Chris. Kim won of course, after planting one of her knives in the last spoon. Chris liked his fingers in one piece. Chris drank the cup of water and then had to excuse himself. People started breaking apart and headed out to enjoy the moonlight and the warm, gentle breeze. Finally they were all gone leaving Ben behind. Ben started to clean up but Carol and Klaus popped back in, “Come on Ben, Don’t be an old fart!” Klaus said affably, “You can tag along with us; Scarlett and Matt are with us as well”

Ben noticed Matt’s scowl, and agreed. As they walked outside Klaus linked arms with Carol who linked arms with Ben. Scarlett grabbed Ben’s other arm and Matt, still scowling. They started skipping and soon passed Abi and Peter, and were joking and having a blast. Klaus said something about his belly and a bowl full of jelly when they heard a piercing howl. It was unlike anything any of them had heard before..it was a sound of anger and terror, like a wail torn from an eternally damned banshee..

Carol and Scarlett hugged their special somebodies closer as Carol asked, “What was that?”

“Probably a wolf” Klaus answered as he hugged Carol.

Scarlett and Ben looked at each other and whispered at the same time. “That’s no wolf”

Part 6 Fun and Pain, Aren’t they the same?

The howl dampened the merry spirit of the homeschoolers and in unison they headed back to the hotel, Kim clutching her two biggest knives nervously. There was little chatter on the way back. They went to their rooms and bedded down, even Chad, who seemed to lose his draw to the poker game.

The sun rose too early for most of the late nighters.. shining it’s gentle rays upon two men in a dead sprint towards the hotel. The tall one was in the lead by 10 feet when the short one sprinted and barely beat him to the hotel. Then they started walking around the small city block and the smaller one looked at his Casio G-shock, solar powered baby and remarked it’s 6:25.. no one’s coming I guess.

Tom gasped.. “Gee, you are a fast little bugger. Where were you trained?”

Ben gasped back, “I cut that corner back there, you had me dead to rights.”

Tom slapped Ben on his back. “Ha, it’s not cheating to use available resources! I need to run more.”

“Me too” Ben leaned over in the rag doll

The old wooden hotel doors swung open as Carrie, Charlyn, Chris in suspenders and shorts, Sara wearing the latest Underarmor running outfit with matching water bottle, Sarah, and last but not least… Carol, camera in hand.

“Carol you can’t run and take pictures!” Chris laughed.

“Watch me!!” They started stretching. Well Carol was taking pictures while stretching… some of the shots which nobody should ever need to see or would see. They did some warm ups and cast aside all the gear that was unneeded. Then they set off. Tom had the fast group and Ben had the slow group.

Elisabeth regally looked out her window and watched, as she put it, the rustics in their morning silliness. She was very upset that she been so rudely awakened by Klaus and Carol speaking German in the other room. As Ben’s group faded off into the distance, she heard a knock on the door. “Who is it?”

“It’s Frank,” the guy waited, “Oh, I reckon you don’t remember, I’m the hotel manager” She thought maybe Freddy had ordered room service and opened up.. but it wasn’t room service.

The portly man stood there in his faded clothes, his head downturned and twisted his battered hat between his knurled hands. He looked up with a bashful look on his face. “Ma’am, I don’t know how to say this, and please don’t take this wrong or as an affront again ye, but your credit card is overdrawn. I have a living to make and a family. Unless I have some form of payment, you and your brother will have to leave.”

Elisabeth gasped.. “What about this card?” Pulling out her other credit card, the only one she thought wasn’t maxed out; she handed it over.

Frank bobbed his head and headed downstairs. The stairs creaked as he tottered down, putting his hat on. He desperately hoped there was some credit to this card.. but the credit check he had done said that she had a very low score. He put the card in the reader and he sighed as the red letters flashed at him like the lights of a Police cruiser. NOT AUTHORIZED

Frank’s hat was being twisted in nearly about half as he headed back up the rickety old stairs. He made his way to the Beauty’s door. His knurled fist was about to knock on the door when a portly, bespectacled, red suited chap with a red nightcap paused him. “Sir.. Can I have a word with you?”

Frank stepped aside with the fat furry fellow. “This may be a guess but is Miss Elisabeth Starr short on funds, and is in danger of eviction?”

“Yes, She is.. I don’t want to do it, and I know it sounds corny, but I need the money.” Frank’s wrinkled face grew red with embarrassment.

The Santaish figure held up a plump finger. “Whatever it is that they need, any expense at all, put it on my tab.” He put a Visa card with a St. Nick on it in Franks hand. “Not a word to Ms. Starr of course, she’s most insistent about these things, gotta have a sense of dignity and all.”

As Frank went about his other morning activities in the hotel he saw the groups come in from their morning exercise. Most of them were puffing, and blowing, except the 2 buff guys. They looked fresh and as if they had joined the old man in the rocking chair and talked about the weather for the last hour. Frank shook his head as he reached beneath the counter and put on his mayor hat and headed out to check to make sure that all the public services were working.. the one fire hydrant, the one public bathroom, the one water fountain, and the one and only fire truck/police car/ dog catcher vehicle. In a one horse town, one man is the horse. And he carries all the burden. Not much goes wrong in a small town, and when it does, one man can handle it. But what happens when everything goes wrong?

Part 7 When it starts going wrong.

Most people were getting cleaned up for the fun picnic party and/or seeing the local sights and having a general fun time. Chad was pacing the street. He wanted to play so bad.. It was in his blood. And he was good. But he was addicted. He thought back to when he first started to play. It was easy at first.. he won and he won and he could control how much he played.. but then it seemed to get the better of him. He played off and on, trying to control his urges. He got so addicted that he seemed to lose his whole soul. One day.. Sara came and pulled him out of a game.. She helped him recover and they got married. Ever since then he had been not playing.. but the pull was too much. He looked down at the old time Saloon as the doors swung open revealing the beefy guy he bilked of 800 dollars last night. “Beefy” walked over and spat a brown stream between his missing front teeth hitting the

“You going to let us try to get our money back? It’s only fair.” Chad grinned sickly. Now what was he going to do?

“Chad!” Chad turned to see the superman reject come up. “Hey, wanted to ask you if you are game for the hike this afternoon after the picnic?”

“Beefy” spoke up, “Take a hike Kid! This is Business!” Then the guy turned to Chad.. “You playing? Or are you some yellowed, no good, city slicker?”

Chad knew it had gotten worse.. really worse. This guy was nuts. “Ben, would you leave us?”

Ben was no dumb bunny.. and He owed Sara big time anyways. “Hey! You! Lard brain! Did you lose those front teeth naturally or did you try to eat a cue ball?”

Beefy blinked slowly. “Naturally?”

“Yes Dumb bucket, what your mum never taught you how to brush those brown babies?” Ben grinned evilly.. so cruelly.. Sara was right. Ben has an evil grin.

Beefy gasped.. the punk insulted his dear deceased mum! Brown babies! What did he think he was saying? Beefy took a swing at the evilly grinning head and the lights went out.

A poof of dust arose from where beefy laid. All 6 and a half feet of him. Chad blinked owlishly.. It happened so fast! Ben dusted off his hands and looked at Chad. “Dumb bunny swung from the shoulder. Never do that. Over extends yourself and throws your balance off.”

They heard someone clapping. Tom ,standing beside the hotel door, called out, “Well done! You are the hero of the day!”

A scream arose from the hotel, startling Ben, Tom, and Chad.. They quickly turned to see the Halfling running out of the hotel screaming like a banshee. The door swung open again as Cy was chasing her. It’s just a kiss, Come on Ka” His repertoire was cut brutally short as Tom stuck out a leg tripping Cy and sending him sprawling into the dirt.

Cy sprung up. “What’s the Big idea?!?” His face grew red as a beet. His hands curled into fists and a blood vessel started out.

Tom looked apologetic, as he mumbled, “I’m so sorry Eric, I wasn’t paying attention. I just am a klutz. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Cy uncurled his fists and walked back into the hotel as he yelled. “Just make sure it doesn’t happen again or else!”

Kayla ran up and hugged Tom. “Thanks sooo much, you are the Hero of the day.” Tom and Ben looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Midgets are sooo emotional . Kayla, fitting in that category, missed what was happening in the big world.

Everyone headed back inside as Ben and Chad dragged Beefy into the saloon. Gee He was heavy. Back inside the hotel, Tom and Kayla walked into the room. Cy and Charlyn were cozy on the end couch. Jared and Peter were shooting pool. “Eh, why are you two so cosy now?”

Kayla quickly stuck out her midget tongue and walked over and hugged her dashing husband. “Cy tried to kiss me and Tom saved me.”

Tom shrugged as Jared first looked at Tom, then at Cy. Cy shifted gingerly as Jared gave him the eye. “It was just a kiss”

Jared cleared his throat, “Cy, kiss my wife again and I will beat you down.”

Cy got up and stomped off in a rage as Charlyn bashfully apologized for Erik’s bad behavior. “He’s been losing customers and clients and it’s been hard for him at work. I’m really sorry Jared and Kayla.”

Kayla went and hugged Charlyn, “I’m sorry, that must be hard.” Kayla handed Charlyn some chocolate as Ben and Chad walked in. Then they heard shouts of anger. They all huddled around a window as angry noises filled the air. Was the whole town going mad?

Part 8 A Bet

Then the noise subsided. It was quite a shock.. the homeschoolers all looked at each other in puzzlement. “is it the Angry Hour for Piccadilly?” Ben quipped.

Jared laughed, “Probably the local tradition. Instead of howling at the moon, they yell at each other.” Chad snickered.

“Hopefully the girls didn’t really hear that.” Kayla said.

Ben , Chad, Jared, and Tom looked at Kayla. “You are a girl Kayla.” All four chimed in.

Kayla was set back temporarily. A shocked look washed over her face as the dismal truth set in. She almost cried as she thought. “They don’t think I’m one of the guys?” Yet she didn’t think that because Jared didn’t think of her as a guy was a very good thing. It’s usually hard for a manly man like J-bob to fall in love with a girl that he thinks is a real ‘ol pal. And Jared is very much in love. Then Jared leaned over and kissed her on her wrinkled forehead. “Ah smooth out those wrinkles Kayla, you are much more lovely than any guy could be.”

The little meeting broke up as they all headed up to their rooms to get ready for the afternoon. Bekah, Carrie, Kim, Matt, and Jay came down the stairs. The girls began to make the picnic dinner as Matt and Jay teased them, made disgusting noises, and pinched the girls. Now if it had been 5 years earlier Matt and Jay would have died slowly by Kim. However, Kim had been saved and therefore was trying to be nice. Carrie was making ham sandwiches, some were chocolate filled, Kim was putting the mayo and mustard on, and Bekah was bagging them. Matt finally cut to the chase and grabbed one of Carrie’s sandwiches and proceeded to eat it in right next to her ear. Jay put his finger about an inch from Kim’s ear.

“I’m not touching you!!!” Jay was having more fun that a dog that was chasing a running pole cat.

Matt was making more noises than a wood chipper that was being fed ironwood. Finally Carrie snapped and palm struck Matt in his solar plexus. Kim immediately grabbed Jays out stretched finger and pushed it up, making him squeal like a stuck pig. Matt doubled over and barfed the stolen sandwich out. Kim forced Jay to his knees as he began blubbering. Kim hollered “I won!!”

“Of course you won, Please let my finger go.” Jay blubbered

“Not you doorknob, I beat Carrie. Now pay up.” Matt gasped for air as Carrie glared at Kim. “Ok, but later, tonight at the dance.”

Carrie sighed, “Fine”

She glared down and the wheezing Matt. Matt got up and walked out. “I need some fresh air”

Jay moaned as Kim put more pressure on. “Please stop”

“Please what?” Jay moaned.. what did she want now?

“Please stop, I shouldn’t have teased you, I was wrong, Please Stop oh your highness!!” The last part was a scream as Jay believed his finger would be ripped off by this killer Kim.

“Ma’am would have worked,” Kim sneered as she let the blubbering baby loose.

Jay left as Abi and Epster walked in. “Girls we have to go soon, these sandwiches are overdue!”

The 5 girls toiled away and got them all packed up and bagged. Bekah pulled Kim and Carrie aside.. “Kim won what?”

Kim laughed as Carrie groaned an answer. “I said I had more self-control than Kim did.. I didn’t, now I have to Kiss Matt tonight at the dance. For 5 seconds!!:

Quiet time 61-70

2009-01-18T11:47:00.000-08:00

Honestly, I have been having a massive struggle.. I wanted to do something I knew was not right.. and I tried to do it.. but I couldn't... yah God wouldn't let me.. after a good night of sleep and some home cooking.. :P Yes I cooked, I see things a little more clearly. I need to be a witness as a Christian. Some people I have come in contact with could say that I have not acted as a Christian. That's a shame.

Romans 13: 1Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. 2Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. 3For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: 4For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil. 5Wherefore ye must needs be subject, not only for wrath, but also for conscience sake. 6For for this cause pay ye tribute also: for they are God's ministers, attending continually upon this very thing. 7Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour.
Honestly I don't trust our leadership. I tend to trust only the people I know. I don't trust those in leadership I don't know them and I don't trust them to take care of me when they are so crooked. Cops, politicians and everyone thrown in. I don't and have a hard time to put my trust in them.
I have to be subject to them though. I need to respec them. I do respect the cops and the president and those in authority but I don't trutst them.. I may not be doing what is right.. but I don't like the system. It's hard to see that they are the ministers of God.

10Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. 14She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. 15She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 18She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. 19She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 21She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. 23Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. 24She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 25Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 26She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 27She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. 28Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. 30Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. 31Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
This is my Mom. She isn't the prettiest lady out there but her heart. I have seen her show compassion to people at the grocery store that she barely knows. She takes time to cook, clean, and care. She has run alot of our dog business. She is going to be married to my dad for 25 years and people do envy my dad. SHe sews, and does alot with her hands. My mom is this.
New years Resolutions.. the things we all make.. and all don't do them.. so I'm going to make some and keep them. This year I want to eat.. sleep and do some workouts...
Ha, no I want to do something more.. I want to do pt every day.. better get on it... ughn :P I want to live holily and justly and unblameably b4 man and God. I want to get PTx twice this next semester. so on and so forth.
The thing is that you can make all kinds of resolves and decide to make new choices.. but unless you really deeply throw out the things that pull you away and make a heart change, you aren't changing.. so don't make superficial changes.. they won't last trust me.. It's like ALERT.. we learn all these disciplines... and we look like the best thing since buttered bread.. now look at us 5 years later.. the only ones who look the same are the ones who took them to heart. Let us take God to heart and do His will this year. Pray for your loved ones and friends that they will do the same.
1O LORD, our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens. 2Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger.3When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained; 4What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? 5For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour. 6Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet: 7All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field; 8The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas. 9O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth!

Let us Praise Him... go outside and take some time to worship the Creator.
Psalms 11:1In the LORD put I my trust: how say ye to my soul, Flee as a bird to your mountain? 2For, lo, the wicked bend their bow, they make ready their arrow upon the string, that they may privily shoot at the upright in heart.
When all around my soul gives way then he is my hope and stay. it seems that there are those out there who would want me to stumble and fall. I need to put my trust in God and live for him... How will you live? I think I live more trying to please others than living my life in God's will.
Psalms 16:1Preserve me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust. 2O my soul, thou hast said unto the LORD, Thou art my Lord: my goodness extendeth not to thee; 3But to the saints that are in the earth, and to the excellent, in whom is all my delight. 4Their sorrows shall be multiplied that hasten after another god: their drink offerings of blood will I not offer, nor take up their names into my lips. 5The LORD is the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup: thou maintainest my lot. 6The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places; yea, I have a goodly heritage. 7I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons. 8I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. 9Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope. 10For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption. 11Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

Who is our focus? Do you make God your focus? At any part of the day... or even at all? Or do you set aside a little "God time" and the rest is yours? You pray some... read some, talk some, maybe witness some... but do you live Him? When you do, others can tell it. Think of your friends.. is there one who seems to always be God focused? Not that they sit home and fold their hands in their life.. but that they have more to thme, that you can see the passion. I can think of several. Honestly I think I set aside "God time" Let us live all For Him..

Psalms17: 6I have called upon thee, for thou wilt hear me, O God: incline thine ear unto me, and hear my speech. 7Shew thy marvellous lovingkindness, O thou that savest by thy right hand them which put their trust in thee from those that rise up against them. 8Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings,

Do you have problems? Like.. serious problems...... that you can't seem to shake.. Well good news! I'm selling something that fixes all your problems.. you can reach me.. it's only 75.99.... plus 15$ for S&H..

Well haha, don't really buy it... When you have problems, what do you do? Do you turn to yourself? or others.. maybe you tell people, we should all at the first sign of trouble turn to God. He happens to be a good fixerupper.

Psalm 19:

9The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether. 10More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. 11Moreover by them is thy servant warned: and in keeping of them there is great reward. 12Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults. 13Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression. 14Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

This is it. Oh I want to keep away from sims, I want that badly.. if i didn't sin I wouldn't have any problems at all. But I need to focus on God and seek his will. I want to move on from my faults both public and my secret ones. Even though I do like them for a little bit.

Romans13:11And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed. 12The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light. 13Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying. 14But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.

Here's one of the most important passages I think in the new testament. Knowing the time it's time to WAKE UP, the day of His return is near! Our leisure time is nearing the end, throw off our sins, our comfortable, little sins. Let us not live as sinners, worldy people.but as men and women living anew.... not wasting our time away but making the most of it. Let us put on God and crucify our flesh.

God bless you all and may you live for the morning.
Psalsm 22:1My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring? 2O my God, I cry in the day time, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent. 3But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel. 4Our fathers trusted in thee: they trusted, and thou didst deliver them. 5They cried unto thee, and were delivered: they trusted in thee, and were not confounded. 6But I am a worm, and no man; a reproach of men, and despised of the people. 7All they that see me laugh me to scorn: they shoot out the lip, they shake the head, saying, 8He trusted on the LORD that he would deliver him: let him deliver him, seeing he delighted in him. 9But thou art he that took me out of the womb: thou didst make me hope when I was upon my mother's breasts. 10I was cast upon thee from the womb: thou art my God from my mother's belly. 11Be not far from me; for trouble is near; for there is none to help. 12Many bulls have compassed me: strong bulls of Bashan have beset me round. 13They gaped upon me with their mouths, as a ravening and a roaring lion. 14I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint: my heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels. 15My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; and thou hast brought me into the dust of death. 16For dogs have compassed me: the assembly of the wicked have inclosed me: they pierced my hands and my feet. 17I may tell all my bones: they look and stare upon me. 18They part my garments among them, and cast lots upon my vesture. 19But be not thou far from me, O LORD: O my strength, haste thee to help me. 20Deliver my soul from the sword; my darling from the power of the dog. 21Save me from the lion's mouth: for thou hast heard me from the horns of the unicorns. 22I will declare thy name unto my brethren: in the midst of the congregation will I praise thee. 23Ye that fear the LORD, praise him; all ye the seed of Jacob, glorify him; and fear him, all ye the seed of Israel. 24For he hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath he hid his face from him; but when he cried unto him, he heard. 25My praise shall be of thee in the great congregation: I will pay my vows before them that fear him. 26The meek shall eat and be satisfied: they shall praise the LORD that seek him: your heart shall live for ever. 27All the ends of the world shall remember and turn unto the LORD: and all the kindreds of the nations shall worship before thee. 28For the kingdom is the LORD's: and he is the governor among the nations. 29All they that be fat upon earth shall eat and worship: all they that go down to the dust shall bow before him: and none can keep alive his own soul. 30A seed shall serve him; it shall be accounted to the Lord for a generation. 31They shall come, and shall declare his righteousness unto a people that shall be born, that he hath done this.

It really looks like David had his hands full. He had all these people out ot kill him yet you see his response. Lord I am weak, my enemies are many but you are strong. Lord Help me. No problem, we all pray when we are in trouble eh? However, David does something extraordinary. He praises God for all he has done and will do. God has saved us before,God will save us, let us declare His name. If we let our problems dictate what we think about God. Our smal problems, we have a small God. David had a big God. His problems were in GOd;s hands. When we say we can fix our problems or we worry and don;t trust God with our problems we have a small God. How big is your God?

Psalms 23:1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Is your God big or little? My God is big enough, He loves me, satisfies my needs, gives me rest in abundance, keeps me physically safe, spiritually sound, leads me in His path. When death is near, God is nearer. You give me sucess over those who try to destroy me, you bless me beyond words. As Long as i stay in Your will and your ways, true peace is with me.

Proverbs 5: 1My son, attend unto my wisdom, and bow thine ear to my understanding: 2That thou mayest regard discretion, and that thy lips may keep knowledge. 3For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: 4But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. 5Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell. 6Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them. 7Hear me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of my mouth. 8Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house: 9Lest thou give thine honour unto others, and thy years unto the cruel:10Lest strangers be filled with thy wealth; and thy labours be in the house of a stranger; 11And thou mourn at the last, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed, 12And say, How have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof; 13And have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined mine ear to them that instructed me! 14I was almost in all evil in the midst of the congregation and assembly. 15Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. 16Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. 17Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee. 18Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. 20And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? 21For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings. 22His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins. 23He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.

Back in the day.. oh 1945 or so even as late as 1970, when you said strange woman, every knew you ment a certian type of person.the distinction is not so clear now.Who is a strange woman? who is the seductress portrayed here? Those of you who are girls.. I got bad news. It could be you. I am by no means saying you actually say or do these things portrayed here in Proverbs. But you don't have to say anything to lure men aside. I bet most of you when you read this are thinking.. Oh no..is he actually going to give advice to girls on clothes? Yes I am. It's very important how you dress. A picture says a thousand words, what you do and wear says more than your words. I am not saying that if a guy has problems that it is just the girls faults. We as men are responsible for what we say, do, and think. You could make it easier for us though.

Romans 13: 8Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. 9For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. 10Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.
This is very key. Why does God say do this do that? In the OT there are so may rules you can't swing a dead cat. Literally. What is the point of all these laws? We hear alot, oh that's OT, I'm living NT. No, it shouldn't be that way. We need to be the whole bible. It is important to obey the spirit of the Bible. The spirit of the law is the same as the spirit Jesus was talking about... it's about love.
May you love oneanother as we love ourselves. God bless
Today is a milestone. Today something changed and I started something new. What am I going to do that is different this time. What can I do differently. So like any other time I need direction I look to the map.

Romans 14: 1Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations. 2For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs. 3Let not him that eateth despise him that eateth not; and let not him which eateth not judge him that eateth: for God hath received him. 4Who art thou that judgest another man's servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand. 5One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind. 6He that regardeth the day, regardeth it unto the Lord; and he that regardeth not the day, to the Lord he doth not regard it. He that eateth, eateth to the Lord, for he giveth God thanks; and he that eateth not, to the Lord he eateth not, and giveth God thanks. 7For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself. 8For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's. 9For to this end Christ both died, and rose, and revived, that he might be Lord both of the dead and living. 10But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.

You've seen him.. we all know him, the brother who is so sensitive. He shrinks at what most of us are comfortable with. what do we do? Often we continue doing what we want w/o thought of others. I need to focus on loving others more than I love myself. then as Christians do we point and judge our weaker brethren? Or do we help others?

Psalms 31: 22For I said in my haste, I am cut off from before thine eyes: nevertheless thou heardest the voice of my supplications when I cried unto thee. 23O love the LORD, all ye his saints: for the LORD preserveth the faithful, and plentifully rewardeth the proud doer. 24Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

Be of Good courage, God rewardeth the faithful and the proud doer.Too often I give up easily. May we stay the course.

Psalms 32:1Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. 2Blessed is the man unto whom the LORD imputeth not iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no guile. 3When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long. 4For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer. Selah. 5I acknowledge my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah. 6For this shall every one that is godly pray unto thee in a time when thou mayest be found: surely in the floods of great waters they shall not come nigh unto him. 7Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah. 8I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye. 9Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto thee. 10Many sorrows shall be to the wicked: but he that trusteth in the LORD, mercy shall compass him about. 11Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, ye righteous: and shout for joy, all ye that are upright in heart.

The strength of sin is in its secrecy. You can move on from your sin in your past.. but only after you confess it and repent.You can't ask God's pardon if you don't admit you did it in the first place and that it needs pardon.

Psalms 34:12What man is he that desireth life, and loveth many days, that he may see good? 13Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. 14Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.

Let us seek peace with our mouths.. It's too easy to stumble in that area for me. Well maybe most of yu don't have any problem with your mouth but I do... it says the stupidest things sometimes.. almost all my problems have come from my mouth.
Hebrews 2: 1Therefore we ought to give the more earnest heed to the things which we have heard, lest at any time we should let them slip. 2For if the word spoken by angels was stedfast, and every transgression and disobedience received a just recompence of reward; 3How shall we escape, if we neglect so great salvation; which at the first began to be spoken by the Lord, and was confirmed unto us by them that heard him; Hebrews:4: 8Harden not your hearts, as in the provocation, in the day of temptation in the wilderness: 9When your fathers tempted me, proved me, and saw my works forty years. 10Wherefore I was grieved with that generation, and said, They do alway err in their heart; and they have not known my ways.

I've done this b4... I have neglected what I know is right because I like to do other things.. prayer for example. It's easy to let it slip aside in search of more entertaining things. However if we neglect the most important things.. such as belief, your faith, your salvation, you stand to lose so much. Live For God, trust Him, learn to depend on Him day by day. Don't harden your hearts when trials arise.. get on your knees, let us learn from the Israelites. God is so merciful to us.. we live with so many blessings, ;et us look past the stuff to Him.

Psalms 38: 1O Lord, rebuke me not in thy wrath: neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure. 2For thine arrows stick fast in me, and thy hand presseth me sore. 3There is no soundness in my flesh because of thine anger; neither is there any rest in my bones because of my sin. 4For mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as an heavy burden they are too heavy for me. 5My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness. 6I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long. 7For my loins are filled with a loathsome disease: and there is no soundness in my flesh. 8I am feeble and sore broken: I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart. 9Lord, all my desire is before thee; and my groaning is not hid from thee. 10My heart panteth, my strength faileth me: as for the light of mine eyes, it also is gone from me. 11My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore; and my kinsmen stand afar off. 12They also that seek after my life lay snares for me: and they that seek my hurt speak mischievous things, and imagine deceits all the day long. 13But I, as a deaf man, heard not; and I was as a dumb man that openeth not his mouth. 14Thus I was as a man that heareth not, and in whose mouth are no reproofs. 15For in thee, O LORD, do I hope: thou wilt hear, O Lord my God. 16For I said, Hear me, lest otherwise they should rejoice over me: when my foot slippeth, they magnify themselves against me. 17For I am ready to halt, and my sorrow is continually before me. 18For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin. 19But mine enemies are lively, and they are strong: and they that hate me wrongfully are multiplied. 20They also that render evil for good are mine adversaries; because I follow the thing that good is. 21Forsake me not, O LORD: O my God, be not far from me. 22Make haste to help me, O Lord my salvation.

I heard a preacher on the radio.. what is repentance? What is remorse? Remorse is loving your sin and hating yourself for doing it. Repentance is hating your sin cause you love your Saviour. David hates his sin. I need to hate it too. The only way I can start to hate my sin is to grow closer to God. As I grow closer to god I hate what He hates, love what he loves. Part of that is to Focus on Him. talk about Him, read his word, meditate on it, Listen to it. I want to be a Christian 24/7. Not just on Sunday and Wednesday night and when I am sleeping. Let me be a light on a hill.. May you all be a light on a hill, I sure can see it.

Psalms40:1I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. 2He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. 3And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.

What do you do when you get in a fix? I tend to try and fix it my way.. to pull myself out by my bootstraps.. part of being a man is being capable and wanting to fix stuff. One of the downsides is that i am impatient and I rush off halfcocked. Wait on the Lord and he will renew your strength, you will run and not be tired... you will soar on wings like eagles. God is better able to pull us out of our fixes than we are.. he establishes out paths and all we have to do is follow his guide like a sheep follows his shepherd. I have been memorizing 1 Thessolonians. As I go through it alot stands out.

I Thess:1Paul, and Silvanus, and Timotheus, unto the church of the Thessalonians which is in God the Father and in the Lord Jesus Christ: Grace be unto you, and peace, from God our Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ. 2We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers; 3Remembering without ceasing your work of faith, and labour of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ, in the sight of God and our Father; 4Knowing, brethren beloved, your election of God. 5For our gospel came not unto you in word only, but also in power, and in the Holy Ghost, and in much assurance; as ye know what manner of men we were among you for your sake. 6And ye became followers of us, and of the Lord, having received the word in much affliction, with joy of the Holy Ghost. 7So that ye were ensamples to all that believe in Macedonia and Achaia. 8For from you sounded out the word of the Lord not only in Macedonia and Achaia, but also in every place your faith to God-ward is spread abroad; so that we need not to speak any thing. 9For they themselves shew of us what manner of entering in we had unto you, and how ye turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God; 10And to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead, even Jesus, which delivered us from the wrath to come. 1 Thessalonians 2:1For yourselves, brethren, know our entrance in unto you, that it was not in vain: 2But even after that we had suffered before, and were shamefully entreated, as ye know, at Philippi, we were bold in our God to speak unto you the gospel of God with much contention. 3For our exhortation was not of deceit, nor of uncleanness, nor in guile: 4But as we were allowed of God to be put in trust with the gospel, even so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, which trieth our hearts. 5For neither at any time used we flattering words, as ye know, nor a cloke of covetousness; God is witness: 6Nor of men sought we glory, neither of you, nor yet of others, when we might have been burdensome, as the apostles of Christ. 7But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children: 8So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us. 9For ye remember, brethren, our labour and travail: for labouring night and day, because we would not be chargeable unto any of you, we preached unto you the gospel of God. 10Ye are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe: 11As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children, 12That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory. 13For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe. 14For ye, brethren, became followers of the churches of God which in Judaea are in Christ Jesus: for ye also have suffered like things of your own countrymen, even as they have of the Jews: 15Who both killed the Lord Jesus, and their own prophets, and have persecuted us; and they please not God, and are contrary to all men: 16Forbidding us to speak to the Gentiles that they might be saved, to fill up their sins alway: for the wrath is come upon them to the uttermost. 17But we, brethren, being taken from you for a short time in presence, not in heart, endeavoured the more abundantly to see your face with great desire. 18Wherefore we would have come unto you, even I Paul, once and again; but Satan hindered us. 19For what is our hope, or joy, or crown of rejoicing? Are not even ye in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at his coming? 20For ye are our glory and joy.
As I go over this I see the love that the believers have for each other. They long for each other, they are encouraging each other. Despite the persecution, they stand strong and remind each other of the Faith and example of Jesus.
All around us people are needing aid. They are weak.. suffering and need much aid. What is sad is that they are our brothers and sisters. To often we forget that they need s or we ignore them. Can you encourage those around you? Can you say that other Christians are your glory and your joy? I can't. I'm trying.. but I am not.
Let us lift up our brothers and sisters and stand triumphant. We may lose some battles.. but we have won the war!
DO I have character? I am afraid I have far less than I should. I do not do the right thing because it is the right thing, I do what I do because I want to do it. I do not Love God and Hate evil. I truly need to seek God and grow close to Him. Proverbs 9: 9Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning. 10The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.

Do I fear God? DO I even love Him? Or is he soem vague entity that has insured my eternal salvation... Psalm 42:1As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. 2My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God: when shall I come and appear before God? Do I seek Him? Do I want him? Is knowing and being with God a need?
What do I put first in my life? What do I spend the most time doing?

Hebrews 4:1Let us therefore fear, lest, a promise being left us of entering into his rest, any of you should seem to come short of it. 2For unto us was the gospel preached, as well as unto them: but the word preached did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard it. 3For we which have believed do enter into rest, as he said, As I have sworn in my wrath, if they shall enter into my rest: although the works were finished from the foundation of the world. 4For he spake in a certain place of the seventh day on this wise, And God did rest the seventh day from all his works. 5And in this place again, If they shall enter into my rest. 6Seeing therefore it remaineth that some must enter therein, and they to whom it was first preached entered not in because of unbelief: 7Again, he limiteth a certain day, saying in David, To day, after so long a time; as it is said, To day if ye will hear his voice, harden not your hearts. 8For if Jesus had given them rest, then would he not afterward have spoken of another day. 9There remaineth therefore a rest to the people of God. 10For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his. 11Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief. 12For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. 13Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do. 14Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. 15For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. 16Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

I may be wrong.. but what I think this is saying is that God didn't take away his salvation from the Jews.. but that he has opened it up to all of us. But it's not a punishment to the Jews, they are still his beloved. Therefore we have an eternal hope! THis is truly awesome. God is never going to take away our rest. I sure need one

Quiet time 51-60

2009-01-18T11:30:00.000-08:00

Romans 10: 1Brethren, my heart's desire and prayer to God for Israel is, that they might be saved. 2For I bear them record that they have a zeal of God, but not according to knowledge. 3For they being ignorant of God's righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of God. 4For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth.

What is my hearts desire?? Is it to see the lost saved?? No, I think not... I want to be satisfied... I want to get my life straightened. Anywho..
What Paul is saying is that the Children of Israel have a passion for God and the law... and they seek to please God but they are misdirected... they feel as I have felt that I need to do something to be worthy of God's favor and forgiveness. In trying to gain our own righteousness we neglect the righteousness of God that is there to cover me anyways.

Psalms 101: 3I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me. 4A froward heart shall depart from me: I will not know a wicked person.

Part of being a Christian is the desire to be closer to God and neglecting the things of this world, the sinful things. Let me put no wickedness b4 mine eyes. Let us put Christ b4 our eyes.

Psalms 102: 27But Thou art the same, and thy years shall have no end.

hehe.. I like security and here it is... God is the same... and he doesn't ever die or kick the bucket or w/e. he is always here for me.
Let us pray for the lost.. Seek God, put no wickedness b4 us, and look to God.
Romans 10: 9That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. 10For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.

Psalms 106: 6We have sinned with our fathers, we have committed iniquity, we have done wickedly.

Proverbs22:29Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men.

I had someone ask me... How do you get to heaven? I replied.. you have to be dead.
What do you have to do to be saved?
I see that we need to realize our sins... and then confess them. Believe on Jesus and act. We won't be ashamed... I see that.. often that last part. I don't have to be ashamed anymore.. I am free.
Now I need to be bold and diligent.. being diligent is hard... often.
May you all be diligent and bold.
Romans 10:14How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?

15And how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!

16But they have not all obeyed the gospel. For Esaias saith, Lord, who hath believed our report?

17So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

18But I say, Have they not heard? Yes verily, their sound went into all the earth, and their words unto the ends of the world.

Do I believe? I do. Do you believe? If you have and I think so, who have I told, who have you told?

I personally think that feet are nasty.. but that is another story for another time. Ok I think girls feet are nicer than guys... most of the time. But as we go out into the world.. walking on our feet, using our feet. They will get nasty, they will get bruised, they will be broken. In Basic, I saw feet that were broken, bruised and nasty. Yet we pushed on, We did that for a short time. Our feet got better. But during that 9 weeks our feet were nasty, I thought so as well. But to think that feet like that are beautiful... that is um beyond me. But it is true.. when that happens in the name of God. THose people are truly Beautiful.
Psalms 111: 1Praise ye the LORD. I will praise the LORD with my whole heart, in the assembly of the upright, and in the congregation.

2The works of the LORD are great, sought out of all them that have pleasure therein.

3His work is honourable and glorious: and his righteousness endureth for ever.

4He hath made his wonderful works to be remembered: the LORD is gracious and full of compassion.

5He hath given meat unto them that fear him: he will ever be mindful of his covenant.

6He hath shewed his people the power of his works, that he may give them the heritage of the heathen.

7The works of his hands are verity and judgment; all his commandments are sure.

8They stand fast for ever and ever, and are done in truth and uprightness.

9He sent redemption unto his people: he hath commanded his covenant for ever: holy and reverend is his name.

10The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.

Psalms 114: 7Tremble, thou earth, at the presence of the Lord, at the presence of the God of Jacob;

As I read the Psalms, i see how important it is to praise God. How it seems like David couldn't help it... His praise was an just an effusion of his soul. What does my soul really say? As I get to know God I can't contain my excitement. God is something so awesome, that words can not but hint at it.

Proverbs 23: 17Let not thine heart envy sinners: but be thou in the fear of the LORD all the day long.

I saw a Fox news broadcast where they were talking about some mogul who had made millions off of exploiting gullible girls. The man has everything now that he could ever want.. or so it seems. it is easy to want to have what he has. He is clearly wicked. He will never have the one thing I can have. Eternal Peace. I fear God. Not as much as I should but I think I am started.

May you all fear God, seek, praise Him, and Serve Him.

Romans 10: 7What then? Israel hath not obtained that which he seeketh for; but the election hath obtained it, and the rest were blinded. 8(According as it is written, God hath given them the spirit of slumber, eyes that they should not see, and ears that they should not hear;) unto this day. 9And David saith, Let their table be made a snare, and a trap, and a stumblingblock, and a recompence unto them: 10Let their eyes be darkened, that they may not see, and bow down their back alway. 11I say then, Have they stumbled that they should fall? God forbid: but rather through their fall salvation is come unto the Gentiles, for to provoke them to jealousy.
We have only been chosen because the chosen ones, the Jews, had not accepted Christ as the Saviour. It's not that they were made to stumble and fall. It's that God earnestly desires all men to be saved, however we all have a free choice. I am not dead sure but I think this passage is saying that there is an elect and that we were chosen only because others had first choice and chose not. We should rejoice though that God saw fit to extend the hand of mercy to the Gentiles as well.
12Now if the fall of them be the riches of the world, and the diminishing of them the riches of the Gentiles; how much more their fulness? 13For I speak to you Gentiles, inasmuch as I am the apostle of the Gentiles, I magnify mine office: 14If by any means I may provoke to emulation them which are my flesh, and might save some of them. 15For if the casting away of them be the reconciling of the world, what shall the receiving of them be, but life from the dead? 16For if the firstfruit be holy, the lump is also holy: and if the root be holy, so are the branches. 17And if some of the branches be broken off, and thou, being a wild olive tree, wert grafted in among them, and with them partakest of the root and fatness of the olive tree; 18Boast not against the branches. But if thou boast, thou bearest not the root, but the root thee. 19Thou wilt say then, The branches were broken off, that I might be grafted in. 20Well; because of unbelief they were broken off, and thou standest by faith. Be not highminded, but fear: 21For if God spared not the natural branches, take heed lest he also spare not thee.
We have been accepted as the children of God not that we have a guareentee that we are the chosen ones to do God's will. God will never take away our salvation, but He will take away our guarantee.
22Behold therefore the goodness and severity of God: on them which fell, severity; but toward thee, goodness, if thou continue in his goodness: otherwise thou also shalt be cut off. 23 And they also, if they abide not still in unbelief, shall be grafted in: for God is able to graft them in again. 24For if thou wert cut out of the olive tree which is wild by nature, and wert grafted contrary to nature into a good olive tree: how much more shall these, which be the natural branches, be grafted into their own olive tree? 25For I would not, brethren, that ye should be ignorant of this mystery, lest ye should be wise in your own conceits; that blindness in part is happened to Israel, until the fulness of the Gentiles be come in. 26And so all Israel shall be saved: as it is written, There shall come out of Sion the Deliverer, and shall turn away ungodliness from Jacob: 27For this is my covenant unto them, when I shall take away their sins. concerning the gospel, they are enemies for your sakes: but as touching the election, they are beloved for the father's sakes.
Even though the Jews have rejected God as a nation, God has not rejected his people. he loves the Jews as a mother loves her firstborn. He will save them again. I find this amazing that God has such a love for them. That is what is so amazing, it's awe inspiring.
29For the gifts and calling of God are without repentance. 30For as ye in times past have not believed God, yet have now obtained mercy through their unbelief: 31Even so have these also now not believed, that through your mercy they also may obtain mercy. 32For God hath concluded them all in unbelief, that he might have mercy upon all. 33O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out! 34For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counsellor? 35Or who hath first given to him, and it shall be recompensed unto him again? 36For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen.
After all this... we see that as confusing as this is that God's thoughts are confusing. They are beyond our understanding or imagining. God is indeed beyond us.

Proverbs 24:10If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small. 11If thou forbear to deliver them that are drawn unto death, and those that are ready to be slain; 12If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not he that pondereth the heart consider it? and he that keepeth thy soul, doth not he know it? and shall not he render to every man according to his works?
Haha, this passage is for us guys methinks. Anyway... it isn't just important that we stay strong but that we also need to reach out and save those who are in need.
Romans 11: 1I say then, Hath God cast away his people? God forbid. For I also am an Israelite, of the seed of Abraham, of the tribe of Benjamin. 2God hath not cast away his people which he foreknew. Wot ye not what the scripture saith of Elias? how he maketh intercession to God against Israel saying, 3Lord, they have killed thy prophets, and digged down thine altars; and I am left alone, and they seek my life. 4But what saith the answer of God unto him? I have reserved to myself seven thousand men, who have not bowed the knee to the image of Baal. 5Even so then at this present time also there is a remnant according to the election of grace. 6And if by grace, then is it no more of works: otherwise grace is no more grace. But if it be of works, then it is no more grace: otherwise work is no more work. 7What then? Israel hath not obtained that which he seeketh for; but the election hath obtained it, and the rest were blinded. 8(According as it is written, God hath given them the spirit of slumber, eyes that they should not see, and ears that they should not hear;) unto this day.

God is reserving some as a witness. As we see the Church today, and it's apathy..w e also see that there is a faithful few. Those who are dedicated all the time. as Christians we have a choice... and i see my choice. Will I follow God.. or will I do what makes me happy. With that I sign out to go do what I should do.
What must I do to be forgiven? Will I ever be forgiven? Will those I've hurt and been involved with ever stop blaming me for it? Will they ever forgive me? Will I ever be able to move on? Will I ever forgive myself?
I think not.... It is hard to face the unknown with baggage. I guess this is when I have to look beyond myself and my problems to God. God forgives. I have to accept it though. I am not sure I can. I feel I must earn it in some way. I know I can never earn forgiveness. I am afraid that I am never going to be made whole again. I don't want much. I just want to be made whole, to be at peace with God and others.

Romans 11:33O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out! 34For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counsellor? 35Or who hath first given to him, and it shall be recompensed unto him again?

Who does know the mind of God? Who can tell? He is beyond finding out and searching. I am searching the will and ways of God. I will never find out though even a hint of the depth of God.

As I read through the Psalms it seemed to say that God forgives and that it is time to move on. That God is forgiving and merciful. That it is time to rejoice and enjoy God. God has forgiven me but I need to forgive myself now. I have cried out. I have mourned. I am needy. God is there. God is here for me. I need to accept him now.
May you find what you seek In God.

Psalms 139:1O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. 2Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. 3Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. 4For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. 5Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.

God knows me, I am all his, there is nothing I can do to hide from God, He is there for me. I am always going to be there in the place where God sees me and cares for me.

6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. 7Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? 8If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. 9If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; 10Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. 11If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. 12Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. 13For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. 14I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. 15My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. 17How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! 18If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. 19Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men. 20For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain. 21Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee? 22I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. 23Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: 24And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

This is truly an awesome psalm.I see that God alone is the one who can defend me and clean me. The more I get to know God, the less I understand him.
Today I am going to speak about relationships. No Not guy/girl stuff... that's too complicated.. at least the girl part is. 'Sides, I hate mushy stuff.
Friends.. people you laugh with, cry wiht, watch stupid movies with, talk with.. they can make your day. However as social mammals.. we can depend too much upon them..

Psalms 141: 3Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips. 4Incline not my heart to any evil thing, to practise wicked works with men that work iniquity: and let me not eat of their dainties. 5Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head: for yet my prayer also shall be in their calamities.
As I have worked with people, I see what I say is what can destroy a friendship. A friendship that is founded on words though. What are our friends? Are they companions on our journey of life? Are they fickle friends that you have to cultivate? Are they there for you despite what you may do? What kind of a friend are you? What kind of a friend am I? Choose your friends.. they mold you

Psalms 142:4I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul. 5I cried unto thee, O LORD: I said, Thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living.
THis is truly sad, but true. Eventually you will reach the place like David when you can only depend on God. David reached it sooner than later. He had to depend on someone who was more powerful and capable than himself. As the King.. that meant one person. God. Who do you depend upon in time of trouble? Have you thanked them recently?

Psalms 143:4Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate. 5I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands. 6I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul thirsteth after thee, as a thirsty land. Selah. 7Hear me speedily, O LORD: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit. 8Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee. 9Deliver me, O LORD, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me. 10Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness. 11Quicken me, O LORD, for thy name's sake: for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble.
Be there for your friends. But depend upon God. He alone has said I will never leave nor forsake you.
1The words of Agur the son of Jakeh, even the prophecy: the man spake unto Ithiel, even unto Ithiel and Ucal, 2Surely I am more brutish than any man, and have not the understanding of a man. 3I neither learned wisdom, nor have the knowledge of the holy.
Agur a king, first off acknowledged that he was not wise nor holy. He was being humble and saying I know I am no priest nor wise man, I'm a rough character.

4Who hath ascended up into heaven, or descended? who hath gathered the wind in his fists? who hath bound the waters in a garment? who hath established all the ends of the earth? what is his name, and what is his son's name, if thou canst tell? 5Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him. 6Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

This is good, He doesn't say.. I'm Agur 13rth king of _____, I have killed 75 men by my own hand in battle... he says.. Who made us? Who formed the earth with his idle time? What is His name? Don't add to what He says.. He is a Mighty protector

7Two things have I required of thee; deny me them not before I die: 8Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me: 9Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the LORD? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain.

I think this is where we as Christians, where I have fallen short. It's Dec 30, 6 days ago alot of us were thinking about what we would be getting... we were thinking alot about us. When we have everything we want, Americans do... who needs God? We have the almighty dollar to help us along. Put not your trust in Horses, nor in man , nor in riches. Yet Agur asks to not be so poor that he steals to survive. Agur is truly wise.. he asks for barely enough to keep him safe but not too much so he has to look to God for his sustenance.

10Accuse not a servant unto his master, lest he curse thee, and thou be found guilty. 11There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother. 12There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness. 13There is a generation, O how lofty are their eyes! and their eyelids are lifted up. 14There is a generation, whose teeth are as swords, and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy from among men. 15The horseleach hath two daughters, crying, Give, give. There are three things that are never satisfied, yea, four things say not, It is enough: 16The grave; and the barren womb; the earth that is not filled with water; and the fire that saith not, It is enough. 17The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it.

This is what Agur is noticing as he ages... the world is changing, people are getting worse, the youth are rebelling. he warns them, compares them to nasty ends. Do we warn those who are falling? Do I when I meet an lees than honerable character preach God to Him/her? What do I do?

18There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not: 19The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid. 20Such is the way of an adulterous woman; she eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith, I have done no wickedness. 21For three things the earth is disquieted, and for four which it cannot bear: 22For a servant when he reigneth; and a fool when he is filled with meat; 23For an odious woman when she is married; and an handmaid that is heir to her mistress. 24There be four things which are little upon the earth, but they are exceeding wise: 25The ants are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the summer; 26The conies are but a feeble folk, yet make they their houses in the rocks; 27The locusts have no king, yet go they forth all of them by bands; 28The spider taketh hold with her hands, and is in kings' palaces. 29There be three things which go well, yea, four are comely in going: 30A lion which is strongest among beasts, and turneth not away for any; 31A greyhound; an he goat also; and a king, against whom there is no rising up.

As agur has grown old he has noticed some things that we can learn alot from, either as a warning or as character development. Be diligent to be a good steward, make a firm foundation, be thrifty, strong, somewhat stubborn, swift and firm. Beware the fools, the vindictive, and the women with a chip on their shoulder.. maybe even plain avoid nasty women who aren't married. :D Yet glory at the things God has made that we can't seem to understand, how something heavy can stay up in the heavens, something little can moves so fast without legs, currents, and love.. and no comment on the love.

32If thou hast done foolishly in lifting up thyself, or if thou hast thought evil, lay thine hand upon thy mouth. 33Surely the churning of milk bringeth forth butter, and the wringing of the nose bringeth forth blood: so the forcing of wrath bringeth forth strife.

Please pray for me that I will lay my hand on my mouth. It is not what I think that is so bad... it is what I say that condemns me.

Romans 12:17Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. 18If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. 19Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. 20Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. 21Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

this is so important. When you suffer from people, do not hurt them back, reach out and show the love of God to them. Bless them with agape love

Quiet times 41-50

2009-01-18T10:38:00.000-08:00

What is the goal of my life as a Christian? Am I fulfilling it? I think this is it. Do I want to walk in Christ, in the newness of life? Or am I wanting to walk in my flesh? Am I walking in my flesh and saying that my grace abounds to cover my sin? Am I walking in life trusting in God? I know I am not. It is against my desire to live in my flesh, I feel the otherworldly pull to be better than I am. Yet I feel the pull of this world to sate on entertainment and selfish desires. I don't think I have a choice. I am called to serve God, I have been bought with a price. I am called to serve Him and not me. Now will I be a faithful servant or not?
Romans 6

1What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? 2God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein? 3Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death? 4Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.
What will you be?

I wish I could say that I am right before God and man. That I am free of iniquity. That my tongue and heart are pure. Well it gives me something to look forward to. I have a goal. To live for Christ. Let me encourage you all to live for Christ and guard your mouth. God bless.

11So that a man shall say, Verily there is a reward for the righteous: verily he is a God that judgeth in the earth.

Romans6:16Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? 17But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. 18Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness.

Let us live as a servant of righteousness. God bless

Psalm 63

1O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is; 2To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary. 3Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee. 4Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name. 5My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips: 6When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches. 7Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice. 8My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me. 9But those that seek my soul, to destroy it, shall go into the lower parts of the earth. 10They shall fall by the sword: they shall be a portion for foxes. 11But the king shall rejoice in God; every one that sweareth by him shall glory: but the mouth of them that speak lies shall be stopped.
Honestly right now everything seems so confusing. What I thought I had going for me has vanished. God takes away what we put above Him and He humbles us. I am in the middle of a humbling experience. May i seek God when all else is unknown. May We all seek God even when everything seems known.
God bless

The Kings heart is in His hands and he turns it where ever He wills. i tend to be disgruntled with our leadership. Although they aren't Kings... which stinks. Kings got beheaded occasionally. :D
Well.... I know that isn't a great idea to kill out leaders because God controls them. They do his will and He appoints them. My disgruntlement against them is Against God.
Not always a good idea.
Pslams 73. It's not good to envy them either. If we envy the wicked we follow them.
But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.
God bless

I think this passage is clear on what some of our biggest tasks as Christians are.

1 Listen

First off listen to God's law and to others. To often I am too busy saying what I want to say to listen. I learn more when my mouth is shut.

2 Repeat the word. Just because I have heard it once doens't mean that's it. Reread the word, tell others about it. Focus on God.

3 tell them to our children. Tell not only the word but also the works. It is important to pass them them on to your children. It is great when you can learn from the examples and words of others.

4 Live a separate life. We are called to live a santified life. Not one that is similar to the world.

Ps.78 1Give ear, O my people, to my law: incline your ears to the words of my mouth. 2I will open my mouth in a parable: I will utter dark sayings of old: 3Which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. 4We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done. 5For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children: 6That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: 7That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments: 8And might not be as their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation; a generation that set not their heart aright, and whose spirit was not stedfast with God.

Ps 79:8O remember not against us former iniquities: let thy tender mercies speedily prevent us: for we are brought very low. 9Help us, O God of our salvation, for the glory of thy name: and deliver us, and purge away our sins, for thy name's sake. 10Wherefore should the heathen say, Where is their God? let him be known among the heathen in our sight by the revenging of the blood of thy servants which is shed. 11Let the sighing of the prisoner come before thee; according to the greatness of thy power preserve thou those that are appointed to die; 12And render unto our neighbours sevenfold into their bosom their reproach, wherewith they have reproached thee, O Lord 13So we thy people and sheep of thy pasture will give thee thanks for ever: we will shew forth thy praise to all generations.

Don't let us forget how God has saved us from our iniquities. We were the lowest of the low. And God has raised us to be free of our sins. As we are free we need to live so we are a witness. Let us show praise to all generations and Praise Him.

We have much to be glad for. Let us praise him
Prvbs 17:1Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife. 2A wise servant shall have rule over a son that causeth shame, and shall have part of the inheritance among the brethren. 3The fining pot is for silver, and the furnace for gold: but the LORD trieth the hearts. 14The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.

Psalms 85: 6Wilt thou not revive us again: that thy people may rejoice in thee?

Romans 8: 1There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 2For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.
Honestly I am struggling with contentment. I am wanting more than dry morsels. Yet I know when it comes time that.i can earn money that I should take the time to invest in my family and not so much time at work earning for "sacrifices". I see as I am around others from their examples how easy it is to cause strife and how hard it is to stop it. I can easily say it but it is hard to correct in my own life. I guess right now I need God. It is hard when I feel lonely. I need to rely on God and not on others. I want to be revived and to see God to love Him with a love that is beyond understanding or my depth.

I know there is no condemnation for me in Jesus Christ. I want to claim it but I doubt I can claim it. I don't feel worthy. I feel that I have to earn it in some way. That is my logic, my understanding. I know it is there, but I don't have the forgiveness of those I harmed and I feel unforgiven. I need forgiveness. Pray that I find it. And that I accept it.

proverbs 18:10The name of the LORD is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.

I need a strong tower. I am indeed feeling poor and needy.

Psalms 86:1Bow down thine ear, O LORD, hear me: for I am poor and needy. 2Preserve my soul; for I am holy: O thou my God, save thy servant that trusteth in thee. 3Be merciful unto me, O Lord: for I cry unto thee daily. 4Rejoice the soul of thy servant: for unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul. 5For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee. 6Give ear, O LORD, unto my prayer; and attend to the voice of my supplications. 7In the day of my trouble I will call upon thee: for thou wilt answer me.
May we all see how poor and needy we are and who we can turn to.
God bless

Proverbs 19:23The fear of the LORD tendeth to life: and he that hath it shall abide satisfied; he shall not be visited with evil.
Psalms 92: 5O LORD, how great are thy works! and thy thoughts are very deep.
Psalms 95:Harden not your heart, as in the provocation, and as in the day of temptation in the wilderness:
Romans 9: 1I say the truth in Christ, I lie not, my conscience also bearing me witness in the Holy Ghost, 2That I have great heaviness and continual sorrow in my heart. 3For I could wish that myself were accursed from Christ for my brethren, my kinsmen according to the flesh: 33As it is written, Behold, I lay in Sion a stumblingstone and rock of offence: and whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.
I just had these verses hit me as I was reading. Occasionally I like to take the time to stop and see what God made and revel in His creation. When I stop and look at some of what he has made and the terrors they hold... the sea when it is calm.. when it has and can unleash terrible destruction... the amazing things God has done and yet the limits he has put them on him. How you can enjoy the gentleness of a summer breeze... that could have been a hurricane. That is an amazing thing. I do believe though that I have been going through alot of continual sorrow and great heaviness. Thanks for bearing with me.

Quiet times 31-40

2009-01-18T10:11:00.000-08:00

Who am I? Am I a man of God? what do I do in my daily walk? Do I fulfill Psalms 1? Who do I listen to? Who do I walk with? Who do I sit with? Do i dleight in the Lord and meditate in Him? I should. I sure want to prosper. I want to stand.
and I sure don't want to perish

Psalm 1

1Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

2But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

3And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

4The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away.

5Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.

6For the LORD knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.

I love Handel's Messiah. It is so awe inspiring and when I read this I thguht of it. How the crucifixion played all together with the Bible. Jesus is the finish of our faith.
It's also kinda funny. we as human like to think that God can't do anything.... He doesn't allow us to laugh at Him, to think that he is a puny God.
And God laughs..
Psalm 2

1Why do the heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing?

2The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD, and against his anointed, saying,

3Let us break their bands asunder, and cast away their cords from us.

4He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the LORD shall have them in derision.

5Then shall he speak unto them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure.

6Yet have I set my king upon my holy hill of Zion.

7I will declare the decree: the LORD hath said unto me, Thou art my Son; this day have I begotten thee.

8Ask of me, and I shall give thee the heathen for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for thy possession.

9Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron; thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel.

10Be wise now therefore, O ye kings: be instructed, ye judges of the earth.

11Serve the LORD with fear, and rejoice with trembling.

12Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and ye perish from the way, when his wrath is kindled but a little. Blessed are all they that put their trust in him.

Psalm 5

1Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation.

2Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray.

3My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.

this is a huge encouragement to give God the first part of my day. To lift up my soul to God. it is the best part of my day honestly. It's also so hard to do. anyways... I hope you each have a personal time with God today.

Romans 3:9 What then? are we better than they? No, in no wise: for we have before proved both Jews and Gentiles, that they are all under sin; 10As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: 11There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. 12They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.

Of My self I am nothing.. we are filled with sin. It is important to see that w/o God we are nothing. that is a basis for my faith. I can't get close to God without Him reaching out to help me.

God bless

Dear friends, It has been so awesome to read through.i am going to paste the psalms in here and put in italics... what God seems to be saying.
Psalm 6

1O LORD, rebuke me not in thine anger, neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure. God, I have much that you could be angry at me. Please spare me from what I deserve.

2Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed. I need your aid far more than I need your punishment. I am needing your love and forgiveness?

3My soul is also sore vexed: but thou, O LORD, how long?How long must I wait to see you?

4Return, O LORD, deliver my soul: oh save me for thy mercies' sake. I need you,, my soul is overwhelmed.

5For in death there is no remembrance of thee: in the grave who shall give thee thanks?Let me dedicate my days to serving you. I know in death that I can't.serve you that I will regret that I won't have been able to serve you.

6I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.

7Mine eye is consumed because of grief; it waxeth old because of all mine enemies.i see my sin for what it truly is... I am frail and weak.

8Depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity; for the LORD hath heard the voice of my weeping.

9The LORD hath heard my supplication; the LORD will receive my prayer.

10Let all mine enemies be ashamed and sore vexed: let them return and be ashamed suddenly. However God is indeed merciful and will listen to me despite my sins! It is amazing to see what God is doing to protect me even though honestly I don't think i deserve it.
Psalm 7

1O LORD my God, in thee do I put my trust: save me from all them that persecute me, and deliver me:

2Lest he tear my soul like a lion, rending it in pieces, while there is none to deliver.

3O LORD my God, If I have done this; if there be iniquity in my hands;

4If I have rewarded evil unto him that was at peace with me; (yea, I have delivered him that without cause is mine enemy:)

5Let the enemy persecute my soul, and take it; yea, let him tread down my life upon the earth, and lay mine honour in the dust. Selah.God.. I throw myself on your mercies and your judgment. if I have acted wrongly toward my enemies... it is just what happens, but I have dealt graciously with him.

6Arise, O LORD, in thine anger, lift up thyself because of the rage of mine enemies: and awake for me to the judgment that thou hast commanded.

7So shall the congregation of the people compass thee about: for their sakes therefore return thou on high.

8The LORD shall judge the people: judge me, O LORD, according to my righteousness, and according to mine integrity that is in me.I wish I could say this. I wish I could look at God and say.. You know how innocent I am. You know I am righteous. Protect me. I can''t say that. I wish i could.

9Oh let the wickedness of the wicked come to an end; but establish the just: for the righteous God trieth the hearts and reins.

10My defence is of God, which saveth the upright in heart.

11God judgeth the righteous, and God is angry with the wicked every day.

12If he turn not, he will whet his sword; he hath bent his bow, and made it ready.

13He hath also prepared for him the instruments of death; he ordaineth his arrows against the persecutors.

14Behold, he travaileth with iniquity, and hath conceived mischief, and brought forth falsehood.

15He made a pit, and digged it, and is fallen into the ditch which he made.

16His mischief shall return upon his own head, and his violent dealing shall come down upon his own pate.

17I will praise the LORD according to his righteousness: and will sing praise to the name of the LORD most high. Not only is God merciful towards me.. He is righteous in who he punishes as well.
Psalm 8

1O LORD, our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens.

2Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger.

3When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;

4What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?

5For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.

6Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet:

7All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field;

8The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas.

9O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! God is truly awesome!! He is amazing!! He has made everything. He has also gone and placed Man over all this. We have been placed in a position of trust. Even Babes cannot but worship and praise God.
Psalm 9

1I will praise thee, O LORD, with my whole heart; I will shew forth all thy marvellous works.

2I will be glad and rejoice in thee: I will sing praise to thy name, O thou most High.

3When mine enemies are turned back, they shall fall and perish at thy presence.

4For thou hast maintained my right and my cause; thou satest in the throne judging right.

5Thou hast rebuked the heathen, thou hast destroyed the wicked, thou hast put out their name for ever and ever.

6O thou enemy, destructions are come to a perpetual end: and thou hast destroyed cities; their memorial is perished with them.

7But the LORD shall endure for ever: he hath prepared his throne for judgment.

8And he shall judge the world in righteousness, he shall minister judgment to the people in uprightness.

9The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.

10And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.

11Sing praises to the LORD, which dwelleth in Zion: declare among the people his doings.

12When he maketh inquisition for blood, he remembereth them: he forgetteth not the cry of the humble.

13Have mercy upon me, O LORD; consider my trouble which I suffer of them that hate me, thou that liftest me up from the gates of death:

14That I may shew forth all thy praise in the gates of the daughter of Zion: I will rejoice in thy salvation.

15The heathen are sunk down in the pit that they made: in the net which they hid is their own foot taken.

16The LORD is known by the judgment which he executeth: the wicked is snared in the work of his own hands. Higgaion. Selah.

17The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God. For the needy shall not always be forgotten: the expectation of the poor shall not perish for ever.

19Arise, O LORD; let not man prevail: let the heathen be judged in thy sight.

20Put them in fear, O LORD: that the nations may know themselves to be but men. Selah. no tonly is God great because he forgives.. and punishes.. but because he protects! He protects me. He has protected us all form those who would destroy us. a good example. In Indonesia.. christians like you or me.. are hunted down and hacked to deat by nuts. If it was not for God... we could be seeing the same thing here. that is somethign to truly praise God for. that we can wake up in the morning.. go to church and meet God without expecting our church to be blown up.. the men hunted down and killed or our sisters and mothers taken for wives. I don't really think about it much.. but that was also a reality in Davids time. Because of David the Israelites were safe from the ravages of their neighbors. David recognized that it was God who gave him the victories, not his strentgh. May we as Americans thank God for our sucess and safety, not just our military might.
Psalm 10

1Why standest thou afar off, O LORD? why hidest thou thyself in times of trouble?

2The wicked in his pride doth persecute the poor: let them be taken in the devices that they have imagined.

3For the wicked boasteth of his heart's desire, and blesseth the covetous, whom the LORD abhorreth.

4The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts.

5His ways are always grievous; thy judgments are far above out of his sight: as for all his enemies, he puffeth at them.

6He hath said in his heart, I shall not be moved: for I shall never be in adversity.

7His mouth is full of cursing and deceit and fraud: under his tongue is mischief and vanity.

8He sitteth in the lurking places of the villages: in the secret places doth he murder the innocent: his eyes are privily set against the poor.

9He lieth in wait secretly as a lion in his den: he lieth in wait to catch the poor: he doth catch the poor, when he draweth him into his net.

10He croucheth, and humbleth himself, that the poor may fall by his strong ones.

11He hath said in his heart, God hath forgotten: he hideth his face; he will never see it.

12Arise, O LORD; O God, lift up thine hand: forget not the humble.

13Wherefore doth the wicked contemn God? he hath said in his heart, Thou wilt not require it.

14Thou hast seen it; for thou beholdest mischief and spite, to requite it with thy hand: the poor committeth himself unto thee; thou art the helper of the fatherless.

15Break thou the arm of the wicked and the evil man: seek out his wickedness till thou find none.

16The LORD is King for ever and ever: the heathen are perished out of his land.

17LORD, thou hast heard the desire of the humble: thou wilt prepare their heart, thou wilt cause thine ear to hear:

18To judge the fatherless and the oppressed, that the man of the earth may no more oppress.

It seems that this last Psalm is my heart cry about our evil in America.. Our babies are mudered.. our marriages are being sacriliged. Our children our being taken away from us... We can't seem to see how God is working in our lives or our country. We have somebody who is elected as the mightiest leader in our world. And he wants to kill the innocent. It makes me want to weep. however we need to thank God for all those things I mentioned earlier. Mercy, Justice, and Forgiveness.

Let us thank God each day.

Forgive me my friends if the numbers are all mixed up. How are you all doing?
Today in Proverbs 3:11My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction: 12For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.
Honestly I don't like correction. I see this attitude in our Church alot as well. We despise God's chastening. I honestly.. well I see the need for it and while i am not in pain I think it's ok, but... when i am in correction it hurts. I want out.
Who shall abide with God? Psalms 15

1Lord, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill?

2He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart.

3He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour.

4In whose eyes a vile person is contemned; but he honoureth them that fear the LORD. He that sweareth to his own hurt, and changeth not.

5He that putteth not out his money to usury, nor taketh reward against the innocent. He that doeth these things shall never be moved.

I really want to abide with God. I think we all should. but... I know I backbite with my tongue... and I take up reproaches.

And in Romans 3, This one verse stood out to me

18There is no fear of God before their eyes.I really question myself. Do I have a fear of God? If I did.. why do I do what I do?

When you were kids.. Trust me you all were kids once... even you moms. When you were a kid...trust me when I was a kd.. having a fear of my dad was a good thing. especially the belt in his closet. Part of respecting my dad was fear. I knew that he was just.. If you follow along. we don't have that fear much..

Following Paul.. he says that there is no fear of God.. then he goes and proves that we all are doomed to death because of our sin.

19Now we know that what things soever the law saith, it saith to them who are under the law: that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God.

20Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin.

21But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets;

22Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:

23For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

We are all under judgement because we were subject to the law. Each of us were guilty. How do we get justified?

27Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? of works? Nay: but by the law of faith.

28Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.

29Is he the God of the Jews only? is he not also of the Gentiles? Yes, of the Gentiles also:

30Seeing it is one God, which shall justify the circumcision by faith, and uncircumcision through faith.

31Do we then make void the law through faith? God forbid: yea, we establish the law.

I may be way out of loop, but is Paul saying that we all had nothing in ourselves We are all headed to Hell anyways.. we need something above ourselves to free us from our sin. Too often we as Christians struggle because we think we had something to do with our salvation. We didn't. It's all God.

My prayer is that I see something from God's word and that I act accordingly. It seems that God has chosen for me to go through some trials right now. I have two choices, thank God for them and move on, or to justify my actions that caused this trial and blame God. Do I really have a choice?

May God speak to you all and may you learn your lessons 2nd hand rather than 1st hand.

Romans 4

1What shall we say then that Abraham our father, as pertaining to the flesh, hath found? 2For if Abraham were justified by works, he hath whereof to glory; but not before God. 3For what saith the scripture? Abraham believed God, and it was counted unto him for righteousness. 4Now to him that worketh is the reward not reckoned of grace, but of debt. 5But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness. 6Even as David also describeth the blessedness of the man, unto whom God imputeth righteousness without works, 7Saying, Blessed are they whose iniquities are forgiven, and whose sins are covered. 8Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not impute sin.

I have been having a debate with several Christians who believe you can lose your salvation. I think it's very clear that we cannot lose our salvation. I don't think we can do anything of ourselves to be saved. If I think I can do anything I am basing my salvation by my works.. and that ain't happening I may not be the brightest bulb on the string but I know my works are nowhere good enough to balance out my bad deeds let alone make me a free ticket to Heaven. Even if I thought I could save myself by my works, Paul says clearly that it's our faith, not our works. I am thinking that if we say it is our works.. God counts it towards our debt. Like the one servant who owed the king. There was no way he could pay the King in several lifetimes. It is the same with my sins. I want to as a man to at least try to pay off my debts. Paul is saying that the only way is Faith. Do I believe that God has forgiven me for all my sins? That he is able to save me forever? If we all believe this, then our sins our covered and our sins are not imputed unto us.

As for me right now I am saying Proverbs 5:11And thou mourn at the last, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed, 12And say, How have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof; 13And have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined mine ear to them that instructed me! 14I was almost in all evil in the midst of the congregation and assembly.

Well, not completely in context with Proverbs 5, I did however not listen to my parents. I thought I knew better. I thought because my heart was pure that I was safe. My parents are smarter than me.. still I don't want to do what they suggest because I think I'm different. I think I won't get into the trouble. It isn't that hard to follow their suggestions. And there are some people who see me as a very evil person now. :(

Well it is time to move on and learn. Thanks for putting up with me btw.

21For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings.

What am I doing? The flesh is super weak.. It's hard to stay strong. Compromise is easy. I have high standards. Yet it is easy to focus on me, not God. Romans 4: 13For the promise, that he should be the heir of the world, was not to Abraham, or to his seed, through the law, but through the righteousness of faith.

14For if they which are of the law be heirs, faith is made void, and the promise made of none effect:

15Because the law worketh wrath: for where no law is, there is no transgression.

16Therefore it is of faith, that it might be by grace; to the end the promise might be sure to all the seed; not to that only which is of the law, but to that also which is of the faith of Abraham; who is the father of us all,

I have seen sin.. and how good it looks. I have seen the after affects of it and how I look. In Romans.

It's clear that Abraham's faith by Him acting when he thought he couldn't. When he thought it was impossible.. he acted. He didn't doubt God. He acted. We should not stagger at God either. It is hard to face the impossible. Yet when we do.. we have the ability to know that through God.. all things are possible. Even the impossible.

What am I doing? The flesh is super weak.. It's hard to stay strong. Compromise is easy. I have high standards. Yet it is easy to focus on me, not God. Romans 4: 13For the promise, that he should be the heir of the world, was not to Abraham, or to his seed, through the law, but through the righteousness of faith.

14For if they which are of the law be heirs, faith is made void, and the promise made of none effect:

15Because the law worketh wrath: for where no law is, there is no transgression.

16Therefore it is of faith, that it might be by grace; to the end the promise might be sure to all the seed; not to that only which is of the law, but to that also which is of the faith of Abraham; who is the father of us all,

I have seen sin.. and how good it looks. I have seen the after affects of it and how I look. In Romans.

It's clear that Abraham's faith by Him acting when he thought he couldn't. When he thought it was impossible.. he acted. He didn't doubt God. He acted. We should not stagger at God either. It is hard to face the impossible. Yet when we do.. we have the ability to know that through God.. all things are possible. Even the impossible.

What am I doing? The flesh is super weak.. It's hard to stay strong. Compromise is easy. I have high standards. Yet it is easy to focus on me, not God. Romans 4: 13For the promise, that he should be the heir of the world, was not to Abraham, or to his seed, through the law, but through the righteousness of faith.

14For if they which are of the law be heirs, faith is made void, and the promise made of none effect:

15Because the law worketh wrath: for where no law is, there is no transgression.

16Therefore it is of faith, that it might be by grace; to the end the promise might be sure to all the seed; not to that only which is of the law, but to that also which is of the faith of Abraham; who is the father of us all,

I have seen sin.. and how good it looks. I have seen the after affects of it and how I look. In Romans.

It's clear that Abraham's faith by Him acting when he thought he couldn't. When he thought it was impossible.. he acted. He didn't doubt God. He acted. We should not stagger at God either. It is hard to face the impossible. Yet when we do.. we have the ability to know that through God.. all things are possible. Even the impossible.
As I have gone through rough times honestly each time I have felt alone. It's really hard and I fell like no one cares. However as Part of the body of Christ I have had several brothers come and say they noticed and they cared and wanted to pray for me. Part of my problem revolved around that issue.
Proverbs 7: 1My son, keep my words, and lay up my commandments with thee. 2Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye. 3Bind them upon thy fingers, write them upon the table of thine heart. 4Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman: 5That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth with her words. 6For at the window of my house I looked through my casement, 7And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding, --- 23Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life.
What I see is that too often my troubles are my own making. And they are because I don't listen to my parents or my authorities. I thought my surroundings were the trouble.. that i was right with God.. all I needed was new surroundings. the problem is with me. Not others.. but me.

11I was a reproach among all mine enemies, but especially among my neighbours, and a fear to mine acquaintance: they that did see me without fled from me.
I can see and honestly feel that I am a reproach among my enemies.... Something my mom said was that you need to get to the point where you don't get down and beat yourself about where you have failed.. use it to move on.
9Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto thee.
It is important to take the correction when it is a spoken rather than wait for it to be a painful reminder.

Romans 1:1Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

2By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

3And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

4And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

5And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

This is what we push for. Despite all the pain and our trials. This is the finish.

May you all find Patience.
I honestly have not been doing my best. I haven't been doing anywhere close to my best. Just something as simple as what I watch and do. I have been reading in Romans. Often it's my works, I have been trying to serve one person. Not God, me. I have thought I have had it all. I am really seeing that I need to be poor and needy. INot just me, we as Christians we need to see how we don't have it all together. Psalms 40: 16Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee: let such as love thy salvation say continually, The LORD be magnified. 17But I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me: thou art my help and my deliverer; make no tarrying, O my God.

Do I seek I God? Have I been seeking him first? I think not. I know I haven't been. I have been living my life as if I am the most important person, not God. I need to get back to the point of where I need God more than I want anything else. If you all can pray that I find how much I need God. May you all find out how much you need him and you seek Him first.

6For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.

7For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die.

God died for us. That's what counts. Even though I was not righteous or even good. Let me see how much I needed him and how much I need.
What is faith? Is it Belief? Is it works?

I believe it is Belief acted on. In regards to my salvation I believe that I did nothing, and can do nothing to get saved. Or to atone for my sins. Do nothing, that's not much actions.:P

Yet it requires alot that I not do anything to try to redeem myself. That is what I have been thinging of

Anyways this is really encouraging.
Psalm 32

1Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.

2Blessed is the man unto whom the LORD imputeth not iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no guile.

3When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long.

4For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer. Selah.

5I acknowledge my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah.

6For this shall every one that is godly pray unto thee in a time when thou mayest be found: surely in the floods of great waters they shall not come nigh unto him.

7Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah.

8I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.

9Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto thee.

10Many sorrows shall be to the wicked: but he that trusteth in the LORD, mercy shall compass him about.

11Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, ye righteous: and shout for joy, all ye that are upright in heart.

May we all be those who are forgiven.

Romans 5

11And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement.

12Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:

13(For until the law sin was in the world: but sin is not imputed when there is no law.

14Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over them that had not sinned after the similitude of Adam's transgression, who is the figure of him that was to come.

15But not as the offence, so also is the free gift. For if through the offence of one many be dead, much more the grace of God, and the gift by grace, which is by one man, Jesus Christ, hath abounded unto many.

16And not as it was by one that sinned, so is the gift: for the judgment was by one to condemnation, but the free gift is of many offences unto justification.

17For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.)

18Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life.

19For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.

I cant do anything to redeem myself. It was by one man and that man was not me. As Adam sinned, Jesus saved.

That's what I needed. God bless
A good friend challenged me. No movies, see who can go the longest without them. So far.. so good. But the thing is that movies aren't bad, it's just one of the things that pull me away from God. It's not the best.
Last night I went to a Xmas party for ALERT. I had a blast, played volleyball, my cookie won 1st placve in the decorating contest. hehe we laughed until we cried
It was really good to see how I was apart of the group. I really had felt alone. Now I feel better about ALERT. Because I realized that I had been fousing on all the bad things and not the people. Then again I didn't see the people much. :D

Romans 5:20Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound: 21That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord.
We were all entrapped by so much sin that I could never of myself be freed. It was an impossibility that God filled and covered with his grace. I have to not focus on my past yet not abuse God's grace.

Psalms 46:4There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High. 5God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.
It is amazing that God still loves His people despite all that they have done. It's amazing that God loves me despite all that I have done. It's amazing How God can be Holy and hate sin yet love sinners. That's a stretch of my logic.
Then again whoever said God thought like me?
Have a great day

Quiet time 21-30

2009-01-18T09:37:00.000-08:00

''17He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; but his neighbour cometh and searcheth him.
I could be really taking this out of context... IMO I see this verse as a rememberance to to not toot my own horn, or to try to vindicate myself.

This is my prayer for you all

10Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

11Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

15And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

17And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

18Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

19And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel,

May you truly be always vigilant and never let your guard down in anyway. It is believed that Paul in this passage was talking about the armor that the Roman soldiers wore. The funny thing was that it had no rear armor. breast plate... but no rear plate. That's because not only were they supposed to never show their rear to the enemy, but also their fellow soldiers were to protect their rear. not only are we supposed to Put on the armor of God to protect ourselves but we also need to help protect our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ

Psalm 91

1He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

3Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

4He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

5Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

6Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

7A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

8Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.

9Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;

10There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

11For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

12They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

13Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

14Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

15He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

16With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

Dear Friends, this is one of the Psalms that comfort me. Verse 2. I have a major insecurity problem, I find that I can always put my trust in God. He will always sustain me and cover me. God covers me with his Presence. It Goes on about how God rewards and guides us. The only condition is that it seems to be for the man who makes God his dwelling place. Who abides in Him. What does that mean for me?

it means that I need to be more in God. If I focus on him more than than I want to do. Too often I act on what I want to do, not what I know I should do. In Psalms 95 it puts it wonderfully

6O come, let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the LORD our maker.

7For he is our God; and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand. To day if ye will hear his voice,

8Harden not your heart, as in the provocation, and as in the day of temptation in the wilderness:

It's just amazing that we are able to worship God without dying. We can talk to him directly. There is now one mediator between God and man. He's God too so that is sweet.

Dearly beloved.. hehe Ok Freinds.
A quick update. I have had 8 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours... So forgive me if I come across as giggly or irrational.. my brother says I act drunk when I'm this tired.. my question is how would he know? Today at the place where I live and work, today is the last day I will see many people... not only does the old group graduate, the leaders are leaving, and about 20 volunteers have been helping out. Sadly the people with the biggest character witness have been the volunteers. It;s been so amazing to see people my age that have so much depth and we can have serious talks.

Today I was reading through Proverbs... God seemed to shout it out.
Proverbs 21

1The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will.

This is so important in these times.. it seems that God has been not looking and not caring as our judges and Kings and those in authority run rampant and we have those who defy God as President. It's so hard to remember that God is in control

2Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the LORD pondereth the hearts.

I have to look deep into my heart.. Too often I find out that my way often has been serving me when I am trying to do what I think is right. And the other times are when I am trying to please me anyway.

3To do justice and judgment is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice.

4An high look, and a proud heart, and the plowing of the wicked, is sin.

5The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness; but of every one that is hasty only to want.

6The getting of treasures by a lying tongue is a vanity tossed to and fro of them that seek death.

7The robbery of the wicked shall destroy them; because they refuse to do judgment.

8The way of man is froward and strange: but as for the pure, his work is right.

9It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

10The soul of the wicked desireth evil: his neighbour findeth no favour in his eyes.

11When the scorner is punished, the simple is made wise: and when the wise is instructed, he receiveth knowledge.

12The righteous man wisely considereth the house of the wicked: but God overthroweth the wicked for their wickedness.

13Whoso stoppeth his ears at the cry of the poor, he also shall cry himself, but shall not be heard.

14A gift in secret pacifieth anger: and a reward in the bosom strong wrath.

15It is joy to the just to do judgment: but destruction shall be to the workers of iniquity.

16The man that wandereth out of the way of understanding shall remain in the congregation of the dead.

17He that loveth pleasure shall be a poor man: he that loveth wine and oil shall not be rich.

18The wicked shall be a ransom for the righteous, and the transgressor for the upright.

19It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

20There is treasure to be desired and oil in the dwelling of the wise; but a foolish man spendeth it up.

21He that followeth after righteousness and mercy findeth life, righteousness, and honour.

22A wise man scaleth the city of the mighty, and casteth down the strength of the confidence thereof.

23Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.

24Proud and haughty scorner is his name, who dealeth in proud wrath.

25The desire of the slothful killeth him; for his hands refuse to labour.

26He coveteth greedily all the day long: but the righteous giveth and spareth not.

27The sacrifice of the wicked is abomination: how much more, when he bringeth it with a wicked mind?

28A false witness shall perish: but the man that heareth speaketh constantly.

29A wicked man hardeneth his face: but as for the upright, he directeth his way.

30There is no wisdom nor understanding nor counsel against the LORD.

31The horse is prepared against the day of battle: but safety is of the LORD.

God alone is the one who understands it all and I must serve him. It's hard to not take it into my own hands and my own understandings.

Yet today my heart hurts. I have had some stuff happen and I feel like David in Psalms 102. I cry out for Mercy.. I feel so Psalm 102
Psalm 102

1Hear my prayer, O LORD, and let my cry come unto thee.

2Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble; incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I call answer me speedily.

3For my days are consumed like smoke, and my bones are burned as an hearth.

4My heart is smitten, and withered like grass; so that I forget to eat my bread.

5By reason of the voice of my groaning my bones cleave to my skin.

6I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert.

7I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.

8Mine enemies reproach me all the day; and they that are mad against me are sworn against me.

9For I have eaten ashes like bread, and mingled my drink with weeping.

10Because of thine indignation and thy wrath: for thou hast lifted me up, and cast me down.

11My days are like a shadow that declineth; and I am withered like grass.

then what happens is but God.. It's so awesome to look up from your sepths of muck.. and see God. Not just God.. But his mercies are renewed everyday. When all around my soul gives way.. He then is my hope and stay.

12But thou, O LORD, shall endure for ever; and thy remembrance unto all generations.

13Thou shalt arise, and have mercy upon Zion: for the time to favour her, yea, the set time, is come.

14For thy servants take pleasure in her stones, and favour the dust thereof.

15So the heathen shall fear the name of the LORD, and all the kings of the earth thy glory.

16When the LORD shall build up Zion, he shall appear in his glory.

17He will regard the prayer of the destitute, and not despise their prayer.

18This shall be written for the generation to come: and the people which shall be created shall praise the LORD.

19For he hath looked down from the height of his sanctuary; from heaven did the LORD behold the earth;

20To hear the groaning of the prisoner; to loose those that are appointed to death;

21To declare the name of the LORD in Zion, and his praise in Jerusalem;

22When the people are gathered together, and the kingdoms, to serve the LORD.

23He weakened my strength in the way; he shortened my days.

24I said, O my God, take me not away in the midst of my days: thy years are throughout all generations.

25Of old hast thou laid the foundation of the earth: and the heavens are the work of thy hands.

26They shall perish, but thou shalt endure: yea, all of them shall wax old like a garment; as a vesture shalt thou change them, and they shall be changed:

27But thou art the same, and thy years shall have no end.
28The children of thy servants shall continue, and their seed shall be established before thee.
Amen
hehe
what can I say besides..
That's all folks.......
Have a great day and God bless you all.. each and every one..
:D
Psalm 106.We have sinned with our fathers, we have committed iniquity, we have done wickedly.

7Our fathers understood not thy wonders in Egypt; they remembered not the multitude of thy mercies; but provoked him at the sea, even at the Red sea.

8Nevertheless he saved them for his name's sake, that he might make his mighty power to be known.

9He rebuked the Red sea also, and it was dried up: so he led them through the depths, as through the wilderness.

10And he saved them from the hand of him that hated them, and redeemed them from the hand of the enemy.

11And the waters covered their enemies: there was not one of them left.

12Then believed they his words; they sang his praise.

13They soon forgat his works; they waited not for his counsel:

14But lusted exceedingly in the wilderness, and tempted God in the desert.

15And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul.

16They envied Moses also in the camp, and Aaron the saint of the LORD.

17The earth opened and swallowed up Dathan and covered the company of Abiram.

18And a fire was kindled in their company; the flame burned up the wicked.

19They made a calf in Horeb, and worshipped the molten image.

20Thus they changed their glory into the similitude of an ox that eateth grass.

21They forgat God their saviour, which had done great things in Egypt;

22Wondrous works in the land of Ham, and terrible things by the Red sea.

23Therefore he said that he would destroy them, had not Moses his chosen stood before him in the breach, to turn away his wrath, lest he should destroy them.

24Yea, they despised the pleasant land, they believed not his word:

25But murmured in their tents, and hearkened not unto the voice of the LORD.

26Therefore he lifted up his hand against them, to overthrow them in the wilderness:

27To overthrow their seed also among the nations, and to scatter them in the lands.

28They joined themselves also unto Baalpeor, and ate the sacrifices of the dead.

29Thus they provoked him to anger with their inventions: and the plague brake in upon them.

30Then stood up Phinehas, and executed judgment: and so the plague was stayed.

31And that was counted unto him for righteousness unto all generations for evermore.

32They angered him also at the waters of strife, so that it went ill with Moses for their sakes:

33Because they provoked his spirit, so that he spake unadvisedly with his lips.

34They did not destroy the nations, concerning whom the LORD commanded them:

35But were mingled among the heathen, and learned their works.

36And they served their idols: which were a snare unto them.

37Yea, they sacrificed their sons and their daughters unto devils,

38And shed innocent blood, even the blood of their sons and of their daughters, whom they sacrificed unto the idols of Canaan: and the land was polluted with blood.

39Thus were they defiled with their own works, and went a whoring with their own inventions.

40Therefore was the wrath of the LORD kindled against his people, insomuch that he abhorred his own inheritance.

41And he gave them into the hand of the heathen; and they that hated them ruled over them.

42Their enemies also oppressed them, and they were brought into subjection under their hand.

43Many times did he deliver them; but they provoked him with their counsel, and were brought low for their iniquity.

many times as we look at the israelites we wonder how they could be so stupid.. to do all those things and be so shallow. My dad made the point when we were talking about this Psalm today that the Israelites were just like us. They were normal people. IMO if they lived now in America it woul read something like

God saved them from Hell, he put them in a nation that professes God and didn't attack them.. he made them his children, gave them a direct way to God, gave them prosperity, houses, 4 wheeled transportation, a voice in the government.. and yet they forsake Him, They loved their cars and their golf clubs, they Put God in a closet, yet when God sent them reminders, they cursed him or blamed him. Asked why does he allow so much suffering. They say How dare God treat them so? Are we not guaranteed a happy life? Then we wonder why we get corrupt leaders and Obama.

Hit me a little close to home. how many times have I murmered and complained? My personal miracles read like

Saved from hell, given a godly home, spared his life many times, given second chances with family, friends and basic, Given a truck, had my camera returned, spared from my own sins and consequences.. yet this morning I yelled at my sister because she was whining about how she couldn't sleep because the dog whimpered. I complain because I am discomforted that people don't treat me the way I feel should be treated. Yet, looking at it from God's perspective.. why doesn't he wipe me off the face of the earth for my ingratitude?

44Nevertheless he regarded their affliction, when he heard their cry:

45And he remembered for them his covenant, and repented according to the multitude of his mercies.

46He made them also to be pitied of all those that carried them captives.

47Save us, O LORD our God, and gather us from among the heathen, to give thanks unto thy holy name, and to triumph in thy praise.

48Blessed be the LORD God of Israel from everlasting to everlasting: and let all the people say, Amen. Praise ye the LORD.

After all this.. God hears us and rescues us. he is indeed merciful. hehe, then you read Psalm 107. and what does it start out with? :D

oh that men would praise God..

and I finish up with this

29Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men.

it applies too all of us. May we be diligent

Honestly today i sat at my lappie and stared at the online Bible... and that was it. I didn't get anything.. Probably because I already know what I need to do... and that I haven't been doing it. Bet you can't gues... Honor your father and mother.
, Yup, I'm having trouble doing it.. I don't know why.. jst something like feed the dogs, empty the trash.. I'm naturally a selfish person. Anyways.. room to improve...
I did find this in Romans.
15So, as much as in me is, I am ready to preach the gospel to you that are at Rome also.

16For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.

it really ties into the Old covenant. Yesterday Morning.. I saw that God never forsook his Children despite all they did.. even so after they killed his Son he Gave them the Gospel first, then us. Another reason to praise God.. that in his Mercy and Love he extended the line of Abraham to us. God bless.

Honestly today i sat at my lappie and stared at the online Bible... and that was it. I didn't get anything.. Probably because I already know what I need to do... and that I haven't been doing it. Bet you can't gues... Honor your father and mother.
, Yup, I'm having trouble doing it.. I don't know why.. jst something like feed the dogs, empty the trash.. I'm naturally a selfish person. Anyways.. room to improve...
I did find this in Romans.
15So, as much as in me is, I am ready to preach the gospel to you that are at Rome also.

16For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.

it really ties into the Old covenant. Yesterday Morning.. I saw that God never forsook his Children despite all they did.. even so after they killed his Son he Gave them the Gospel first, then us. Another reason to praise God.. that in his Mercy and Love he extended the line of Abraham to us. God bless.

Why do I struggle so much? Why is it so hard for me to do what is right? WHy does it seem that I struggle with honesty? Obedience? I echo David... Psalm 119 1Blessed are the undefiled in the way, who walk in the law of the LORD. 2Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart. 3They also do no iniquity: they walk in his ways. 4Thou hast commanded us to keep thy precepts diligently. 5O that my ways were directed to keep thy statutes! 6Then shall I not be ashamed, when I have respect unto all thy commandments. 7I will praise thee with uprightness of heart, when I shall have learned thy righteous judgments. 8I will keep thy statutes: O forsake me not utterly. 9Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word.
Right how I am at the part where I feel ashamed because my life doesn't match up to God's standards... I truly feel like the Greek myth of the man who was pushing a boulder uphill. I want to be at the point where I see Jesus. Psalm 120:1In my distress I cried unto the LORD, and he heard me. 2 Deliver my soul, O LORD, from lying lips, and from a deceitful tongue.Well, the tongue and lips belong to a Ben Bradley whom you all know and some should love.
I believe God can deliver me from myself. As a dear friend pointed out. Once you become a Christian.. your old urges don't always go away, they require focusing on God and battling to die. Proverbs 24:10 If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small. 11If thou forbear to deliver them that are drawn unto death, and those that are ready to be slain; 12If thou sayest, Behold, we knew it not; doth not he that pondereth the heart consider it? and he that keepeth thy soul, doth not he know it? and shall not he render to every man according to his works?

Not only am i to battle and endure my fight but I am also to help others. I f I see a need and ignore it.. God will leave me in my struggles and punish me for their failures.

May we all go out of our way to try and help those who need it.

I hope you all are doing well and can't wait to hear from you all or meet you. I hope you each have a wonderful Thanksgiving tomorrow and don't eat too much. Trust me you will regret it later. I guess as I look at Thanksgiving, I am reminded how much that God has blessed me this year. First off most of our extended family will be there, a blessing that none of us have kicked the bucket. I have my licenses, our house is looking great, God gave me a truck, and I pray that my dog is pregnant. I know she's not married.. :D
Today hopefully will be more humorous.
I was reading Proverbs 27 and I though... wow sounds like he dealt with the congress that day. Or the board of deacons. the proverb is about fools, sluggards, the slothful, angry, and the haters.
ouch.. what is a fool? It seems that Ben Bradley falls into alot of these categories. I don't want to do that.. I'd rather, much rather Fear the Lord and walk in his ways.. plus the benefits are pretty good as well. Psalms 128 1Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways. 2For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. 3Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table. 4Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD. 5The LORD shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life. 6Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon Israel. As a friend told me.. there is something so satisfying in eating the work of you hands... so the moral of that is be a farmer.. not a carpenter... :D There is something so awesome in working with your hands. I just have to make myself start it.
I found comfort in these verses.
Psalm 130

1Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O LORD. 2Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications. 3If thou, LORD, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? 4But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared. 5I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. 6My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning. 7Let Israel hope in the LORD: for with the LORD there is mercy, and with him is plenteous redemption. 8And he shall redeem Israel from all his iniquities.

There is just something so amazing in this. Out of the depths of my despair have I cried unto Thee! I know that my sins are numerous and if you were to hold them against me I could not stand?

I yearn for God... more than the morning after a dark and dreary night. Let all of us hope in God for he is merciful and has forgiven us. David got to look forward to the redemption of his sins.. we are so blessed that we can look back to the cross and see what God has done to save us and redeem us. It is so amazing to feel God. I want that again.

Romans 2:11 For there is no respect of persons with God. 12For as many as have sinned without law shall also perish without law: and as many as have sinned in the law shall be judged by the law; 13(For not the hearers of the law are just before God, but the doers of the law shall be justified. 14For when the Gentiles, which have not the law, do by nature the things contained in the law, these, having not the law, are a law unto themselves: 15Which shew the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and their thoughts the mean while accusing or else excusing one another;)
Verse 13.. For the hearers of the law are not just before God.. it's the doers. Faith requires Action!! We don't have an excuse.. too often we know in our conscience when we aren't doing something right. We don't need the law anymore.. GOd has given us his Holy Spirit.. and you think your mom getting on you was bad...
Vs. 11 We are all equal b4 God.. Man woman, boy and girl. He has saved us all and holds us to the same standard.. His standard.. now I have to try to make my personal standards match His.
That's my challenge. DO what God says.
You all should... makes life easier.
God bless you all

Romans 2:17Behold, thou art called a Jew, and restest in the law, and makest thy boast of God, 18And knowest his will, and approvest the things that are more excellent, being instructed out of the law; 19And art confident that thou thyself art a guide of the blind, a light of them which are in darkness, 20An instructor of the foolish, a teacher of babes, which hast the form of knowledge and of the truth in the law. 21Thou therefore which teachest another, teachest thou not thyself? thou that preachest a man should not steal, dost thou steal? 22Thou that sayest a man should not commit adultery, dost thou commit adultery? thou that abhorrest idols, dost thou commit sacrilege? 23Thou that makest thy boast of the law, through breaking the law dishonourest thou God?
I really struggle. It seems to be a daily war with my flesh. and anytime I try to preach anything I condemn myself. Anytime I think that I am ready to lead I see how much i can't. Anytime I w/o God try to do something great it is prideful. there is a balance to leading.. but often it involves only in your jurisdiction. God bless you all.

Romans 2:28For he is not a Jew, which is one outwardly; neither is that circumcision, which is outward in the flesh: 29But he is a Jew, which is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit, and not in the letter; whose praise is not of men, but of God.
The background for this discussion is that there we new believers coming into the church. they were gentiles and they didn't hold to the traditions of the old covenant that showed dedication to God.. ie. Circumcision. It was a sign that Jews were different. It was kinda an anti heathen worship as well. but that's not a good point of discussion in mixed company. the thing is that during the time Of Paul you had Jews preaching that gentiles needed to hold to the old laws. Paul preached and I believe that what God wants is inward devotion.. an circumcision of the heart..
it is far too common for us as Christians to insist on the outside and we miss the inside. What do we put first in our lives? Is it god? Is it us? it is in our spirit and in our heart that it really matters.

I was encouraged to seeK god first and to look deeply at me heart. God bless you all.

Dear friends, it's been interesting to say the least. God seems to be opening doors.. while closing others. I think a struggle for me is that I make the plans and ask God to bless them. It's called manhood and initiative.. Good things but I am taking them too far. I would much rather be In God's will than trying to make it my way. however... like Saul in the Bible.. when all around me seems to give way... I tend to offer my sacrifice and not wait for Samuel. The point is to wait for God's guidance.. and his timing... When I do get God's timing as as far as my direction.. my tendancy is to go make it happen. God's ways are beyond me... and sometimes a day seems like a thousand years.

Romans 3

1What advantage then hath the Jew? or what profit is there of circumcision?

2Much every way: chiefly, because that unto them were committed the oracles of God.

3For what if some did not believe? shall their unbelief make the faith of God without effect?

4God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.

5But if our unrighteousness commend the righteousness of God, what shall we say? Is God unrighteous who taketh vengeance? (I speak as a man)

6God forbid: for then how shall God judge the world?

Paul is making a good point here.. too often as Christians we put God in a box. God wouldn't do this.. he wouldn't do that. God's ways are beyond us.. they are impenetrable... but we know that He is God and he does what he says. God is God despite what His children do. we are held to Him but he is not held to us.
I read this and it seemed to hit to the point.
Psalm 144

1Blessed be the LORD my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight:

2My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who subdueth my people under me.

3LORD, what is man, that thou takest knowledge of him! or the son of man, that thou makest account of him!

4Man is like to vanity: his days are as a shadow that passeth away.

5Bow thy heavens, O LORD, and come down: touch the mountains, and they shall smoke.

6Cast forth lightning, and scatter them: shoot out thine arrows, and destroy them.

7Send thine hand from above; rid me, and deliver me out of great waters, from the hand of strange children;

8Whose mouth speaketh vanity, and their right hand is a right hand of falsehood.

9I will sing a new song unto thee, O God: upon a psaltery and an instrument of ten strings will I sing praises unto thee.

10It is he that giveth salvation unto kings: who delivereth David his servant from the hurtful sword.

11Rid me, and deliver me from the hand of strange children, whose mouth speaketh vanity, and their right hand is a right hand of falsehood:

12That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace:

13That our garners may be full, affording all manner of store: that our sheep may bring forth thousands and ten thousands in our streets:

14That our oxen may be strong to labour; that there be no breaking in, nor going out; that there be no complaining in our streets.

15Happy is that people, that is in such a case: yea, happy is that people, whose God is the LORD.

God is awesome!! As I look at it he is the only reason that I have suceeded in anything. He is the reason that I can fight.. that I can speak.. he has given me everything that I take for granted.
May he bless you as well

Today is the end of a month.... and the dawn of a new month. One that is usually focused on you.. everyone wants you to be selfish and have the give me spirit.. that way they can get at your money. We are bombarded with all these commercials... buy, buy, spend, you deserve to get more. I want stuff for xmas, I want alot of things.. however there are just two things i really want. Proverbs 30:7-9

7Two things have I required of thee; deny me them not before I die:

8Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me:

9Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the LORD? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain.

I don't really want the world.. I want enough to satisfy and I want to grow in the Lord. I see so much in the world..

11There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother.

12There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.

13There is a generation, O how lofty are their eyes! and their eyelids are lifted up.

14There is a generation, whose teeth are as swords, and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy from among men.

It is scary to look at our culture especially Christmas.. but let us take this month to see how we can show Jesus through us to the real needy among us. Often they don't need material things.. they need love. The love of Jesus.

Quiet times 11-20

2009-01-17T20:27:00.000-08:00

Often as a Christian I wonder what I'm supposed to do and how it's supposed to work. Proverbs is great for practical knowledge on what to do. Watch your mouth, don't argue with a fool, mind your own business... etc...
BUt in Proverbs 3 it says the whole root of the matter.
v5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 7Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.
DO I trust God? I know i've talked about this b4, so bear with me if I rehash anything. I can trust him by not questioning him and by obeying. Faith w/o works is dead. Honestly I have money needs. I am going to need about 200 dollars by the end of December. My way is to go withdraw it from a depleted account and just roll with it.. I know that that isn't God's plan, but it's mine.. and it makes sense. I want to lean on my own understanding. It's hard to trust God to guide me with money. Or a wife.. or college.. which I should be studying for now :P It's so easy for me to be wise in my eyes. I can really use prayer to be humbled b4 God, to be honest all the time, in words and actions. That God will give me the opportunity to earn more money, or provide it.

Proverbs 4:20My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings. 21Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart. 22For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh. 23Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. 24Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee. 25Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee. 26Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. 27Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.
Hold onto the words of life. I have noticed that what I do affects who I am today. What I have read, searched, thought about, really affects what I am doing. It is super important for me to take GOd's word and graft it into my life, to meditate on it, to search out the word. If I watch movies.. I waste my time. If I spend more time on my puter then with God.. I place an idol. I have to be diligent with what I think about and talk about. It is normal for me to have instincts and urges, what the christian thing to do is to hold it back and control them. I was once asked what Lust was. I said it is probably the things you want to do first. It is so important as Christians we don't just live life and let it happen, but that we carefuly run the race and keep with all diligence our witness. I cannot be for GOd and yet going for my thingss and the things I want to do. yet as in ROmans 19
12Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults. 13Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression. 14Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.
Often I sin w/o thinking or knowing.. I ask God to show me what I am doing, to give me attentiveness, not only to his word, but also to those around me. It is very easy for me to miss opportunitues to aid others and to offend them by my words or actions. Once again I see that I need to meditate on God's word, I have to feed my soul. It's also so important taht as we try to get closer to God by letting go of our problems.. that we don't follow false doctrines and try to go the atoning route so we can be more spiritual. In galations 2 Paul mentions that there are some people who will try to convince you that more works=more godliness or enough Godliness. We can never do anything of ourselves to please God. He accepts us for opne reason only. Jesus' blood.
anyways.. some stuff I'm thinking that God is showing me..

Today I am grieved, my heart is heavy. I know that God i still on his throne but I weep for our sins as a nation.I know todays proverb talks about the strange woman and how dangerous she is. My room mate said and I agree that Obama is the same way, His wods are smooth but his end is horrible. I am praying for our future president that he will be saved and also that God will protect us, for we need it. Yet I do not want our safety to be more important than our relationship with Him, THis is a wakeup call to get serious with God. Who knows the path we shall take. America may turn to a center of persucution, yet that is what I fear we need to be refined. God wants us to be right with him enough to hurt us. I fear that we are headed for times of persecution and now is the time for us to get right with God and put him first. If we do not.. GOd may have to refine us with the flames of this world. Yet. through out all that is happening, and may happen, God is still on his throne and He still holds us in his hands. His Big hands.. mine are so small.
Psalms 23. The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, he leadeth me besides the still waters, He anoionteth my soul, he leadeth me in the paths of tighteousness for his names sake. Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thy rod and thys staff they comfort me, thou preparest a table for me in the presence of mine eneimies, though anointest my head, my cup ovefloweth. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

6Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: 7Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, 8Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest. 9How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? 10Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: 11So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man.
For me it is very hard to be diligent, i want to be a lazy bum, yet I want money.. so go figure. How i can apply this is to make sure that I do not cut any corners at work. I need to make sure I do all that is needed. At home I need to make sure I do all that I'm supposed to do. That's one thing God really wants me to do.

27Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?

28Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned?

IT's so important to never ever compromise.. Fire burns and leaves scars. a burn is one of the nastiest wounds you can have. What happens is that fire just transforms what it consume. it's still all there, but in another form. When we compromise we destroy something.. it's forever changed. Once you burn wood you can't regrow it.

I've been trying to dig deeper into the world and I found this!! It's so amazing!!

5For we through the Spirit wait for the hope of righteousness by faith.

6For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcision; but faith which worketh by love.

7Ye did run well; who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth?

8This persuasion cometh not of him that calleth you.

9A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump.

10I have confidence in you through the Lord, that ye will be none otherwise minded: but he that troubleth you shall bear his judgment, whosoever he be.

9And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. honestly I do not want to continue doing what I am doing... I am tired of caring, tired of working at ALERT, tired of all the problems. I want to withdraw, I want to do only my stuff and not invest in people's lives... I really don't enjoy getting torn up inside. I would rather not do it than do it wrong. That's what I want to do. But that is fainting...
The right thing for me to do is to stick it out, to last the day. Part of that means I should still do what I did last night. I also need to stick with ALERT and give it my all. as an encouragement. Never give up on doing right.

Proverbs 8 13The fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate. Do I hate Evil? Or do i like to keep it close. I know that when it comes down to it and I can sin.. it's right there, it looks good. That when it is the hardest. I can be as strong as I can when I am at church or sin is along ways away. In Psalms 36 it says the wicked doesn't fear God. That's kinda shocking, unless we hate sin, we are wicked. :( It's not just Fear though, we are to delight ourselves in the Lord. Rest, be content. It's so hard for me to rest in him. I need things, and I would rather fret and worry and try to get them myself than wait for God to open the doors.

In psalms 41 David asks God to forgive him for he has sinned. I have to do that every day. I was asked if I was to rate my obediance on a scale 1-100 what would it be?
I wanted to say 70.. but I knew that it was more like a 30. The thing is that God forgives it all. I just want to seek God as a deer wants water. Is God my only desire? Oh that it may be my sole desire. To find God and to daily be with him.
Psalm 44

1We have heard with our ears, O God, our fathers have told us, what work thou didst in their days, in the times of old.

2How thou didst drive out the heathen with thy hand, and plantedst them; how thou didst afflict the people, and cast them out.

3For they got not the land in possession by their own sword, neither did their own arm save them: but thy right hand, and thine arm, and the light of thy countenance, because thou hadst a favour unto them.

4Thou art my King, O God: command deliverances for Jacob.

5Through thee will we push down our enemies: through thy name will we tread them under that rise up against us.

6For I will not trust in my bow, neither shall my sword save me.

7But thou hast saved us from our enemies, and hast put them to shame that hated us.

8In God we boast all the day long, and praise thy name for ever. Selah.

9But thou hast cast off, and put us to shame; and goest not forth with our armies.

10Thou makest us to turn back from the enemy: and they which hate us spoil for themselves.

11Thou hast given us like sheep appointed for meat; and hast scattered us among the heathen.

12Thou sellest thy people for nought, and dost not increase thy wealth by their price.

13Thou makest us a reproach to our neighbours, a scorn and a derision to them that are round about us.

14Thou makest us a byword among the heathen, a shaking of the head among the people.

15My confusion is continually before me, and the shame of my face hath covered me,

16For the voice of him that reproacheth and blasphemeth; by reason of the enemy and avenger.

17All this is come upon us; yet have we not forgotten thee, neither have we dealt falsely in thy covenant.

18Our heart is not turned back, neither have our steps declined from thy way;

19Though thou hast sore broken us in the place of dragons, and covered us with the shadow of death.

20If we have forgotten the name of our God, or stretched out our hands to a strange god;

21Shall not God search this out? for he knoweth the secrets of the heart.

22Yea, for thy sake are we killed all the day long; we are counted as sheep for the slaughter.

23Awake, why sleepest thou, O Lord? arise, cast us not off for ever.

24Wherefore hidest thou thy face, and forgettest our affliction and our oppression?

25For our soul is bowed down to the dust: our belly cleaveth unto the earth.

26Arise for our help, and redeem us for thy mercies' sake.

As with the author that wrote this psalm, why has God forsaken us? why has he let our enemies spoil us? because we first rejected him and turned our back on him. Once I turn back to him and refocus on him, then will I see God. And only then will I see Jesus. My prayer is that you will each find him too.

First off, I went to the sunday school party last night. It was fun, we ate food, then we played games. it was pretty cool. I ate the dirt once.. and I got tagged by a girl. in my defense I was standing still. Aaron had to get pushed out because he got the truck stuck. hehehe. We were the fastest people out there.. it was pretty cool. then we gathered around the campfire and I heard some interesting stuff. God is really working in people. I hurt so much for some of my friends. One young lady, her husband passed away a year ago. Another one is dealing with a court case over when she was raped. and yet another one shared her testimony about how she ended up pregnant and it was a very sad story.

In psalms 41 David asks God to forgive him for he has sinned. I have to do that every day. I was asked if I was to rate my obediance on a scale 1-100 what would it be?
I wanted to say 70.. but I knew that it was more like a 30. The thing is that God forgives it all. I just want to seek God as a deer wants water. Is God my only desire? Oh that it may be my sole desire. To find God and to daily be with him.
Psalm 44

1We have heard with our ears, O God, our fathers have told us, what work thou didst in their days, in the times of old.

2How thou didst drive out the heathen with thy hand, and plantedst them; how thou didst afflict the people, and cast them out.

3For they got not the land in possession by their own sword, neither did their own arm save them: but thy right hand, and thine arm, and the light of thy countenance, because thou hadst a favour unto them.

4Thou art my King, O God: command deliverances for Jacob.

5Through thee will we push down our enemies: through thy name will we tread them under that rise up against us.

6For I will not trust in my bow, neither shall my sword save me.

7But thou hast saved us from our enemies, and hast put them to shame that hated us.

8In God we boast all the day long, and praise thy name for ever. Selah.

9But thou hast cast off, and put us to shame; and goest not forth with our armies.

10Thou makest us to turn back from the enemy: and they which hate us spoil for themselves.

11Thou hast given us like sheep appointed for meat; and hast scattered us among the heathen.

12Thou sellest thy people for nought, and dost not increase thy wealth by their price.

13Thou makest us a reproach to our neighbours, a scorn and a derision to them that are round about us.

14Thou makest us a byword among the heathen, a shaking of the head among the people.

15My confusion is continually before me, and the shame of my face hath covered me,

16For the voice of him that reproacheth and blasphemeth; by reason of the enemy and avenger.

17All this is come upon us; yet have we not forgotten thee, neither have we dealt falsely in thy covenant.

18Our heart is not turned back, neither have our steps declined from thy way;

19Though thou hast sore broken us in the place of dragons, and covered us with the shadow of death.

20If we have forgotten the name of our God, or stretched out our hands to a strange god;

21Shall not God search this out? for he knoweth the secrets of the heart.

22Yea, for thy sake are we killed all the day long; we are counted as sheep for the slaughter.

23Awake, why sleepest thou, O Lord? arise, cast us not off for ever.

24Wherefore hidest thou thy face, and forgettest our affliction and our oppression?

25For our soul is bowed down to the dust: our belly cleaveth unto the earth.

26Arise for our help, and redeem us for thy mercies' sake.

As with the author that wrote this psalm, why has God forsaken us? why has he let our enemies spoil us? because we first rejected him and turned our back on him. Once I turn back to him and refocus on him, then will I see God. And only then will I see Jesus. My prayer is that you will each find him too.

It seems that more and more I have to pour out my heart to God. I'd rather share it with y'all, but that's not what friends are for.. more and more I see that God is here, even when I don't feel it. Megan, said that I have alot of drama in my life... that's kinda true. It's easy to lose focus on God. One thing I find is a big key is how much actual time do I spend in his Word, and in prayer. What do I like to do? What do I do more? What does God want me to do? Too often I take good things over the best things. Choose the diamonds... not the nickels.
On the other side of the coin.. be happy with what you have.. I complained about my pt test and how slow and fat I am.. still I did well. It's too easy to become petty and small minded and focus on what we don't have rather than what we do have. Even though I am a poor college student I have more stuff and more provisions than many starving families in other places of the world. With the more blessings I have, the more shall I be called to account.

Also, God is so amazing, too often I have just put him in the niche of, God.. a distant entity who doesn't seem to care too much and only helps me when I'm in mortal danger.He isn't.. He is here. He does Care, and let us worship him for he is terrible.
It seems that I am seeing so much right now. I know that's only because in my valey I turned to God rather than to my usual stuff.

Proverbs 16

1The preparations of the heart in man, and the answer of the tongue, is from the LORD.

2All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; but the LORD weigheth the spirits.

3Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.

4The LORD hath made all things for himself: yea, even the wicked for the day of evil.

5Every one that is proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD: though hand join in hand, he shall not be unpunished.

6By mercy and truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the LORD men depart from evil.

7When a man's ways please the LORD, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him.

8Better is a little with righteousness than great revenues without right.

9A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.

10A divine sentence is in the lips of the king: his mouth transgresseth not in judgment.

11A just weight and balance are the LORD's: all the weights of the bag are his work.

12It is an abomination to kings to commit wickedness: for the throne is established by righteousness.

13Righteous lips are the delight of kings; and they love him that speaketh right.

14The wrath of a king is as messengers of death: but a wise man will pacify it.

15In the light of the king's countenance is life; and his favour is as a cloud of the latter rain.

16How much better is it to get wisdom than gold! and to get understanding rather to be chosen than silver!

17The highway of the upright is to depart from evil: he that keepeth his way preserveth his soul.

18Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

19Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud.

20He that handleth a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusteth in the LORD, happy is he.

21The wise in heart shall be called prudent: and the sweetness of the lips increaseth learning.

22Understanding is a wellspring of life unto him that hath it: but the instruction of fools is folly.

23The heart of the wise teacheth his mouth, and addeth learning to his lips.

24Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

25There is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.

26He that laboureth laboureth for himself; for his mouth craveth it of him.

27An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips there is as a burning fire.

28A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.

29A violent man enticeth his neighbour, and leadeth him into the way that is not good.

30He shutteth his eyes to devise froward things: moving his lips he bringeth evil to pass.

31The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness.

32He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

33The lot is cast into the lap; but the whole disposing thereof is of the LORD.

At times it is so hard to focus on God. My sins seems to dwarf me. It only takes 10 minutes of weakness and it seems that once again I am trapped. The thing is that God knows that I am weak, yet God is strong. I have heard "Failure is not in the falling, it's in the not getting back up on your feet."

I know in my head that God forgives me and is picking me up off my feet, yet as Casting Crowns says.. I feel that I am just one step away from you leaving me this way... Jesus just show me how far the east is from the west..

Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight
I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way

I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me

Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other
Psalm 77

1I cried unto God with my voice, even unto God with my voice; and he gave ear unto me.

2In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sore ran in the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted.

3I remembered God, and was troubled: I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah.

4Thou holdest mine eyes waking: I am so troubled that I cannot speak.

5I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times.

6I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search.

7Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favourable no more?

8Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth his promise fail for evermore?

9Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah.
Every time I turn to God I find forgiveness and Mercy.. I just feel that I am not worthy to enter His Holy righteous presence covered in the blackness of my sin. I have never felt worthy to meet God. in Isaiah
Isaiah 6

1In the year that king Uzziah died I saw also the LORD sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple.

2Above it stood the seraphims: each one had six wings; with twain he covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he did fly.

3And one cried unto another, and said, Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD of hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory.

4And the posts of the door moved at the voice of him that cried, and the house was filled with smoke.

5Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts.

6Then flew one of the seraphims unto me, having a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with the tongs from off the altar:

7And he laid it upon my mouth, and said, Lo, this hath touched thy lips; and thine iniquity is taken away, and thy sin purged.

8Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.

Oh goodness.. I see my sin in the presence of God. he is truly Holy and awe worthy. All I can do is join Isaiah and scream woe is me!!! I am unworthy for I have unclean lips. I am undone.. I have seen God and I know that I am a wretch. Isaiah had to be purged with a flaming coal on his lips. I would go through all that pain and scarring to have a pure heart and clean lips. then i can say Lord.. Here am I send me!! I want to serve God.. I know that Jesus has purified me and I am washed from my sins, yet I don't feel that way. I guess that is where faith plays in. Trusting that God forgives me despite my sin... It's not logical at all. That's what is so amazing about it too. God forgives us anyways. But let us come boldly into the throne of grace for repentance and mercy, we are able to see the most Holy God in our most carnal bodies.

I hope that encourages you all that no matter how far we fall. he will pick us up.

God bless